questionme2

Hi everyone. I have overcome a TON of challenges with my husband. Therapy helped a lot but now that he's stopped going.. We are starting to struggle again.

Case in point... We were moving last week. My husband didn't take the day off and asked me to call in sick. I agreed to do this, but at 6 am my phone rang with a work emergency. There was NO calling in sick. The problem was so big I would have been fired or close if I tried to... Well my hubby said he couldn't help. We have a child who I had to find care for (since I thought I was going to be off) and I tried to hire a friend to help the movers who arrived. I handled it all and nearly had a melt down. Work was do stressful and I was trying to keep it all a secret from work... Survived but my husband wouldn't even answer calls or texts. It was one of the worst days I've ever been through...
His answer? Sorry I already had meetings planned. Glad you got though it. Is that me overreacting or is that just rude? I thought we were a team?

Also, he is drinking a lot. In fact we both were. I started following his lead. It's been hard not to devour an entire bottle of wine each night. Now that I'm telling him no thanks... He's getting uncomfortable... Pouring me a glass anyway. Would would you do? I admit that I feel it's tough staying away from the Booz when thats all he does all night. I just feel like he is not a good example...
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KathyBatesel

1. What is the reason you stopped therapy together?
2. If you're uncomfortable with the amount of alcohol that's being consumed, then you have a problem if you're continuing to use it anyway.

Some of your description about the work stuff didn't make sense to me. What were you keeping secret from work, and why? I think his statement, "Sorry, I already had meetings planned. Glad you got through it" is not rude, though his ignoring texts and calls may have been.

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questionme2

We stopped therapy together because he just didn't want to do it anymore. He felt he gave a lot and "needed a break"

As for the drinking... I admit I have a hard time not falling into his patterns. I try to limit myself to one drink a day. But when we go out he always orders a bottle. And if I don't drink more than a glass.. He will. And he has no qualms about driving home... With our kids in the car. I think 3 glasses of wine is a lot... Over dinner for a 168 lb man. That's my opinion.

As for work... I couldn't tell them that I was moving that day because I would have looked like an idiot. I was going to call in sick at my husbands request. I tried to take the day off but it was rejected because of big events planned. So I was stuck ...




QUOTE=KathyBatesel;962995]1. What is the reason you stopped therapy together?
2. If you're uncomfortable with the amount of alcohol that's being consumed, then you have a problem if you're continuing to use it anyway.

Some of your description about the work stuff didn't make sense to me. What were you keeping secret from work, and why? I think his statement, "Sorry, I already had meetings planned. Glad you got through it" is not rude, though his ignoring texts and calls may have been.[/QUOTE]
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endlessgrief

After 20 years of struggling and fighting H's alcoholism, I too tried to "jump on the band wagon" and drink with him. All it did was give me heartburn, gain weight, and in the end, by my actions, my H now thinks he can drink as much as he wants because I did. I no longer drink and you are right, he does seem uncomfortable.

This was a HUGE mistake on my part. I tried so many things to get him to go to counseling, to stop drinking, etc. One day I thought "if you can't beat em, join em!" STUPID STUPID STUPID

But I was desperate for a happy marriage. Since then I have emotionally detached myself and live my life and do things I want to do. As George Castanza's dad would say . . . SERENITY NOW!!!!!

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The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?

KathyBatesel

Why do you think you'd have looked like an idiot for telling your company you have to move house? It's one of the actual valid reasons to call in!

But that's not your question, I know...

It sounds to me like you may have some codependency issues that get in the way of finding your happiness. The "hints" I'm seeing are that you are concerned about how others might perceive you, and that your husband's drinking and decision to stop counseling have dictated what you're doing on those same things. Another hint is that your husband seems to take for granted that you'll provide solutions when he needs them.

Without knowing more, I can't say whether you'd benefit most from learning to set boundaries or actively working a 12-step program like Al-Anon, but because Al-Anon is such a great program overall, and because it's free and can be found pretty much anywhere, I'd invite you to check it out.

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questionme2

Ok. Let me be honest. I drink daily. I never drink until I get home. Lately, I've been having at least 3 drinks a night. Glasses of wine or beer. If we don't have alcohol in the house I will go to the store to make sure we have some. I drink when we are out to eat, but I do most of my drinking at home. I went to one glass of wine last night instead of my typical 3 and I feel good. I was proud of myself. But, I'm wondering .. To an outsider, does it sound like I have a drinking problem? Or am I just like most soccer moms?


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