In Limbo!! What to do>??

1lostintranslation · 08-06-2012, 12:04 PM

Need advice on my situation. I have been with my DF since November 2011. We moved rather quickly. We got pregnant Jan 2012, engaged Feb 2012, moved into my house Mar 2012. Wedding was set for Aug 10th, 2012. Well last month decided to postpone that. Together we have 5 kids and one on the way. I have 3 girls (8, 5, 4), he has 2 girls (11, 9). Then this one on the way our first boy due in Oct. Well we have had some issues in regards to the kids. He likes to be carefree with parenting the kids, I am a little more strict. I of course was the one with them more. On days he has shared custody I had the kids while he was at work. Taking them back and forth to camp, cooking, cleaning, solving disputes. Long story short I got tired quickly. Kept speaking to DF about all this and he would help out, but not in the ways I needed. Well it got to the point where I shut everything off in regards to the kids. Told him I am not taking his kids to camp anymore. The schedule between him and BM is too all over the place and he just expected me to accomodate. Well the moment I said that everything went down hill. The wedding was postponed. He moved him and his kid's stuff down to the basement and he has slept there ever since. Approx 4 -5 weeks ago. We barely talk anymore. If we do it is an argument about how to fix things or what the other did. He hates he moved to my place, so I offer to kick him out. He said he is down on himself and wants to work on things. Wants to be with me. We started going to therapy but I don't feel that has been helpful since the suggestions she has offered are never followed through on once we get to the house. I haven't even gotten a hug since Jul 22nd. I just feel so alone and empty. I understand he is going through his emotions. He said he just needed time, space, and no pressure of the issues going on in our relationship. However I need him right now. He has said he thought he should even move out, but not sure. We still live together, but him and his kids live in basement, me and mine live upstairs. I am not sure what to do in order to get us back on track. What to do?

Jojara · 08-06-2012, 12:47 PM

With him living in the basement, perhaps you can start 'dating' each other again? Sounds like the two of you forgot the good stuff in your relationship while trying to navigate the suckyness (I think that should be a word) of blending families.

The one thing I have learned while trying to blend families is that your relationship has to REALLY be nurtured.

KathyBatesel · 08-06-2012, 01:17 PM

Sounds to me like the bottom line is that he does not want responsibility. Can you live with that? Honestly, if you're on good terms with his ex, you might benefit from talking to her about this issue.