General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
We have had problems for a while. We love each other, but its like we are friends now. We are great parents together, we have alot of fun with our kid but when we are alone with each other its just not fun. She only has negativity towards me. Nagging etc. There is zero affection or even openness to me being affectionate to her. We started counseling and Ive been doing all of the little things the counselor tells us. but I dont feel like she even wants it. Like there is no effort or even appreciation on her end whatsoever and Im starting to not even want to try anymore. Why am I doing all the work only to feel like she doesnt even want me around? Like I feel like Im bothering her when I walk in a room. Frustrated.
Have you done any investigating to see if there's somebody else in the picture? She's emotional detached from you which opens the possibility that she has directed those emotions towards another guy.
Im very confident that she is not involved with anyone else right now. But I do suspect she has some unresolved/resurfaced feelings for someone in her past. One of those "the one that got away" sort of resurfacing. The good news for me is that the other person lives across the country.
Oh, and i should also say that eventhough Im trying as hard as I can, Im not perfect. I know I have issues too that are contributing to all of this. But I cant break the wall that she has put up to begin the healing.
Im very confident that she is not involved with anyone else right now. But I do suspect she has some unresolved/resurfaced feelings for someone in her past. One of those "the one that got away" sort of resurfacing. The good news for me is that the other person lives across the country.
Well you might want to make sure Facebook and text messaging hasn't reignited those feelings. I hate to harp on it but like I said this tends to be the case more often than not. In fact me posting about it had you reply about a suspicion you have.
It could be that she's so far gone that she's assuming that whatever changes you do make, they won't last.
Keep moving forward with the counseling and make permanent changes to yourself since you are the only one you can change.
Bring up your concerns in your next session and ask your wife during the session (with the counselor) if she even wants to be married anymore.
When our last deep conversation ended about all of this, i felt like we both wanted to make it work. But since then it really has felt like Im making all of the effort and getting shot down in the process. Im frustrated beyond belief, but i dont want to give up.
Well you might want to make sure Facebook and text messaging hasn't reignited those feelings. I hate to harp on it but like I said this tends to be the case more often than not. In fact me posting about it had you reply about a suspicion you have.
There havent been any texts. I know that for sure. As far as FB goes, I saw some messages from 09 that were mostly them just saying how they were happy for each other but wondered "what if things were different" But nothing since then and nothing sexual.
Why am I doing all the work only to feel like she doesnt even want me around?
The short answer here is "because you are the man". Good advice offered here, something has captured her attention, even if it isn't another man.
My humble advice is to completely disconnect your feelings from her actions. Get yourself into a positive state of mind and treat her lovingly, but above all do not react to any of her bad or uncaring behavior. Any time you reflect back her negativity or anxiety or apprehensiveness, you make things worse. Meanwhile, read all her email and all text messages on her phone. If you can be completely cheerful for three weeks, you will start to see some thawing
There havent been any texts. I know that for sure. As far as FB goes, I saw some messages from 09 that were mostly them just saying how they were happy for each other but wondered "what if things were different" But nothing since then and nothing sexual.
There havent been any texts. I know that for sure. As far as FB goes, I saw some messages from 09 that were mostly them just saying how they were happy for each other but wondered "what if things were different" But nothing since then and nothing sexual.
Then that's not it, but something triggered this but we haven't found it yet. Not necessarily another man but something
Im trying to be positive. Its been 3 yrs since then, he lives across the country and is in a relationship. Im trying to believe that life has gotten in between us. We were great for a long time. There is no evidence of even any contact with him since then.
Then that's not it, but something triggered this but we haven't found it yet. Not necessarily another man but something
I know she isnt cheating. Im confident about that. We are together all the time, and ive seen her texts and emails etc. No evidence of an affair. Things were good for a long time, and now its great when we are being a family, we laugh with our kid, we make sure our child is happy, but when we are alone, its like I dont exist. Its weird.
I know she isnt cheating. Im confident about that. We are together all the time, and ive seen her texts and emails etc. No evidence of an affair. Things were good for a long time, and now its great when we are being a family, we laugh with our kid, we make sure our child is happy, but when we are alone, its like I dont exist. Its weird.
Emotional detachment. Either you get to the root of it or it's never going to change.
Trying as hard as I can 
