08-06-2012, 02:50 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
| | Both at fault
I feel like I'm lost in an abyss. This fall my wife and I will have been married 10 years although a lot of times it doesn't feel like a marriage. I think I could have posted this in a multitude of forums here because there is so much wrong but I am hoping that this is the best area.
A little background on us. We are in a marriage where we have no children and have had trouble conceiving. We have talked about adoption but have never really pursued it. I feel that some of this may be the problem but it's just the tip of the iceberg.
She has many issues which I try to help with and some I try to look past. She has personal issues with her mother that drives her to depression. She has issues with my Mom and sister at times and she concerns herself too much about other people outside of our family. She goes to therapy (very infrequently) and takes some meds as well. This is something I've learned to live with and try to be supportive (even though she doesn't think I am).
She also has some obsessive compulsive habits where she is constantly cleaning and doing laundry. Most of this is done during the day when she's working from home and I am at work. I help at times but not like I should, however I feel when she's constantly cleaning then what is there for us to clean on the weekend?
The other two things with her is that she never wants to have sex....nothing, ever. I find it funny with the posts in the sex forum about how they get turned down all the time but they still have sex once a week, and they're complaining! Try not remembering the last time you've had sex. In the past 5 or so years I've been lucky if in any one of those years we've had sex 6 times. I am turned down all the time. When asked if she likes or wants sex, the answer is yes but not right now. When asked if she's ever in the mood she says yes but not when I'm around. Seriously? I hear all these stories about women wanting more sex or getting experimental while ready that Shades of Grey book but with my wife I saw nothing.
The last thing sort of has to do with her concern about others. She always on her phone and facebook. I try talking to her and she's posting messages. Kind of gets annoying. I know she's not having an affair because she never goes anywhere....even with me.
Now me...if you go this far I will give you credit. I have not been the perfect husband. Like I said, she does most of the cleaning but I do have to prepare dinner, even if it's frozen foods because she refuses to. I try to do my share of household chores but feel that it's never good enough.
I try to stay active and want to be active. I'm not the type of person that likes to stay home all the time. In the Summer I play softball and like to golf but the rest of the year there's not much. I get **** for playing too much softball but if I wasn't doing that I'd be sitting in front of the TV while she sleeps (oh yeah, she's in bed by 8 and up before 5 by choice). I have some friends that I like to meet up with once a month at a brewpub and occasionally we'll go to a ballgame or something but I always try to include my wife. I am constantly trying to find a hobby we can do together with no avail.
Another problem I have is that I am a very sexual person. I tend to take care of myself a lot because of our sexless marriage. Recently I made a mistake though. I met someone of facebook that I was chatting with and texting. Nothing serious, we never met and had no plans on meeting but I did get the attention I needed. I liked the attention and just wanted it from my wife. Well my wife found out by having someone hack my account. She was hurt and rightly so. What I did was wrong and I admit to it however she felt that it was partly her fault because she wasn't giving me enough attention. While I'd never admit it I sort of agreed with her.
Since then (that was back in April) nothing has changed. We may have had sex once. Now again she thinks something is up with me. I have a feeling she thinks I'm cheating or looking again which I am not. I want to though. I find myself wanting to more and more. I like the attention and crave it but don't get it now.
Is my marriage over? We did therapy a couple years ago which I don't really think helped too much. I don't want to do that again but I also don't want to leave my wife. I and actually deeply in love with her and don't want to lose her. I don't know what I'd do without her but even with her I am miserable. Am I fooling myself? We are both 38 and have no kids. I don't want to live on my own.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.