Lon

L/F, I know the feeling man, as for me I am quite clearly better than average, or so I like to think, I am successful, kind, reliable, loyal honest and a perfect gentleman (though that may be simply hiding my cowardice behind my niceguyness). Either way, on something even as limited as a online dating profile I just can't seem to ooze any sex appeal.

I think the trick is to give them just ONE obvious thing to take in interest in you for (my problem is I just haven't figured out what that is without lying about myself). Was it this thread that talked about your "edge"? Just gotta decide what to make your edge I think. Receeding hairline, my height, skinny man-boobs and glasses kinda takes the edge of my physical appeal I guess, gotta find a way to demonstrate my intellect, but that is hard in a sea of floozies.

Clever

lostandfound2012, I'm going to be blunt.

I think the problem may be you.

I don't know you personally, but the messages you're posting are depressing as hell. And nobody wants to go out with somebody who is depressed and finds fault in everything.

When a man is together, his world is together.

Best wishes!

lostandfound2012

Clever - these forums are for grievences and advice and thats exactly why im posting. if im depressed, as any other human is, then its because they are down for a reason. you cannot be happy 100% of the time. people fake this but are actually hiding their "depression".

im not coming across as depressed to people. I keep saying.... that no one is interested because they move on to someone else, they dont wanna meet - the list goes on.

its easier to point fingers at me but you dont really know how it is. if you get screwed over as much as I do, then of course you will be depressed. who wouldnt? you would not be human if you werent. Furthermore you can try as much as shrugging it off.... and putting on a face but that wouldnt be fair either. you can be optimistic, which I am, but there comes a time when enough is enough and you question alot of things and not be an "air head" and act like nothing happened or that it doesnt matter

ive got ALOT of experience than you can imagine. alot of observations too. I just know how it is but it doesnt make sense why people do what they do.

ive had women say to me im nice etc.... and "wish you luck" - thats it. ive had women who wanted me but bailed at the lost moment for one reason or another. so please, dont say the problem is me. far from the truth. im very self aware. im not going to wait until im 60 (if i live that long) just to get some remote chance.

it takes time to build, to find, to connect and establish a relationship and future. its not an overnight job.

in the end, saying something and then leaving it is not helpful. i would LOVE to say "hey guys, found my gal. thanks so much all. you really have helped" - but sadly, thats not the case. there are more divorce rates than marriages these days. soon marriage will sadly be a thing of the past the way the world is heading and alot of topics on here share that same sentiment, and its quite sad.

so please, if you are saying I am depressing then what about the others?

Lon

L/F, someone suggested once that maybe if you are not getting interest perhaps you have your standards too high and are only going after the "hottest" ones - while its true that the hotter women have their pick of any guy they want on there, I personally refuse to lower my standards and settle for aiming for women I'm not really attracted to - it's not entirely physical looks that count for me, but I'm not on there to find ugly. But I suppose the whole sex rank really does count for a lot, because if you are going for 9's and tens you need to be atleast an 8 (and for guys its not all physical appearance though that still counts, I know that I will never be a 9, or maybe even 8 because I simply don't have the genetic advantage, however there may be someone out there who finds me as appealing as an 8 or 9 for them personally).

More importantly, is to not give a fck if they are not interested, don't use any success or failure on some stupid dating site to validate your worth, those people don't know about you, and don't seem to want to know so truly it is their loss. If you don't like online dating, then simply don't do it, do something you like instead and chances are there will be women around at some point. (and yes I'm trying to heed my own advice on this!)

lostandfound2012

thanks Lon. its funny. I DONT have any high unrealistic standards like those women do on those sites. I'm simple, plain and straight forward. my standards are realistic and simple yet difficult to find:

loyal
commited
devotion
must NOT be attached to someone
long term relations intention

thats all. those are the 3 core foundations for me. everyone says they want this but it is apperent they dont (From experience)

im at a loss really.

i dont even know if there exists a good decent, genuine website there (if there is, please mention them).

i always get feedback from women "love the profile. so refreshing and different. good luck".... and thats the end of it.

I REALLY hate having an answer to all questions but... what can I say? experience. been there, done that. tried it a different way and the rest of it, nothing.

but it is true and a common "theme" around here, it is so difficult to find someone given todays nature of relationships/dating/etc....
it sure was easier back in the 90's I bet.

Lon

I get the "cool profile" once in awhile too, out of the blue... but when I respond they just don't want to have a conversation, or any further contact... why are they even replying to a profile on a dating site at all unless they have some kind of interest? It is hard to not feel like you have their interest and then fck something up somehow to lose them and you have no clue what. Like I say, I just really suck at dating, and online dating, I guess its the paradox of not having enough experience.

Then there was this one STUNNING lady, hardly anything in her profile - I made a silly joke about how its supposed to be faux pas to comment on her pic but couldn't help it then commented on everything in her profile pic except for her... she replied "nice one, lol" and I haven't replied yet, left her in the lurch, part of it was just cause I can, the other part felt like I was just going to do whatever same fckup I always unwittingly do and I didn't want that. Let her stew on it, it's already been over a week since, she knows how to get a hold of me if she wants to know anything, I'm sure she's been flooded with a few thousand other messages since though - if I ever recognize her out in public I will make myself known... planting seeds I suppose.

lostandfound2012

as you pretty much said - all about games here. so childish and pathetic.

sometimes I wonder if I should grovel back to the person whom I ended the "virtual" relationship with. but that isnt me. she was as close to good given her issues especially not being available in terms of time and emotionally.

so, any other dating site suggestions?

WillK

12 years ago I met my wife through matchmaker.com.

I'd recommend reading Married Man's Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay to learn some about attracting attention. Your approach really sounds all wrong, by which I mean trying to match yourself up to what women say they want. You've seen it yourself, it doesn't work that way.

__________________
The thread linked below is about as close as I get to my story, it has my posts about the point where I turned my marriage around and on the day my wife was planning to move out, instead we started a new beginning. I've been keeping my updates in this thead as well:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-sex-life.html

lostandfound2012

maybe i need to rephrase that

I mean, I am who I am which is what women say they want. why say something and lie about it completely? I shouldnt have to change myself to what they want right? I am who I am... nice, genuine, decent, wholesome who has morals and ethics as well as a strong background in terms of upbringing and education. just very well rounded.

I do what people tell me. it fails. I do what I want. it fails. clearly im not really the problem here (or at least the sole problem)

these days, SO many problems and SO many "issues" unnecessarily.... far complicated.

cloudwithleggs

okcupid, i like it and it is free but i am not after dates at present and states it clearly on my profile.

Lon

yes, I'm a genuine nice guy too... that is not the thing about it women are attracted to. Being nice only counts when you are using it to create your world around you, its the supplement characteristics to nice that women like. So if you are nice + tall,dark,handsome = you get the girl, or if you are nice + badass = you get the girl or if you are nice + popular, outgoing, confident, stylish, funny, wealthy, or any other edge you can mention = you get the girl.

Like you, I'm nice + a little of everything which means we gotta wait until we find one that appreciates what we put into it to be like that - so despite their purported ability to multitask, that does not mean they have the ability to multi-sense, they can only seem to ever attend to one sense at a time, the way a man can only attend to one task - especially tier1 women who have always had their pick of the single best trait they want to look for at the moment, have a even if you are the best at two things in the world she will only notice the one she wants to. Any further good qualities are wasted, atleast for first impressions. Being nice just makes the desirable trait more believable, which is why if they even sense that the niceness is fake they will disbelieve anything you could show them. Atleast this is my theory especially as it applies to online dating.

Don't try to be nice, try to focus on the thing you like to do most, the thing you are most passionate about.

golfergirl

Too bad it's just quick snippets about who you guys are on the dating sites. Following posts here make you guys both very intriguing (married - so can't follow through), but seriously - your personalties really shine here. Their loss.
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justonelife

L&F - I know you took offense to the poster that mentioned you sound depressed but that IS how you sound. I hope you don't come across that way in your profile and/or communications with women you chat with online. That's the WORST turnoff imaginable.

Women want someone nice, loyal, dependable and all that but please don't stress that in your profile. Those things should almost be a given. They are pretty boring to read and the same thing that all of the other guys are saying. Is your profile interesting? Funny? It must be funny. Don't be afraid to be off the wall or out there. You sound kind of desperate and trying too hard. Have a more laid back, confident attitude. Mention 1 or 2 things that you love to do or tell a funny story about something that happened to you.

My H's match.com profile was weird and funny but that's what attracted me. It was different than the rest of them.

Also, you seem VERY bitter that you don't have a bunch of women responding and jumping at the chance to go out with you but as you can see from some other online dating threads, that is pretty much what women have to do. There are so many guys on there that if there isn't an instant, strong connection, it's not worth hanging around for long. Because there will be 15 other winks or emails from the same type of guy tomorrow. That's harsh, I know, but that's online dating. It's a numbers game and also a bit of luck. You either have to keep playing the game or give up and try something else. Complaining about it isn't going to change anything. There are no magical websites out there which guarantee the women will respond to you, go out with you, hang on your every word and agree to marry you. It isn't going to happen.

What advice exactly are you looking for?

Lon

you got me blushing, thanks Ggirl, I felt a little surge of confidence (no not that kind).

lostandfound2012

i think i got the advice. no point - no hope or anything and no one listens but judges and comes to their own conclusions, even though they are wrong

nevermind. society has given up on me or rather, they have made it like this and cant accept responsibility.

I do this, I do that, I do the other, I spend spend spend, I run the extra 5 miles like a dog - nothing.

why bother?

thanks all. I appreciate it. really.... its done. But dont go complaining that you cant find a "nice guy"... because they turn them the other way with these shananigans.

the whole concept of boyfriend/girlfriend and marriages do not exist from my experience and observations over the years. its just like... brainwashing me. it doesnt exist, its a setup... a fake. I really am questioning it all now.

anyway, its all work work work.... so... yeh, thats what im supposed to do. ok... cool. im just an idiot

im outta here. i tried. failed again through NO FAULT of my own but only to be dictated.