CommittedHusband

Hello, my wife and I are considering MC because right now our marriage is falling apart and I'm wondering if we should go through with the MC.

A little back story. I am 31 years old and my wife is 26 years old. We have been married for 4 years and have been with each other for a total of 8 years. We have a 6 year old son together. I was addicting to online video games before meeting her and during most of our marriage (completely quit a little over 2 months ago and have no desire to play them again whatsoever.

The problem is, she feels I have neglected her during most of our relationship together and looking back since I quit playing games, I'd tend to agree (although I was not doing so intentionally)

She told me that she is not sure if she wants to be with me anymore. Since this ripped my heart out, I kept pushing her about if she means a divorce. She said I am backing her into a corner and finally said yes but said it in a way that was telling me I forced her into that decision. Over the last 2 months we have been trying to work on it and we have been going out and doing more together. But I still got scared and would question her about us.

She tells me she cares for me and wants to see me happy. But says she has nothing more to give me. She tells me she has a lot of anger built up in her for making her feel neglected and unwanted, but says she is not mad at me. Anytime we talk about it, she tears up and starts to cry. It brings a lot of emotional pain to her and I feel horrible that I have caused this.

During most of those years together she was very devoted to me and would do anything for me and I was too stupid to see what I have. I know she is overstressed with life and she works 6 days a week.

Last night she went and stayed with her mother. She is going to stay there for sometime.

As far as sex goes, we still have sex and she says she is still sexually attracted to me. She tells me she thinks I'm getting the wrong idea because we still have sex.

Talking with her today she has agreed for her and I go to to individual counseling and then maybe MC. She says she has to take everything one day at a time. But with her telling me there is nothing left in her for me, her telling me she is not "In Love" with me anymore and that she doesn't know if she will ever be, is there any hope any MC will fix this.

Thanks,
CommittedHusband

southern wife

Wow! Is there any way to start "dating" her again? If she is still sexually attracted to you, then to be sure she can fall in love with you again. You need to stop "pushing" her though and let things happen naturally....like in he beginning. You also need to spend some "quality" family time together, if she wants to, with your child involved. Be there for them. Go camping, go on picnics, to the park.....anything. Just be there.............if she wants you to. But don't try to have such heavy conversations. Tell her that you love her and want her.........if that's what you feel. She may come back around, or she may not. In time, you'll know the answer! I wish you the best!

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.

Amplexor

You've made some life changes and stuck to them for 60 days. Good for your but she has to see this change is for good before she'll make any real efforts to reconnect. I agree with SW, don't push her, don't dote on her. Let it come about naturally. You got in this situation over time. Time will be what helps the reconnection process.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

CommittedHusband

Thank you for the advice southern wife.

Somethings I forgot to mention which is probably easily seen from everything I wrote is, she says she is very unhappy. Not just with me, but very unhappy all together. She says she is not even sure what love is. She is very confused and I have caused that confusion. Also, when she told me the other day that she has nothing left to give, she said not just for me but for anyone and she doesn't want to be in a relationship but is scared to be alone.

CommittedHusband

Thanks Amplexor,

Is it possible for someone to reconnect and fall in love with someone all over again after feeling the way she does. I only ask because I have never stopped loving her and I don't know exactly what emotions take place with someone in her place.

southern wife

Of course she feels that way. She's been giving and giving and giving all these years and has gotten nothing in return. It's YOUR time to give to her.........the time that she needs to figure herself out, give time of yourself - offer to take her to dinner, the movies, the park, picnics, a vacation, etc. She probably still does love you; it's just clouded in her suppressed anger over being neglected all these year.

BUT don't push for any "conversation about the relationship". Just be there, spend time, live, laugh..................and love. Hopefully it will all come back to her why she fell in love with you in the first place. Just take the time (not in words, but actions).

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.

Amplexor

Yup, my wife did. Took a lot of time and effort on both of our parts to recover but we did. See "When is Enough, Enough" in the Reconciliation forum.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

southern wife

When my marriage hit the 7-year mark, I thought to myself "ILYBNILWY"......but I never said anything to him. I also thought "it's the 7-year itch; it will pass"......and THANK GOD it did. I couldn't imagine my life w/o my husband and I tell him everyday that I love him.......and my daughter. Yes, it can happen. Like I already mentioned, it's good that she is still sexually attracted to you........that's way more than 1/2 the battle!

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.

CommittedHusband

Thank you both so much for the input.

I read that thread Amp and it was very uplifting. It actually brought tears to my eyes because up until now, i had very little hope but just don't want to give up on her during our hard time. Patients she something I know I need to work on, but is so hard to do during very emotional times.

Judgment

Good for you, you're already making steps to change (quitting gaming, going to IC, etc). Try to spice up your romance life by taking her out on surprise dates , communicate with your wife more, and show that these changes are permanent (this will take some time but stick with it). It'll make up for all the times you've neglected her and show her that you're fully committed to her from now on.

Ten_year_hubby

Sure there is. You just have to win her affection just like you did the first time. Could be a lot of fun if you approach it in the right way.

Dude, your wife's feelings have everything to do with her self image and little to do with you except for any damage you may have done to her feelings about herself. You can turn this around. Build her up. Make her feel good about herself. Show total attention. Say nothing but good things about her to her all the time. Take her places, say good things about her in front of people, don't let anyone criticize her, defend her at all times.

Enginerd

This is a little harsh...

This looks like a "married too young" senario. Your wife is throwing out all kinds of reasons that she's not in love with you but I think she's just maturing. She now has a better idea of what she wants in a man. Being addicted to video games is very immature and I'm betting that's how she sees you. She lost respect for you when you were sitting there playing with yourself while ignoring her. You didn't meet her needs because you thought the vitural world was more important then the her. I think the only option you have to keep your wife is to change your behavior radically. Stop the gaming nonsense forever. Make a point to get rid of the game console and start acting like someone she can respect. She knows the old you already and doesn't like it. I don't think a gradual change in your behavior towards her is going to work.

southern wife

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.

CommittedHusband

I played games on the computer and I already told her that I am getting rid of the computer. I know saying it and actually doing it are two different things but I have no desire to be on my gaming computer anymore. Ever since I quit gaming 2 months ago, I haven't even had the system hooked up. I have even considered just throwing it in the garbage to show her I mean business even though it is an expensive system. Nothing in this world means more to me than her and my son.

somethingelse

I agree with everyone else....wooo her, bring her flowers, take her out on the town, go for walks, movies.. do everything you didn't do while you were playing computer games! and if all turns out well and she comes back, keep having fun together too