General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Nobody has asked if there is "enough evidence" to take the guy to court. However, ESPECIALLY with a topic like sex with underage children, there's rarely enough evidence. So instead of evidence, I'll stick to the facts that I've learned from studying the topic or that I learned from personal exposure to men who abuse:
Age is one boundary set for determining whether a sexual relationship is culturally acceptable.
Men who abuse ignore boundaries.
Men who routinely fantasize/pursue sex with women far outside of their own age group are ignoring cultural boundaries.
CONCLUSION: A risk is present, WebMD's definition be damned.
Let's take this one step further. When a person's "attraction of choice" is unavailable, they will do one of two things. Go without, or choose a different target. Sexual addicts - whether pedophiles or not - will go ahead and select a substitute. It might be an inanimate object or a type of person. That's why heterosexual males resort to homosexual behavior in prison, but revert to heterosexual practice after release. With pedophiles, they can and will substitute age groups, as well as boys for girls and vice versa, if they cannot pursue what they want to.
The OP's question isn't about whether she has enough evidence of something. It's about whether she should be concerned. And the little evidence that does exist points to a possibility that there's a risk that could prove very costly for her in financial and self-esteem if he acted on it with a convenient target who happened to be underage. The OP must decide for herself if that risk is worth taking based on what she does she.
OP's H wrote a snippet in a diary years ago, prior to marriage. If there was a criminal history of sex crimes or a bunch of unsolved rapes of teens in the area or the family dog was scared to be around him, I might understand this quest to scare this poor women into thinking her H is perverted/sick/pedophile/etc.
I think the big problem here is the leap of logic that noticing someone is attractive to you is equivalent to "sniffing around." See my earlier Molly Quinn example, for instance. Acknowledging that she has a particular appearance that I find attractive (dare I say, "sexy?") doesn't mean I'm going down to the nearest high school to find a date for the evening. "Well, then, you big old perv...that means the 'look' that you like so much is that of an underage girl!" Au contraire. Elisabeth Harnois from CSI could darn well be her double and is 14 years her senior. So I'm a bit at a loss as to whether or not it's acceptable to find their appearance attractive. Posted via Mobile Device
People,
I think we are splitting hairs here.
Absolutely NOTHING is wrong in finding a teenage girl attractive or even sexy.
My 21 yr old relative is a fashion model and also has her own agency. She looks exotic,is beautiful and very sexy. I have pictures of her in two piece sets as screen savers on my laptop. My wife has absolutely no problem with it. Why?
Because when she was aspiring to be a model,she was just 16 yrs old. I took her, [ because we are involved in the fashion industry down here] into my personal care,and helped her avoid the pitfalls of having to have sex with lecherous nasty old men in the industry,and today she is the " cover girl " for the leading cosmetic company in the Caribbean. Her face is on billboards and magazines advertising their products.
If it was not for my intervention, she might have been a centrefold or in some internet" teen porn" clip.
So what is the difference between me looking at her five years ago,and seeing her as attractive & sexy , and these other men in the industry looking at her and seeing the same thing?
The answer is simple.
Their INTENTIONS.
When they looked at her, they say an opportunity for their own sexual gratification. They didn't care about her dreams.
When I looked I her I saw her potential, and her opportunity for success , if she had the correct connections.
What we are trying to figure out in this entire thread,is the husband's intentions based on his actions.
Funny how on this board,we are able to decipher complex cases of infidelity,
But we can't figure out a simple thing like this.
Funny how on this board,we are able to decipher complex cases of infidelity,
But we can't figure out a simple thing like this.
This isn't following a common script that most infidelity cases follow. This is, in spite of appearances a lot trickier, since information is very limited.
Omg I'm fuming and upset that someone can even suggest he might be a pedophile!
Well he came home from work and we had a chat all calm and everything. I asked him to explain about the second diary entry, he said what he meant was that she was looking as dangerous as ever and did look (as in appear to people,not as his feelings towards her, cute and sexy) meaning someone could get into trouble (and I don't mean police etc) by trying to chat her up because she looked older than she was. I don't know if I've worded that correctly! Yes he said he'd used the wrong words and that he could understand how I interpreted it.
After reading some of the replies to my original post I can see how the written word can be misinterpreted. Some people have made him out to be a lecherous,dangerous predator waiting to pounce on the next teenager which is totally off the mark. Good god if he was anything like that he'd been long gone.
To clear some stuff up he was visiting friends when he met this girl he didn't seek her out. He hasn't been going round asking teenagers their ages either.The TWO checkout girls he looked at(not loads!) were very pretty and would have been 17/18/19. The "teen porn" search as someone pointed out earlier it's not nice but is apparently a popular search.BTW he didn't actually download anything ( I know this because I searched the history at the time.
Yes we do have a happy marriage so I'm going to accept his explanation and move on.
Omg I'm fuming and upset that someone can even suggest he might be a pedophile!
Well he came home from work and we had a chat all calm and everything. I asked him to explain about the second diary entry, he said what he meant was that she was looking as dangerous as ever and did look (as in appear to people,not as his feelings towards her, cute and sexy) meaning someone could get into trouble (and I don't mean police etc) by trying to chat her up because she looked older than she was. I don't know if I've worded that correctly! Yes he said he'd used the wrong words and that he could understand how I interpreted it.
After reading some of the replies to my original post I can see how the written word can be misinterpreted. Some people have made him out to be a lecherous,dangerous predator waiting to pounce on the next teenager which is totally off the mark. Good god if he was anything like that he'd been long gone.
To clear some stuff up he was visiting friends when he met this girl he didn't seek her out. He hasn't been going round asking teenagers their ages either.The TWO checkout girls he looked at(not loads!) were very pretty and would have been 17/18/19. The "teen porn" search as someone pointed out earlier it's not nice but is apparently a popular search.BTW he didn't actually download anything ( I know this because I searched the history at the time.
Yes we do have a happy marriage so I'm going to accept his explanation and move on.
I was wondering how you were going to respond to the evil and persecutory accusations. Well done, there’s many a man who’d be proud to have you as his woman by his side. Imagine what it would be like if those accusations had reached the courts and the newspapers. To be falsely accused of such things as rape, being a paedophile must be a truly terrible thing for a man and his family.
The "teen porn" search as someone pointed out earlier it's not nice but is apparently a popular search.BTW he didn't actually download anything ( I know this because I searched the history at the time.
It's a popular search for some because, if they don't like the implanted, cynical, artificial, Barbie-looking type, and more prefer the natural looking (I might catch heat for this phrase in this particular conversation) "girl next door" type, that's what a "teen" search will find.
And congratulations on how you handled things with him. Sounds like ya did good.
I’m a fifteen minute walk from my local beach. For ten months of the year I share it with just a few others out for a stroll, walking their dogs. In July and August the beach gets invaded by thousands of people. It’s a truly lovely sight with the colourful brolleys, kiddies playing and such.
It’s in Portugal and I swear some of the females have nothing on but a couple of boot laces. There’s a great boardwalk which some of the teens use like they’re in a Miss World competition and some of them sure would win it. If I closed my eyes when walking towards them I’d trip over the edge.
To not see and look would not be possible even if blinkered like a race horse. And to not have thoughts triggered in your mind then I for one simply don’t know how that’s done. If males were arrested for looking and thinking then I feel certain there wouldn’t be a male past puberty and under the age of 200 on the beach.
I was one lucky guy. If I posted a pic of my wife even in her forties and after the birth of two big baby boys you’d think she were a seventeen or eighteen year old teen.
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Would it then be considered normal for a woman to lust after a teen guy, because they are much more physically attractive than a middle aged male.
Well, my wife certainly noticed the Olympic divers last week, most o whom had an age that ended in the word "teen." And, no denying that their bodies are far better than mine. I've got no concerns. Posted via Mobile Device
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