General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I don't believe everything I read or on the internet. I'm talking about a pro marriage forum.
I guess I'm a big fan of "If you don't want anyone else to know, don't write it on paper, because it will be found"
Well all I have to say is I hope his lust for this person that's underage doesn't get him into any legal troubles. And hopefully their sons can bring home their teenage girlfriends when the time comes without pops being creepy and weird or "accidentallyonpurpose" walking in on them in the bathroom.
Actually no, I wouldn't find a 16 or 17 year old attractive. Unless for some odd reason he managed to look 30+ yrs old. And I never found out their age. I simply don't find very young men attractive.
See, it's only a matter of what he looks and not really his age. The same with young girls. Then thing is that the peak of sexual attractiveness for women isn't 30. It's more like early 20s. So, if a 14 year old manages to look in her early 20s she is attractive. Just like you would find a man that looked 30 attractive.
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Originally Posted by ScaredandUnsure
And yes, basically I say child, because a 14 year old girl is a child.
In what way? She doesn't look like a child, she doesn't behave like a child... Most 14 year olds these days are pretty much engaging or about to engage in sexual activities. In the past they were considered old enough to marry. In some countries they still are.
The reason why society insists in looking at teenagers as children is a social construct. If you have a 14 year old and treat her like a child you better expect some nasty surprises down the road.
Dealing with 14 year olds and about that age every day in my profession and their parents what i see is that they don't have a clue on what a 14 year old actually is. Usually the teen is head and shoulders ahead of what their parents think of them.
The desire to keep them as children deceives them. They aren't, in any way, physically or psychologically, children.
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Originally Posted by ScaredandUnsure
Just how comfortable would you be around a friend who said that your, say 12 yr old daughter, was so hot? Would you be okay with your 12 yr old daughter being around an adult man who thought she was sexually attractive?
You think any sort of man that knew me personally would ever do such a thing? They wouldn't. But that doesn't change the fact that it may be that it is exactly what they are thinking if i have a precocious 12 year old with an adult like body.
Like i said before. Sexual attractiveness doesn't take into account an age tag. This, however doesn't mean that men will actually act upon it. There is a difference between thought and action.
I may think i would like to kill that guy and not actually proceed in doing it.
Communication with the outside world (facebook email etc...) should be open. Communication within your self, your inner thoughts, are private unless you share them. You can't tell me you haven't had thoughts that you don't want your husband to know about.
For the record, I wouldn't consider being intimate with anyone under the age of 18 and I think the age of consent laws should be 18 across the board since that is officially what we deem to be adulthood. I too think it is creepy for men to be constantly thinking about H.S. girls in sexual ways; however, I can understand how a man can see a girl who is underage but sometimes can't help but look because of the way the girl is dressed. Having said all of that, I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate in the next paragraph.
For the vast majority of human existence, the age for when kids become adults has been below the age of 18. In many cultures and for many centuries, girls under the age of 18 were wed off by their families and have become mothers. Boys also have wed young as well. In the 1800s and earlier, being 14-15 and being married off to an older husband or a boy the same age was not uncommon for a girl. Hell unmarried women that are 20 or older and single today would be considered "spinsters" or "old maids" in the 19th century and earlier. When society change so much to elevate the "age of reason" and the "age of adulthood"? I guess my point is that having some of these feelings are probably natural considering that majority of human history didn't affix such taboos to thinking about 14 - 16 year old girls in sexual ways.
IMO, I don't think your husband is in danger of being a predator of underage girls. It may be unhealthy of him to look at them so much in public, but my guess is that he would never act upon those desires. I think that if you would ever become a mind reader, you would be very, very disappointed in how men think about sex in general when it comes to looking at women.
IMO, I don't think your husband is in danger of being a predator of underage girls. It may be unhealthy of him to look at them so much in public, but my guess is that he would never act upon those desires. I think that if you would ever become a mind reader, you would be very, very disappointed in how men think about sex in general when it comes to looking at women.
And if a guy would become a mind reader he would probably know what to answer when his wife asks him what color of towels does he prefer for the bathroom... Frightening stuff
See, it's only a matter of what he looks and not really his age. The same with young girls. Then thing is that the peak of sexual attractiveness for women isn't 30. It's more like early 20s. So, if a 14 year old manages to look in her early 20s she is attractive. Just like you would find a man that looked 30 attractive.
But, not many 16-17 year old boys look like they are their 30's. Hell it seems almost backwards now. I see so many high school kids driving around that look as old as my 12 year old son. And trust me, you wouldn't mistake my 12 year old son for being at the age of consent.
In what way? She doesn't look like a child, she doesn't behave like a child... Most 14 year olds these days are pretty much engaging or about to engage in sexual activities. In the past they were considered old enough to marry. In some countries they still are.
The reason why society insists in looking at teenagers as children is a social construct. If you have a 14 year old and treat her like a child you better expect some nasty surprises down the road.
Dealing with 14 year olds and about that age every day in my profession and their parents what i see is that they don't have a clue on what a 14 year old actually is. Usually the teen is head and shoulders ahead of what their parents think of them.
The desire to keep them as children deceives them. They aren't, in any way, physically or psychologically, children.
I realize this from raising my ex husbands daughter. We bought her NO revealing clothing, no g strings, etc. Now that doesn't mean she didn't wear them. And again her behavior was so awful and dangerous, we sent her to a girls home for truancy when she was 16 until 18. That will happen to any of my children who behave like she did.
You think any sort of man that knew me personally would ever do such a thing? They wouldn't. But that doesn't change the fact that it may be that it is exactly what they are thinking if i have a precocious 12 year old with an adult like body.
Like i said before. Sexual attractiveness doesn't take into account an age tag. This, however doesn't mean that men will actually act upon it. There is a difference between thought and action.
Personally, I don't know you or your friends. I was just asking a question about how you would feel if a friend voiced his attraction to you about your underaged daughter. Would you feel comfortable him being around her, or leaving her unattended in his presence?
I may think i would like to kill that guy and not actually proceed in doing it.
I'm going to point this out since I didn't see it in the others answers. Why is you husband looking at any girl or women in a way that you can see while you are together. That in it's self is very disrespectful. I wouldn't be able to be with my husband if when we went out I would notice him looking at other women. You should address this issue as well.
I agree with the other posters about girls looking older than they are. Your husband did not do anything when he found out her age. A journal is thoughts not reality. I'm so glad to have two boys with the way girls are dressing these days.
I DO NOT compromise on that issue.
It is a DANGEROUS TREND to start to rationalize his behaviour.
It will only get WORSE.
Some men say that they find young girls sexually attractive.
I DON'T.
And its not just because they" look" of age....
I could sense their juvenescence just by the way they are dressed, and their comport.
They crave attention.
Any man who is finds himself hopelessly sexually attracted to such is looking to ruin his life.
Whenever see them ,I see somebody's daughter..........
And if it were my daughter,or my niece ,I don't want any old ,married men leering and drooling over her.
I wouldn't mind guys her age fooling around with her,
Certainly not some old man.
Every person's character is the sum total of their thoughts.
Something is right or wrong not because of the rewards/ consequences , but based on the principle / logic behind it.
Even if our 14 yr old's are having sex,
IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR STUPIDITY.
Communication with the outside world (facebook email etc...) should be open. Communication within your self, your inner thoughts, are private unless you share them. You can't tell me you haven't had thoughts that you don't want your husband to know about.
I'm sure I've had all kinds of thoughts that I wouldn't want people finding out. But again, I don't write them out. You see, my children can read and if the come across something that might be entertaining to read, they may read it. If I don't want it known by other people, it's simply a matter of NOT putting it on paper. I can still think it, and no one else knows about it. I certainly wouldn't put "Gee, I'd like to kill so and so today" because I just don't.
Well, no normal guy would go up to the father of a girl (specially when she is only 12 and he is aware of that) and tell him she is hot... But taking it as an hypothetical situation...
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I was just asking a question about how you would feel if a friend voiced his attraction to you about your underaged daughter. Would you feel comfortable him being around her, or leaving her unattended in his presence?
No... Just like i would not feel comfortable if she was 20 years old. Cuz anyone who does that is a creep. The fact that she was only 12 only added to the injury.
But my attitude is, for all effects, irrelevant for the desires and wants of other men.
BTW, when you brought this up i immediately thought about this guy:
Which is a very funny character because he is just a man that acts on all his sexual urges.
Well, no normal guy would go up to the father of a girl (specially when she is only 12 and he is aware of that) and tell him she is hot... But taking it as an hypothetical situation...
No... Just like i would not feel comfortable if she was 20 years old. Cuz anyone who does that is a creep. The fact that she was only 12 only added to the injury.
But my attitude is, for all effects, irrelevant for the desires and wants of other men.
BTW, when you brought this up i immediately thought about this guy:
Which is a very funny character because he is just a man that acts on all his sexual urges.
I just like to think that most human beings are decent enough to not to lust after underaged children. I mean there are enough sexy adults in the world to be lusted after, and I guess it just makes me sad that our kids look older it seems every passing year and they can't just be kids anymore (well aside from the whole marriage and 1800's era and before). Side effect from expanding our life expectancy a lot over the years.
Seriously though, why do people buy revealing clothes for their little girls? It infuriates me to go shopping for my daughter because the damn clothes now look so freaking slvtty.
The thing is that the peak of sexual attractiveness for women isn't 30. It's more like early 20s.
I highly disagree with that statement. Women that take care of themselves age rather nicely. Haven't you heard the saying "ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan"? Happens all the time. I am told that I look better now than I ever have......I'm 41 BTW. I always say "thank you" and go my own way, because deep down I know it's true.
Enough of that..............and onto the topic:
If a 40-something year old man is drooling over a teenage girl, YES that's a red flag. Good thing he never acted on it, but gross enough to write in a "journal" about it. Now if he just commented that she was a cute girl, instead of WOW, SEXY, HOT, BLAH BLAH BLAH.....that would have been a different story.
I will notice young guys and think, "aaawww he's so cute"...........and then think "he's going to be a knock out when he gets older". End of story. I don't go write it down.....it's just my thoughts...........and there's nothing wrong with that type of thinking.
But I agree that your hubs is skating on a fine line............one that I hope he never crosses.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
I highly disagree with that statement. Women that take care of themselves age rather nicely. Haven't you heard the saying "ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan"? Happens all the time. I am told that I look better now than I ever have......I'm 41 BTW.
I knew i was bound to get some lady projectiles thrown my way because of that sentence, but i'm only saying what in average is considered true. The darnest thing about averages is that they have plenty of exceptions.
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I just like to think that most human beings are decent enough to not to lust after underaged children.
Most of us don't "lust after". There is a difference between looking at beauty in its different forms and being obsessed and going after it.
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I mean there are enough sexy adults in the world to be lusted after, and I guess it just makes me sad that our kids look older it seems every passing year and they can't just be kids anymore (well aside from the whole marriage and 1800's era and before).
Actually kids never had so much time to be kids. That's part of the problem. The bloddy lil brats refuse to stay put as children. They always want to look like adults.
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Side effect from expanding our life expectancy a lot over the years.
Seriously though, why do people buy revealing clothes for their little girls? It infuriates me to go shopping for my daughter because the damn clothes now look so freaking slvtty.
Can't answer this... I cringe everytime i zap through the channels see that show about young little girls in beauty pageants wearing makeup and walking around in high heels and whatnot. Now that's truly SICK...
I cringe everytime i zap through the channels see that show about young little girls in beauty pageants wearing makeup and walking around in high heels and whatnot. Now that's truly SICK...
I'd never do that to my daughter. Those parents need therapy. Those kids need therapy, along with being allowed to play outside and be kids.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
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Re: Has my husband got a thing about teens? 
