Blt

Hi. I'm new here. Been married for 2 years, 2nd marriage. My husband passed in 2007. I married the man of my dreams the second time. But now I have 3 step daughters. His ex pays nothing towards her children. He pays no child support because of income. But...my husband pays for everything the kids need and want. The ex denied the small child support that was due to her and because of letting her have the girls on her taxes. But all in all, my husband pays everything. It was joint custody, 1 week here, 1 week there. Now, with my job, we can't make ends meet. I've had this job for over 4 years. It angers me that I have to find a different job to support his kids that his ex pays not a dime. My kids are all moved out. Is this just me feeling selfish? I tell him that she needs to pay something. In the divorce, it says half and half, all expences. That does not happen. He won't say anything to her, says he doesn't want to deal with her. Help?

southern wife

Yikes this is a sticky situation. How old are his kids?

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~~~ SW ~~~

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Couleur

Can you give us a bit more information?

Presumably your husband was able to support his 3 children in this manner before the two of you got together. So, he used to have the money to pay for their wants/ needs despite the lack of support from the ex.

Now you are married, you have a job that should (it seems to me) make it easier for you guys to meet your expenses. So why is there a money crunch? Have you bought a new, more expensive house? Are your stepchildren taking up more expensive hobbies?

I can understand asking your H to go to his ex and see if she can up the amount of $$ she puts towards the kids. But -- that conversation will go much better if you can calmly explain how the extra costs you guys are incurring are due to the kids.

tryingtounderstand08

my stepchild lives with us 100% of the time and his mother pays $0 even though she is supposed to pay $400 a month and my husband won't do anything about it. we struggle, but I have learned from past experience not to say anything about it because it has backfired.
no, you are not wrong.....but it may be a losing battle to speak up about it

A Bit Much

You asked him to help fix this problem and he's given you his answer. Not much else you can do here. Unfortunately this is the sort of thing that can happen when you marry a man in his situation. The ex wasn't paying before, she's not going to pay now just because you and your husband have a hard time making ends meet. He has to want to take the first step and pursue his ex in court for what she owes.

I wish I had happier advice to give, but this is the reality of the situation.

southern wife

Why do YOU have to find a new job? Why can't he?

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~

It's alpha-o-clock all the time.