WhatToDo?

Our story is long but here is the shortened version.. We got together when we were young. Thought we were in love (like any 17 year old). We broke up because I was supposed to go into the airforce. the day i was supposed to leave, i found out i was pregnant. we had only been together for 10 months. got back together when i was 5 months pregnant (and he was denying he was the father up until a month before we got back together). i honestly think we only got back together because of the baby. and we have been together ever since. we now have 3 kids together. he has told me from the beginning that he did not want me to work, it was more important for me to raise our kid(s), and I agreed. we have always had our ups & downs. got married in dec 07, during a really high point in our relationship, but it has since gone downhill very fast.... for me. Ive tried to tell him that Im not happy anymore, but he is very very emotional & dont know how to really tell him.

I am not attracted to him in the least bit. I cringe when he touches me. I do not orgasm anymore. I think it is because I have fallen out of love with him & am not attracted to him. He is never home. He works 2 jobs (and he really doesnt have to) which leaves us a couple hours a day together, but when he is home, he is an a**hole. All he does is sit in front of the tv. When I tell him I need help with the kids, he thinks putting them in time outs or sending them to their rooms is what I mean, when Ive told him no, just go play with them for a while, they want their Daddy! He just doesnt get it. I havent seen him play with them for a LONG time. He doesnt help one bit with the household chores, but when he comes home & the livingroom is a mess with toys or the dishes are not done yet he asks "what the hell have you been doing all day?". but yet he swears he is still completely in love with me and couldnt imagine his life without me. But I really dont believe it for a minute. I think if he really looks deep, he will realize he is just as miserable as I am. We dont talk anymore unless its about the kids or his work. Never about our relationship anymore. We've tried, but it always leads to a fight, so we have just stopped doing it.

My problem is that I know Ive done my part at trying to be happy with him. But Im not. I never thought I would be one to get divorced, but I think thats where we are headed. I just dont know how to go about it. I mean, I dont work. Im basically a single parent as it is, so Im not too worried about that. Its just WHERE do i go & HOW do i support myself & 3 small kids?! I havent worked since I was 17 & am 27 now! I have no work experience/job skills. Its scary. Also, Im miserable in the state Im in. I want to move south, but if we get divorced, he would have the right to keep me here. But thats the last thing Im going to worry about. Any help is very much appreciated. Please be completely honest.

recent_cloud

essentially, for a number of seemingly legitimate reasons, you want out of your marriage, but are unsure how to accomplish this.

as an aside: i, to this day, and as hard as i try, can not understand why one stays in a committed relationship with another who makes one 'cringe'.

you need to hear that many women who find themselves in situations similar to yours find their way out safely and securely.

you need to hear that the courts in every state i am familiar with are empathetic to a stay at home mom with supposidly no employable skills and order proper support.

(i say supposidly because raising three children in my mind qualifies you for multiple employment opportunities).

and you need to hear that, as is said, every journey, be it long or short, starts with a single step. and so should your journey start with a single step towards the office of a competent divorce attorney or to a law clinic if you haven't the funds to pay.

Sensitive

I also have a husband that doesn't like watching his own kids. When I need a break, he sends them to their rooms just so he can get some peace and quiet. I really don't think they misbehave much. He is also baffled by why I don't get more housework done. I think many men are ignorant about how difficult it is to be a stay at home mom. When I am happy with my husband's contribution to the family, I can find him attractive. There have been low points in my marriage where I just wanted out. You need to decide if your life will truly be happier, or will it be a temporary fix for your current frustrations.