jasperlynx

I have been married 20 yrs and have 3 kids, 6-13yrs. My wife took on a job 2 years ago and has been succesful and a very big asset to her company. Her boss has been very accomadating to her and always seems to give her all the support she needs in re: to taking off and the flexibility of the hours because of the children. We thought this was a wonderful opprotunitiy to get ahead and for the most part she loves the job.(Financial).
We have had our problems and for the most part ...have not really had a strong relationship the last couple of years. I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her, but on the other hand ...she lacks respect for me and hardly ever says or shows love for me. I live everyday working hard to change things around and it a very UP and DOWN marriage. Sometimes fights escalate to taking divorce and moving on. Then things simmer down and we are a family again. Very minimal sex to add.
Last couple of months I noticed a distance in her behavior in a different way. Almost like a "I can do what I want now and noone can tell me otherwise". I thought it was the age and that she was entering a different stage in her life. I noticed that she stated to speak more of her boss and that she really looked up to him. They are partners at work and spend lots of time together everyday. He text her countless times a day and night even when she is home and they talk alot on the phone. When I finnally voiced me concern about the relationship...she stated they were just friends......when I ask more about the relationship..she stated that they were extremely close and she had opened up to her about her life struggles and life in general. She says she loves him like a friend and is very concerned about his life and the fact that she says "she respects him....he does not judge her in any way..she trust him and he trust her and she has never felt that way about anyone ever. "But we are just friends" I voiced my concern and said I was hurt by those words and she said "maybe if you gave me that feeling I would not have to find it somewhere else". could u imagine how I felt? I expressed how it was wrong and that I was hurt. her response.."that is just the way it is" my question is "what should I do?" trust her and go along or blow my stack and deal with the circumstances...which will be?

Jellybeans

Emotional affair.

As a woman, there is no male friend I have (not that I have a lot of those) that I go around saying "I love him as a friend." And I'm not married. Word to the wise.

jasperlynx

I read alot on this and I feel like it is an emotional affair. How do I handle this...this could really be the end.

Stonewall

This sounds very dangerous to me. Lets see what the oothhers think but this feels very wrong!

__________________
The most she will do is throw shadows at you but shes always a woman to me!!!!!

jasperlynx

maybe i should mention , he is seperated.

iheartlife

She is already deeply infatuated with him. They are sharing their most intimate, innermost feelings about everything with one another. She complains to him about her marriage (and is likely re-writing marital history while she does it). These types of conversations are highly inapproprate to have with someone outside the marriage who has sexual potential--setting aside that he is her boss.

The book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass spells this all out in great detail. I would get the book ASAP. It was written by a nationally-recognized infidelity researcher and the book is THE book on emotional affairs (assuming...that this is only emotional).

My husband and I are reconciled after a deeply emotional affair he had with a former co-worker. You can bring this back from the brink, but it is in no way easy.

Your wife is in deep denial right now. Every single bit of contact she has is reinforcing her "love" for him. Unfortunately, to extract herself from this she will have to quit her job--there is absolutely no other way around this.

Is he married? Does his wife know about this situation?

__________________
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

Turning the Mind Into an Ally

Plan 9 from OS

She has zero respect for you. Most likely your wife is in an emotional affair (EA) with her boss and it may even be a physical affair (PA). There are links for people to read in the coping with infidelity board that will give you resources to help you out. Most likely, you have acted like a submissive, overly fawning, needy and desperate man trying to grovel to his wife about reconnecting to him. Your wife does not respect this and you need to find your backbone and demand the respect back from her that you lost.

Be prepared to nuke this marriage it has to come to that. If you want to repair the damage within this marriage, you need your wife to end this relationship with her boss immediately and she either has to quit her job or transfer to another department. If she refuses, then you need to man up and take steps to either make her understand that you will not accept this relationship that she has and are prepared to divorce over it.

What do you want to do if you find out this is a PA? Is that an automatic deal breaker or do would you be willing to reconcile the marriage if she is remorseful and wants to be with you?

jasperlynx

seperated, for 6 months. I am a very patient man and do not want to blow my stack. I know if I approach her on this again, she will shut me out completely. I did mention to her that I was a man (her husband) and that it was down right wrong. Her answer "if you start any trouble, I will be infuriated!"

chillymorn

put your foot down.

tell her its time to work on your marriage together as a team. If she balks at this sugestion.....what wife don't want to work on their marriage....ones that banging her boss.

iheartlife

Does her boss have a boss?

__________________
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

Turning the Mind Into an Ally

chillymorn

whip,whip meow!!!!!!



come on why arn't you infuriated?

Shaggy

Is the boss married?

jasperlynx

If I ever found out it was PA I would not know what to do. I cant say I would rush for seperation or divorce. How do I handle this with her. So far she does keep saying "just friends". One thing i understand with her is she is alway honest with me , even when it hurts.

Thundarr

Well you certainly have a problem whether it's physical or not yet. She may not be admitting to herself that this is an EA.

Questions:
1 Is he married?
2 Does she let you read her text message.
3 Is she deleting text before you can see them.
4 Does she have email, facebook, etc. If so does she share the passwords.

I speculate the answers to 2,3,4 are no, yes, and yes and no.

Anyway one thing that makes this tough is that an emotional affair requires separation from the other other guy meaning he or she would have to change jobs. It sounds like she's all happy about having this job so good luck with that.

Some bad news: My ex wife had an affair with her Boss at work years back. It was her second affair so I filed papers and we divorced. They are married now to each other and I am re married as well. I wonder sometimes if the fact they were both married when they started messing around causes problem.

What ever happens, it will not be easy no matter if it's only EA and ends or PA and continues, or you stay together, or you split up. Marriage is a big deal so there's a lot motive to stop this before it gets further out of hand.

Look at this link. It's pretty awesome.
The Love Bank

If you and her want to feel in love again it may help.

Thundarr

iheart is right. She is infatuated with him. It only takes a couple of weeks for that to happen. You have to get her to realize this and to realize that you guys have years of history that could be dumped for someone she really does not know yet.