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Old 04-30-2009, 08:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Help with problem

I need some advice. I have been married for 13 years and occasionally I have a disagreement with my husband. Over the last year, any disagreement we might have turns into some huge thing where he gives me the cold shoulder and won't talk to me until I break down and beg him to.
These don't happen often, maybe every 4 months or so. Well, two days ago I asked him what I thought was an okay question and he just snapped. I asked him to consider buying some jeans that don't show his butt when he bends down and he blew up. He said "F you!" to me about 6 times.
Now, I know that I don't know how my question came across to him, but I do know that I wasn't trying to be mean or sarcastic. I just really didn''t want him (or me or the kids) to be embarrassed when we are out and he bends down for something and shows everyone around something that no one needs to see.
Well, he went down to his office ( on the basement floor)and he hasn't come up since. He hasn't come up to bed,he hasn't helped with the kids activities, he hasn't said one word to me. I am going crazy and just so sad. Any suggestions on what I should do?
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help with problem

your husband is pouting in an effort to control you, and based on past experience, he's certain his pouting will bring you around to either his way of thinking, or an apology.

how or why he developed this immature and manipulative behaviour is not known, but why he continues it is known: because it works.

stop 'break(ing) down and beg(ging) him to' talk to you.

and at some point, you should clue him in that his behaviour is not only not conducive to a healthy marriage, it is downright corrosive.

will he scream and pout when you say this? yes.

one final point, if i may: uttering 'f you' to your spouse is very offensive and you should inform him of this as well, then schedule your calendar and enjoy a few days of him not talking to you.
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Old 05-01-2009, 04:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help with problem

momfour-

It might be that it throws him back to a time when his mother nagged and nit-picked over every little thing. I am assuming that you don't nag him...
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help with problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkTwain View Post
momfour-

It might be that it throws him back to a time when his mother nagged and nit-picked over every little thing. I am assuming that you don't nag him...
great point, i hate it when my wife tries to act like my mother.

and it may not be something you do with any regularity and i'm not suggesting that he couldnt handle it better, because he could. i actually just tell my wife calmly that she has three kids and i'm not her fourth.

other than that, i agree saying Fyou to a spouse is not cool
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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A new pair of jeans as a gift probably would have been more tactful.

The pouting isn't cool though. Ask him why he's taking things so hard. Ask him if there is a better way to talk to him.
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