Inappropriate text from wife to man at work
So heres the the story and some advice from people would be appreciated.
April - June I was letting my wife have coffee and talk to another man (single, same age) as a friend from work, ive met him at dinners (tried to set him up with other people). Bad idea. Invites issues needlessly. Why were you so nice about this? Lets see where this leads now.
Coffee might involve other people or the two of them. If they saw each other at the gym then they would work out together and she would tell me, which is cool, communication. Them hanging out together. Bad idea. This promotes, scheduling to meet at the gym to workout. Ugh. It is one thing to say hi but another to workout together. Again. Ugh.
I also knew that there was some communication going on as well (as friends), hes from South America so hes more open and she told me she was trying to set him up with other people (hes bisexual). Sharing of books etc. I know I know, but im not going to live my life if i cant have 100% faith in my mate and our love. More Ugh. WTH is wrong with you? Gee I wonder how much more inappropriate this gets? You know typically bad things come from having poor boundaries. This is one bad idea after another ...
I thought we had a good marriage was having lots of sex, and showing signs of love (going out of your way to make her happy), send flowers etc etc. BUT Im not an emotional touchy feely person always holding on to you 100% of the time, people need some space (but i do show affection) and hes more spiritual (Buddha Earth kind of way) (which she says she was attracted too) and maybe I could have listened to her needs more. Sometimes i sleep in the basement, Ive had some childhood trauma so sometimes i think i need to be alone and i told her everything about it. Wow. So you do have issues. Sorry about this. But this is more about your wife being in harms way than anyhting else. Boundaries dude!!
Anyhow July 1st I said enough is enough and I wanted her to come clean because I felt a change in her love to me. She said hes just a friend and said no problem to letting him go. BUT Ive known her for many years (11 years married and 5 years dating) I felt it in my bones she was lying but she still didnt want to talk about it and I never pushed her to see any of the text, facebook etc. I know I know Finally. But anytime this stuff happens and there is a bind one must verfiy. So up to this point this is at least inappropriate. It seems you are going to tell us that she lied. Which is unfaithful in itself. But people lie because they have been unfaithful already.
So I found these text 2 weeks ago by total accident. (after the no contact do you want to ruin our marriage talk) (from July 22nd to July 28th). I told her i was in her email to look for banking info and saw that he posted in her facebook. So I asked why if its over and would like to see. She refused then after 5 min she said go ahead look.
From her: with other ones (not going to post) that she did during the last two weekends which were family vacations, I wont bore you. She says it started to change directions in June.
“I wanted to thank you for helping me find my keys the other day... I was plesantly surprised to see you come in when you did (as your meeting was cancelled... lucky for me) You see, we are in sync!!! It seems you are always helping me... Is there anything I could do for you??”
“Finally, if a spiritual connection is what you sought, you know you already have my heart and soul (i'm sorry if i love perceiving with my senses... But don't worry I won't jump your bones!!! He! He!)I really hope we reconnect later, but most of all, I hope that we don't loose our current connection, as spiritual beings and earthly friends” “ With lots of love xoxo” Ok, so this is a full blown EA at the least. You must tell her this is unacceptable and she must go full NC immediately. This means she must quit her job immediately. There can be no contact in any way. She will need to go through withdrawal. This can take many weeks and into months. Any contact whatsoever starts the clock over again.
Him (he hardly messages her)
You are not only my friend but i feel you are my family. It hit me deeply knowing that we will have to refrain ourselves from expressing our feelings…. I would have loved to become part of your life… of your human existence you are in my heart and will always be there
) ALWAYS…. in that very special place where meaningful people live…… i will NEVER forget you.. EVER, EVER…
Being distant from you would cause me A LOT OF pain.
Her reply -
Keep messaging baby! I love it !!!!!
I hope you enjoy your massage, as I am sure you could use it!!!! I like her for the quality of the massage...just make sure to tell her to go deep! I also like her because she does not talk too much.... Allowing you to enjoy!!!! She's a great lady!!!
Then she was planning a trip to see him “as a friend” in Toronto at a conference. She was texting him beside me in the car and asking me about which date to come home and I didnt even know what she was doing.
“However, i just realized that i won't stay in Toronto, unless you promise to do something with me on Saturday afertoon and evening !!”
“If your still in TO, can you check if there is anything going on Sat. Nov. 17rh? And could you let me know if that works for you or not ASAP, as i need to book my flight, conference etc... Thanks again my dear friend”
He never replied
It was more one sided on her part with him hardly replying and he also started seeing someone.
Anyhow confused about everything. Any advice. She even invited him to our house for my birthday party on July 1st, I knew something was up when he couldnt look me in the eyes and shake my hand like a man.
A little flirting on the side or emotional affair. She did say that she told him after are talk on July 1st that she would never cheat on me physically and would sometimes talk about me.
How worried should i be?? She says its now done and seems relieved about it but she said this before and can it be that easy??????