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Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Last night my wife shared that she is feeling very sad. I asked her why and she said she is deeply saddened that we are not able to move forward with some bathroom remodeling she wants. I explained to her that the reason we don't proceed is because all our income is already spent on other things. She said she felt that this was an emergency and should be funded out of our savings. I disagreed, I said that I don't feel this situation rises to the level of an emergency.
Following, there was some minor dysfunctional communication on her part that we were able to work through. She then shared that she was depressed by the admittedly aged decorating in our bedroom.
As a loving husband, hearing my wife profess her sadness makes me want to take some sort of action to remedy the situation. But there is not much I can do here so I am content to let her own her feelings and try to be as sympathetic as possible.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
I dont think so.
You have already expressed the priority here, your funds.
Its what you can live within.
A remodel, unless falling completely apart isnt of need and i think you expressed that well to her.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Of course, I don't know what YOUR bathroom looks like, but I can say, a nasty bathroom is a real downer.
Any improvement to the house is an investment so it's not a frivolous purchase like another pair of shoes.
I haven't been following your situation, but IF you were the WH, saying no due to finances would certainly get my antenna up.....that is, did you spend it on the OW.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans
Ask her what she thinks.
Does she work or are you the sole income earner?
I am the sole wage earner. Except to complain occasionally, she has never shared a thought or mention about things like linens since I have known her. For sure, what we have can be replaced but this has never been particularly important to me. If I should be driving a joint linens upgrade effort, I will put it on my list but I really don't have a feel about whether it will solve conflict or create more.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Well that is wy you should talk to her about it.
Say "I know you want to remodel our bathroom and I want to do that for us but right now it's not in the budget. How do you feel if we picked out some paint and got some new linens/bathroom decor?"
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
I'm a homemaker and usually when I get "depressed" about trivial things like the state of my living conditions it usually means something else deeper is bothering me. And there is nothing my husband can do to fix it. I have to process this on my own. All he needs to do is empathize with me and let it be.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
i have to say she is behaving in kind of a bratty,spoiled way...just my opinion of course and I am not directly calling her bratty and spoiled,just her pouting/depression over an outdated bathroom is bratty and spoiled.
ESPECIALLY bc you're the sole breadwinner.Maybe she can work a few hours a week to put money into the bathroom remodeling fund??
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
Don't try to 'fix' it. If you do ... I'd bet she isn't going to be happy with your solution.
Plan it. Make her responsible and accountable for it. Can she do that?
Set a budget for the remodel. If you already have one, then make a plan to get there.
Proceed in stages.
Give her a goal.
Good advice Deejo. How do we get started? Can you give me examples of some goals I can articulate? We do not have a budget. We spend all our income and save nothing. We do have some savings currently earmarked for education and retirement
I'm a homemaker and usually when I get "depressed" about trivial things like the state of my living conditions it usually means something else deeper is bothering me. And there is nothing my husband can do to fix it. I have to process this on my own. All he needs to do is empathize with me and let it be.
This.
I would start saving for the remodel in a way that reminds her it's attainable. Like a jar on the kichen counter where she can see the money growing. I know you said you spend everything, but I'm sure you could cut back here and there to make the bathroom fund grow. Meanwhile, try to see if there's a bigger issue that this one is covering. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby
Good advice Deejo. How do we get started? Can you give me examples of some goals I can articulate? We do not have a budget. We spend all our income and save nothing. We do have some savings currently earmarked for education and retirement
Spend some time determining what remodel is necessary (fixing bad plumbing, leaks, crumbling tiles and grout, etc.) and what is desirable (new vanity, new fixtures, etc.). Research how much each step would cost. Add up the numbers - that is how much you need.
Start a savings fund for the project. Watch it grow. When you have enough to pay for certain steps, you can start on those. Or wait until you have enough for a total re-do.
Ask your wife to do the research and determine a budget. Make her a part of this process, instead of you doing everything to plan. She'll understand why you can't afford it when she sees how the costs add up, and she'll be able to at least get a start on the fun part, which is picking out what she wants for the bathroom.
Re: Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavash.
I'm a homemaker and usually when I get "depressed" about trivial things like the state of my living conditions it usually means something else deeper is bothering me. And there is nothing my husband can do to fix it. I have to process this on my own. All he needs to do is empathize with me and let it be.
Absolutely. Our neighbors on both sides moved recently. The new people have come in with a bunch of contractors fixing up stuff all over the place. One new neighbor sold an inherited business and the other is an older couple with one adult child who sold a house they had lived in for 30 years. Contractors coming and going all day long on both sides, money flowing like water.
DW went to see her mom a couple days ago. MIL is always crying poverty, can't afford presents for the kids, doesn't have time to help with anything, DW always takes over prepared food and buys groceries. Now Mom is spending thousands on landscaping and fixing up her apartment.
Add this to a steady diet of home improvement shows and home sales shows and DW is in a serious funk.
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Wife is Sad Because We Can't Afford to Remodel Our Bathroom 
