General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Have you ever thought to sit down with a piece of paper, and write down what you want out of life? Just for yourself? With your goals, wants and needs? It truly can be helpful, especially to be able to go back to it and do a status check.
FWIW, I don't think anyone here hates you. They have the behavior. A lot of people have varying opinions on the roles of OW/OM in relationships. Some believe any and all responsibility lies on the attached person, and some believe that it lies on both the attached person and the OW/OM. My opinion is purely this: If you know you are hurting people, then you are responsible. :-)
Yes I think everybody has done this at some stage. I suppose. I am well on my way to achieving my professional and work based goals. I have other goals such as traveling around the world again. I did that when I left uni. It was fabulous. My personal goals are I want a prince charming and I'm still undecided on kids. Somedays yes please other days yuck no thanks. I don't think people really hate me, because they've never met me. I do think they have every right to hate what I have done though.
Omg that sounds embarrassingly like me I think I should read that book who is the author?
I have stopped as well. Currently I'm single. Properly single and I am not " involved" with anyone at the moment. So yes I recognise now is a good time o work on my issues.
Read up on intimacy issues. People who feel like they aren't good enough to have a "real" relationship often self-sabotage (get involved with unsuitable men) in order not to fall in love and possibly be rejected.
any desire to stop drinking too? That can contribute to a lot of the cycle you're in. As a drinker, it was so easy to get drunk and not have to really face the demons. I have much more of an overall conscious realization of things in my life. In fact, take away the drinking and theres no way I would've done half the stuff I did, including marrying my H.. but that's another story .
Ha ha better not let him see that last line!
I had a real rep at uni for drinking. I could drink anybody (lads included) under the table. The problem is I actually like drinking, I like the way it makes me feel. It makes me happy when I'm sad and it amplifies my fun when I'm having a good time. I suppose i still have an immature student attitude towards drink, but then again so do most of my friends.
Example of bad drunk Michelle: Two years ago I spent Christmas with dad, his wife and her family and I got wrecked and started being inappropriate. I don't remember much about it but I think I was being a bit crude towards her sisters son. Apparently asking him about his sex life etc anyhoo I get asked to leave the next day. Dad giving it his usual "we're both very disappointed in you Michelle"look!
The comment was in no way abusive. It was reality. I know a once-beautiful woman just like you who, now, in her 50s, can no longer get any guy she wants to spend money on her; she has lost everything because she's depended on men to fund her for so long - and no man wants to hook up with a once-pretty woman when she's aged out of that group - she can't even get a job any more. That's your future if you don't change.
I understand what you are saying but Im not even beautiful now
I understand what you are saying but Im not even beautiful now
tsk tsk tsk!!!
no no my dear.
we do not say that.
everyone is beautiful.
you have to realize that!.
its not up to everyone else to decide your beauty but you.
you make yourself beautiful by being you and being worthy of your own self and morality.
the more you bring yourself down, is when you start becoming those thoughts of you and forget to look at whats really in that mirror.
you at some point have to decide whether or not you want to see you or see the hell inside your mind.
its clear to all of us that you want to change and want to help yourself.
and thats the first step....ADMITTING! right guys
it all follows after that.
you need support and guidance along the way.
you will find the ending you are looking for if you turn the pages
The comment was in no way abusive. It was reality. I know a once-beautiful woman just like you who, now, in her 50s, can no longer get any guy she wants to spend money on her; she has lost everything because she's depended on men to fund her for so long - and no man wants to hook up with a once-pretty woman when she's aged out of that group - she can't even get a job any more. That's your future if you don't change.
Do you know what? I've re read your comment again and basically you've just described my mum! She's just turned fifty, single, obsessed with hooking a doctor or somebodyof equal high standing and getting them to pay for her! She wont get one though because, although she's not bad looking for her age, she's just as rotten as me inside probably more so if the truth be told. Can't dwell on that for long though, I'm going out with her tonight
Oh my word, my head is well and truely in the shed over all of this! I'm going to leave it now whilst I'm still slightly sane. I'll check in again in a few days after I've had my therapy. Thanks for all the comments and support.
you have to realize that!.
its not up to everyone else to decide your beauty but you.
you make yourself beautiful by being you and being worthy of your own self and morality.
the more you bring yourself down, is when you start becoming those thoughts of you and forget to look at whats really in that mirror.
you at some point have to decide whether or not you want to see you or see the hell inside your mind.
its clear to all of us that you want to change and want to help yourself.
and thats the first step....ADMITTING! right guys
it all follows after that.
you need support and guidance along the way.
you will find the ending you are looking for if you turn the pages
your situation reminds me of the movies heartbreakers with jennifer love hewitt and sigourney weaver and gene hackman, hilarious movie great story. check it out sometime!
I had a real rep at uni for drinking. I could drink anybody (lads included) under the table. The problem is I actually like drinking, I like the way it makes me feel. It makes me happy when I'm sad and it amplifies my fun when I'm having a good time. I suppose i still have an immature student attitude towards drink, but then again so do most of my friends.
Example of bad drunk Michelle: Two years ago I spent Christmas with dad, his wife and her family and I got wrecked and started being inappropriate. I don't remember much about it but I think I was being a bit crude towards her sisters son. Apparently asking him about his sex life etc anyhoo I get asked to leave the next day. Dad giving it his usual "we're both very disappointed in you Michelle"look!
Michelle,
None of this bodes well. If you are really interested in moving forward into a satisfying relationship and the life goes along with it, you have to find a way to free yourself from compulsion.
I think you have special sensitivities and are a very perceptive person with regards to people and relationships (just not with yourself). If you could find your way to sober up and set your sights you could have a brilliant career in any face to face profession along with being and exceptional wife and mother. But left unchecked, the path you're on leads to more bad judgement and overpowering guilt
We call that stinkin' thinkin'. You are your own worst enemy as long as you continue to look at yourself as damaged goods. Truth be told, you're just behaving how you were raised to be. That has nothing to do with who you are as a person. If you weren't a good person, your conscience wouldn't have brought you here. You just need to educate yourself on family of origin issues and how they determine the kind of choices you make. TONS of books out there on that. Start reading!
Michelle C, Are you married? If not what are you doing posting on this site and triggering people? This isn't some therapy site. It's name is Talk About Marriage. I think this thread is highly inappropriate.
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Re: I do bad things and want to stop 
I think I should read that book who is the author?
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anyhoo I get asked to leave the next day. Dad giving it his usual "we're both very disappointed in you Michelle"look!
