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Ok not sure how this will be recieved but i could do with some honest feed back. I suspect it may be painful, but as i dont know anybody on here i hope i can get some honest opinions that i can work with to start helping myself. :-(
Since I was 14 I have only really been interested in other peoples partners. My parents had affairs when I was growing up and shortly before I graduated from uni they informed me that they were going to divorce. I wasn't surprised really, in fact I didn't feel anything when they told me, no sorrow nothing.
I'm not sure if this has affected me in some way but ever since then I am only really excited or attracted to other women's men. This sounds horrible and I suppose it is really? I just can't help myself though. I have had boyfriends of my own but to be totally *honest, I find them boring and predictable. I can't really explain the feeling I get from identifying a guy and setting out to get him. I think I get really high on endorphins or something as I'm in a complete daydream whilst the whole thing is being played out. The downside comes shortly after I achieve my goal. The thing is once I get the guy, I rapidly feel different and have to break it off. The way I see it is that I'm single so I'm not really doing anything wrong. It's the unfaithfull boyfriends or husbands that are the ones who are guilty.*
I know this sounds awful but it's the only way that I can square things in my head. After every occasion with a new man I go through a bit of a guilt trip and try and make a conscious decision not to let it happen again. Then I meet another guy usually through work, and it starts again.
I realise that this behaviour hurts people and ideally I'd like to stop. I've done it for so long now though *(I'm early 30s) that I'm afraid it's too late for me and I'm destined to be a "home wrecker" for the rest of my life. *I suppose I'm also a selfish person in other ways. Being an only child I have always known how to play my parents off against each other to get what I want. I still feel that way now as an adult. I can quite easily manipulate people to get what I want (ok admittedly mostly men ;-). I have about 3 close female friends although we don't see each other that often these days. None of them know what I get up to in my love life as im naturally a very secretive and private person and I think they would disown me if they knew what I was really like. The truth is prefer men's company more than women's, again I suspect this is due to the attention that I get and the fact that most men dont want to share feelings or get into my head.
I can't talk to other women about this and I don't know how to get out of the destructive cycle that I am in. I suppose I want to find out if anybody else has had this problem and what they did to get themselves out of it.
I'm not a bad person (honestly), I just do some bad things and I would like to stop. I just don't know how
Ps I don't always sleep with the men, sometimes I just need them to tell me they love me or want to be with me more than their partner.
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~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
First... counseling. Secondly... it sounds like you have a strong desire to compete and feel like your... "better" then the wives or girlfriends. You really do need to recognize that you are at fault as well... probably moreso for actively engageing and trying to seduce men away from their spouse. Be glad you realize this is a problem... and it is very dangerous behavior because one day you may just try to compete against a female who might have it in her head to eliminate any and all competition at all costs. Meaning some women will either beat the snot out of you or.... snap and try to kill you. It does happen... so.. like I said... counseling for yourself. Posted via Mobile Device
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
I know you think you want to stop, but your post shows otherwise:
1. You believe you "can't help yourself" from behaving this way.
2. You are in denial about your behavior. "It's the bad boyfriend's fault, not mine. I'm single!" (Never mind that being single doesn't give a person permission to be manipulative and hurtful to others. This justification is complete bullsh*t from the very beginning.)
3. "I realize this hurts other people and ideally, I'd like to stop..." followed by a "BUT that contradicts that entire statement. And the "ideally" part also speaks volumes.
The bottom line is you only feel good about you when you can crush someone else. It's not about the guy, it's about feeling powerful by beating down another woman.
If I really thought you wanted to stop, I'd tell you to see a counselor, because there really are deep psychological issues present when a person only feels good about themselves by harming others, but I don't think you'd listen to that. The real reason you didn't tell your therapist is because you don't want to stop, not because of shame. You let plenty of guys see the "real" you.
I know I sound very confrontational. You aren't going to stop without facing a serious dose of reality. If you truly want to stop, you'll see the truth in what I've said, I think. If you don't, you're welcome to ignore this post. My intention is to anger you, just a little, so you'll think about how you respond and how absurd your own reasoning sounds when you repeat it often enough.
You get off on the high knowing that these men would risk everything just to be with you...it makes you feel special and sexy.
And when you ask them if they regret being with you and they say no...that gives you an even bigger high.
Just because you have a void in your life doesn't mean that the women that these men are betraying have to pay for it. Fix yourself and get a man of your own.
Flattery and orgasms are not worth the pain of cheating!
Hey, don't worry about it. Someday you'll be married and in a perfect relationship. Then Karma will rear its ugly head and it will happen to you. You will be devastated and will wish you had never caused anyone that much pain. So until that day, have a blast.
Did your parents show love to you? Or were you neglected while they were out having affairs?
I have a love hate relationship with my mum. During my childhood I remember her telling me that my dad was wicked and was having an affair with his secretary in work and wanted to leave us both. I remember one christmas day my dad crying and pleading with her to get out of bed and share Christmas with me. She didn't and told him to go and spend Christmas with his secretary instead. That was a horrible day! My dad played cricket a lot and used to take me to his matches. My mum never really bothered taking me anywhere and I always put it down to her feeling bad about what my dad was doing. It wasn't unil 2 years later hat I discovered it was actually my mum that had the first affairs, my dad eventually told me that he started seeing this woman in work because my mum was not interested in him anymore and had hurt him by sleeping with an ex neighbour and some bloke she met in the health club. I think my mum has suffered with depression and she can be very nasty to me without any reason.i suppose I started to learn how to get what I wanted around this time. My parents are fairly well off and I used to get lots of nice presents from dad and money off mum. My mum is always critical of how I look and is always telling me how to dress and what to do with my hair etc. she has even on inched me to get a Brazilian wax every month because she read in a magazine thats what all the men want these days !
why don't you read the awful and painful stories in CWI and see how destroyed betrayed spouses get?- it takes 2-5 years to heal from infidelity as a betrayed spouse. You've been ignoring the consequences of your actions and the devastation it creates. You really have no idea whatsoever, you can say you get that but in reality you live in the lala fantasyland of whirlwind romance and exciting secret affairs. You don't ever get the bad with the good, it's incredibly selfish to steal what you are taking from other women.
Ugggghhhhhh I'm sorry to say this, but they are very toxic for you. I would recommend that you limit your time with them. When Mum starts in on you about how to look, dress, wax, etc., just tell her that you like the way you look and you have to go. Evenually, hopefully, she'll get the message.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
why don't you read the awful and painful stories in CWI and see how destroyed betrayed spouses get?- it takes 2-5 years to heal from infidelity as a betrayed spouse. You've been ignoring the consequences of your actions and the devastation it creates. You really have no idea whatsoever, you can say you get that but in reality you live in the lala fantasyland of whirlwind romance and exciting secret affairs. You don't ever get the bad with the good, it's incredibly selfish to steal what you are taking from other women.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
why don't you read the awful and painful stories in CWI and see how destroyed betrayed spouses get?- it takes 2-5 years to heal from infidelity as a betrayed spouse. You've been ignoring the consequences of your actions and the devastation it creates. You really have no idea whatsoever, you can say you get that but in reality you live in the lala fantasyland of whirlwind romance and exciting secret affairs. You don't ever get the bad with the good, it's incredibly selfish to steal what you are taking from other women.
Unfortunately women like Michele don't consider the consequences of her actions. Selfish people only consider what is best for them and not the women/men they are hurting or even the children that could be involved. The only consolation is she isn't married so no other man is being hurt.
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I do bad things and want to stop 
