She told me She has no Respect for me!

confoozed · 05-03-2009, 06:08 PM

Ok,
there is a catch -22...with the respect in relationship.

She says that she cannot respect me... very generally said with ..no clear reasoning...

I keep coming back to her...always the one who folds with dramas (just thought it was because I was better with resolving)... Didnt realize that I was slowly discreditting my standards... dignity...etc.. over 4 years of relationship...

Hence the current situation... my fiance... well..ex if you ask her this immediate moment, has no respect..and I feel the only way to gain or establish this is to just not call her, and fade and disappear like she says..

then maybe she would respect me more?

Im sounding pathetic, but stubborn I really am, and NEVER settle nor circumvent my standards ideals..etc..

but with loving her.... kryptonite....

Is there anyway to fix such an issue? Or any ideas?

nightshade · 05-03-2009, 06:25 PM

I think it is possible to redevelop respect for someone but that doesn't mean it will happen.

However, I think your suggestion of working on your self respect is a great idea. Certainly can't hurt!

confoozed · 05-03-2009, 06:55 PM

Well, hopefully she does "want to" regain respect for me...

and u know, I am super tough guy with most things, but with her...

just love her so much.

But Im afraid (not in the "fearful abandonment" BDP way) ... that she may just stay away from issues..out of conveinance and ignore her heart...

and well.. never come back to me...

How could someone avoid insecurity issues, when... well.. theres no security in the relationship?

Deejo · 05-03-2009, 08:43 PM

The dynamic of these things is so ass-backwards it is maddening. The moment that she will start to care - and her attention will perk up, will be the moment where you stop caring and pay her absolutely no attention. She will hem and haw and call you a bastard, all for the sake of determining if she can still bend you.

If you want her back, don't be available. Move on. Count on her for nothing. Ask her for nothing, except your stuff. Sounds juvenile and stupid, I recognize that - but odds are, it will work.

However, if you know she has issues and sees your positive characteristics as deficits in the relationship, move on and mean it.

confoozed · 05-03-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejo

The dynamic of these things is so ass-backwards it is maddening. The moment that she will start to care - and her attention will perk up, will be the moment where you stop caring and pay her absolutely no attention. She will hem and haw and call you a bastard, all for the sake of determining if she can still bend you.

If you want her back, don't be available. Move on. Count on her for nothing. Ask her for nothing, except your stuff. Sounds juvenile and stupid, I recognize that - but odds are, it will work.

However, if you know she has issues and sees your positive characteristics as deficits in the relationship, move on and mean it.

Damn... your so right. I left and went a few states away for the sake of temp work, and well.. out of sight/out of mind may or may not work.

Modestly speaking, Im afraid she will not realize what she is doing until its way too late. I just really love her... the same time Im really NOT looking forward to that torturous wait and ignore.

I have something to do in her state a couple weeks from now, ill hold out, but when I stop buy to pick up a few stuff... her coldness (lovely russian woman skill) would just suc. but i suppose I must show otherwise...

damn..
but thank you D... will try my best...

ps,
and this is important too, I am making decisions within the next month... even less that will make permenant me living here... or there.. in her state... family is here.. she is there...
how the hell do I run that by her?

"Hey, I know we are most likely going to break up forever, but do you mind if I get an answer from you whether or not we may be together for a couple years?"
decisions...suck..