General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Still at home sitting on the perverbial fence. Seems like every night for years I just get so much resentment towards her and I can't seem to stop doing that. I hate it and it's stressing me out. She walks through the room and I just....well, you know.
We hardly speak to each other. There's little arguing anymore. But just the sight of her and I start getting so frustrated/mad/arravated.
Start by forgiving her and start doing things that you enjoy doing that don't necessarily involve her.
Things do get better once you really, truly, forgive and let go.
Distract yourself for a good long while until you let go of it in your heart. Hopefully, you're like most people and holding onto anger eventually gets to you and you finally learn to love her again.
The sketchy part is whether or not she'll wait for that to come along. In my opinion, it's the least she could do.
Well the marriage is over. I've done everything I know how and then some. Won't get in to the details but I just got to figure out how to forgive her for my personal peace.
I have started thinking more about myself lately. Just finished NMMNG yesterday and I started reading a book last night that I've had for a few years but never got around to reading. It's called "The Forgiveness Book" and is written by an Episcopal priest name of Bob Libby. (I heard about it from our priest). Maybe that'll help.
I agree with Mavash. The anger should motivate you to do something other than what you're doing... sitting and brooding. It's depressing and quite unproductive. You're only hurting yourself with your resentment.
When you're the one stuck with anger and resentment, it's not as easy as just 'letting it go' or 'getting over it'. My favorite: 'build a bridge and get over it!!!'.
If it were that easy, the OP would be already over it, on to the next thing in life. And I feel the same myself.
Distractions and taking care of oneself really don't address the issue, IMO. Just sort of sweeps it to the side, no?
When you're the one stuck with anger and resentment, it's not as easy as just 'letting it go' or 'getting over it'. My favorite: 'build a bridge and get over it!!!'.
If it were that easy, the OP would be already over it, on to the next thing in life. And I feel the same myself.
Distractions and taking care of oneself really don't address the issue, IMO. Just sort of sweeps it to the side, no?
In any case, a vicious circle, isn't it?
i struggle with this all the time.
fortunately my wife is fairly high drive which causes me to have a short attention span
it's still an underlying issue though. i don't know how to get past it.
No one is saying it's easy to do. Being easy or hard isn't the point. The point is doing something OTHER THAN spending time sitting and soaking in it. If you have to remove yourself from the source of your anger then do it. Stop weighing the what if they, or if only they, why did they do a, b and c. It's an exercise in futility. They did it. Or didn't do it, and it is what it is. They are who they are, and nothing you do or say will change them. What's left? Changing yourself. Accepting your situation as sh!tty as it is and making moves toward freedom from it.
No one is saying it's easy to do. Being easy or hard isn't the point. The point is doing something OTHER THAN spending time sitting and soaking in it. If you have to remove yourself from the source of your anger then do it. Stop weighing the what if they, or if only they, why did they do a, b and c. It's an exercise in futility. They did it. Or didn't do it, and it is what it is. They are who they are, and nothing you do or say will change them. What's left? Changing yourself. Accepting your situation as sh!tty as it is and making moves toward freedom from it.
My point is, it's always there, no matter what you do. I can change everything about my life from here to tinbucktwo, won't really matter, because personally, I'm just not the forgiving type.
Sounds like the OP isn't either; some of us are just built that way. And it may be the reason that I for one, have never really had a relationship last beyond a few years.
I do accept my situation as sh!tty, and I'm not packing my bags up yet, but in all honestly, that's what I see in my future. For some, it is easier to turn their back on the object of their anger and resentment and just walk away, than to tint everything with rose colored glass, try to ignore it all, and move on. It's all still there, running in the background.
My point is, it's always there, no matter what you do. I can change everything about my life from here to tinbucktwo, won't really matter, because personally, I'm just not the forgiving type.
Sounds like the OP isn't either; some of us are just built that way. And it may be the reason that I for one, have never really had a relationship last beyond a few years.
I do accept my situation as sh!tty, and I'm not packing my bags up yet, but in all honestly, that's what I see in my future. For some, it is easier to turn their back on the object of their anger and resentment and just walk away, than to tint everything with rose colored glass, try to ignore it all, and move on. It's all still there, running in the background.
Just sayin'.
When you make the focus on yourself and being healthy then that ideology changes. All I read here is focus on the object of your frustration... the person that hurt you to begin with.
I used to be like this. I had to work on myself. I imagined my resentment was a cancer that was slowly eating me from the inside out, and eventually I would die from it. I had to decide and realize that what hurt I experienced wasn't worth MY dying for. I could recover and be a better person who's learned something about myself... Mainly what I will and will not stand for in the future and what I truly want in a relationship.
When you make the focus on yourself and being healthy then that ideology changes. All I read here is focus on the object of your frustration... the person that hurt you to begin with.
I used to be like this. I had to work on myself. I imagined my resentment was a cancer that was slowly eating me from the inside out, and eventually I would die from it. I had to decide and realize that what hurt I experienced wasn't worth MY dying for. I could recover and be a better person who's learned something about myself... Mainly what I will and will not stand for in the future and what I truly want in a relationship.
Yup, and sometimes not standing for it means walking away from it. Beating of dead horses and leading them to water and all that. I'm not going to die from this, because it just won't be there anymore, effectively radiating the cancer, so to speak.
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How do you let go of the anger? 
I'm not going to die from this, because it just won't be there anymore, effectively radiating the cancer, so to speak.
