sharkeey

If you're already married and it's working, then don't give up. But if it's beyond repair, know when to pull the plug and cut your losses and don't do it again!

The failure rate of subsequent marriages after the first one is exponentially greater.

Of course you don't, I haven't given a reason.

It's a place to "talk about marriage", that doesn't mean it has to be positive talk.

Quoted for truth.

The statistics don't lie.

Marriage as a concept is, with rare exception, an abyssmal failure.

MAKINGSENSEOFIT2

I'm sorry but I can't help myself. A lawyer saying he has a low view of people? I find that funny considering how most people feel about lawyers. Not to mention when one chooses to practice divorce law they aren't exactly cheering for marriage success.

2ntnuf

Just a thought I wanted to share.

If you are looking to avoid the financial loss, I don't think marriage makes a difference.

If you are looking to keep from hurting, I don't think it is possible unless you just keep having sex with new people and no relationship whatsoever.

I think you would need to live in a big city to do that and not run out of partners.

Not sure but sounds like it could be really lonely with no one to share your love.

sharkeey

You can bet your marriage license that a divorce lawyer has a better handle of the true divorce statistics than the average person saying their vows on any given day.

LoveYourself

I think marriage is a beautiful celebration of people who love each other and its an excellent settlement or commitment if your having children.

But people look at me like I have five heads when I suggest the idea that maybe it's more natural to lovingly let a relationship run it's course without clinging to each other just like you would hopefully with friendships

Vegemite

Ideally, this is how marriage should be. But statistically I don't think many marriages are anything like this.

It takes a lot of morality, ethics, hard work, consideration, selflessness, care and tolerance, for a marriage to be truly happy. Since my wife cheated on me, I've read a lot about infidelity and abuse in marriage. It'd extremely common. And that's just the really bad stuff. I'm certain there's a whole lot more marriages that haven't suffered that extremity, but still don't work.

I say good for those who have a great marriage, but if I leave my CW, I'll never consider marriage again.

Gaia

I think to base ones relationships on statistics... is just setting oneself up for failure. To me.. that's like giving up before you even start...
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Izzie

I'm surprised at how defensive everyone is in this post I am not going by posts on this site because I've only been on it for a few days and I don't follow "statistics".

You all are going to HATE my comment because I honestly don't know any happily married couples except for myself and it's only been 5 years. Many people who SAY they are happy are not, they are just content. There is a huge difference. They have gotten too old and fat to score anyone else and their spouse puts up with their crap. So they're happy. I think the institution of marriage is extremely unrealistic and overrated, at least in 90% of the cases. Infidelity and divorce stats aren't the proof. Just look at your married friends and family! After 20 years do they speak to each other? Have sex? Even if you as the individual are happy and in love after 15 plus years, there's a great chance your spouse is not, you just don't know it yet, or there is cyber cheating or emotional affairs... People don't like to admit they aren't happy. It is seen as failure. Especially when you throw children into the mix. It's easier to just shut up and deal.

To answer the question, I think people get married mostly for religious reasons. The "happily married" folk are usually religious and that's what you are supposed to do no if ands or buts. God joins the man to the woman and they are to be equally yolked. Society expectations and romantic movies are also to blame. The love story always ends in marriage. It should BEGIN there.

I have ONE positive comment about marriage and it is that I feel it is an excellent institution for children. We have a 2 and 4-year-old and I enjoy giving them two loving parents and a stable household. We all share the same last name. We are a family. Other than that, if one doesn't want a family, I don't see the point. You could do like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. If after 10 years you still love each other then get married.

So glad for this post. It is very raw and REAL. I ask myself this question every single day.

Caribbean Man

This is so true, but in reality people do the opposite.

1] Morality. Instead of being a datum,morals have now become subjective to all different sorts of considerations.

2]Ethics . Nobody likes to be told what to do. Indiscipline and egotism reigns supreme.

3]Hard Work. Who wants to work hard when there's internet porn , facebook chats and instant messaging?

4]Consideration. Consideration involves thinking. People rather die than think.In fact many of them so do.

5]Selflessness . This one is self explanatory.

6]Care . Who gives a sh!t?

7]Tolerance . We live in an era where its fashionable to curse anything we disagree with,including the Gods.

So how in heaven can we expect a marriage to work ? A marriage takes all that you have mentioned,
And lots more.
In my humble opinion,
Marriage is not for everybody.

When one applies for a job as a teacher , police officer , fireman or whatever, in addition to qualifications,some sort of psychometric testing is done.

So what about marriage?
Process = Results.

__________________
Jay Cutler Training.[ Evanesence ]

“....And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Gaia

I for one.. do not consider marriage.. or a committed relationship as a "happily ever after" deal. I am religious... as in.. I'm wiccan. I know I can't be the only one here who realizes marriage is hard work as is being in a committed relationship. I believe.. that one should put their best foot foreward when entering a lifelong relationship... as with anything else that takes being committed too. What baffles me is those who divorce or end the relationship because .. say... the spouse lied about how many partners they had. Well ... who doesn't lie? No one is perfect and yes there will be hard times but geesh...

I do think a lot of people put way to much expectations of marriage being drama free.... and when they discover its not... they decide to call quits which would explain the high divorce rate. I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations when it comes to marriage. People seem to forget that its about teamwork...with each partner having the others back.


As for open marriages... umm those ... I really don't understand... but to each their own I guess...
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Goldmember357

?

If you do not disagree with the statistics which are based around truth and you can come to a conclusion of them being "fact'. So i ask than how can you state that your marriage should of failed? Did it occur to you that perhaps you are in the lucky percentile and that you are likely of high intelligence and or a sound decision maker?. Very likely ( i assume) you are a planner you are optimistic and you likely have a man who shares the similar characteristics. If your marriage is how you say it is than one's premise could be that you have a "consummate love" the "true love" you have commitment, intimacy and passion. If a couple ever has all 3 parts you have the "true love" and your love will never die.


My premise is this!

Most people should not marry because they are to narcissistic, self centered, childish and not aware of their own feelings in addition there own blindness prevents them from seeing who it is that they are dating/married to! This will ultimately lead to failure unless they have a consummate love. Marriage will fail for 50-60% and a good portion of those who stay married surely will have some form of abuse or infidelity issue at some time. All one must do is look at the infidelity rates for those who stay married! its not uncommon for someone to be cheated on come in want a divorce than decide last minute they dont wont to be left alone so they stay.


I never said you are fooling yourself though i believe MOST people are fooling themselves. You are in the percentile that i speak highly of. You got what you put out and you are a smart woman.

Goldmember357

I agree

But one should take note of them. I think all people should basically grow up and take a psychology course or something. I mean i feel i can read people rather well and i am a planner i think everything through. So i have never had these drama relationship failures or drama in marriage that so many people have. If more people thought things through it would help.

Vegemite

The psychology course might help the one's who are commited, but would only make a narcissist more dangerous. I've learnt a lot about psychology and reading people since my wife cheated on me 2 years ago. Trouble is, you can't turn back time.

SimplyAmorous

Me & my husband were never the partying type, we were "planners" from the very beginning... had our feet on the ground, we saved our $$, worked hard, accually one could say we were pretty BORING in our teens-early 20's, our heads were in our future together -how exactly to build that "firm foundation"...so as the years progressed, it would get easier...and this is pretty much how it has played out for us.... Much sacrifce in the early years.... but we had LOVE at every turn.. I couldn't say we ever fit in with the normal crowd in High school --because we were both very mature minded...while others were just "living it up" / living in the moment.

I'd say our Wildest time... having some of that FUN we might have missed in our teens ...was in our 40's.. but yet, we still did it all together -hand in hand.

Now that we have our own kids growing up... a similar age as we met (me -15, him -18)...we can see how they are following in our footsteps. Just very responsible Teens... with a good head on their shoulders. Our 2nd son tells us he doesn't fit in with alot of kids his age ...he complains the majority are "I..D..I..O..T..S"....makes me laugh sometimes. We so enjoy the friends our 2 boys bring home though, generally the Good kids, the smart ones.

Our 2nd son has a GF at 15, going on almost a yr now, both are very sound minded, I have a feeling it really could "last" for them - reminds us so much of ourselves at that age , Her dad loves our son- even encourages their relationship -- we love her. We do moniter them though.

Honestly, we've never felt "DOOM"... we both felt we "enhanced" the others life....I know it Helps we are both the "Hopeless Romantic "type (rarely do people mention this but I believe this plays a role in how we view LOVE, intimacy, keeping those romantic Fires burning)....they say people like this are higher in vasopressin & oxytocin (the cuddle chemical).

We shared the same dreams, beliefs, goals, our love languages in sinc (time & touch on top for both of us)....We've always been each others best friend.


We are both Givers...we almost have a need to "give" ... but of course we want to recieve too! We enjoy the sharing, to have someone to hold every night, wake up to every morning, come home too after work, this is BLISS for us...we crave the togetherness...(I told my husband this a # of times, he is the only person who doesn't get on my nerves after spending tons of time together -and he says the same about me...we just "fit") ...we both wanted a larger family, we are both Homebodies... We've never taken a vacation without the other, wouldn't even want too -we'd miss the other!

He was never the type to hang with the guys, which I have appreciated. I never wanted a man like that. I run to him over my girlfriends if I need to talk, he prefers it this way, amazing listener. Some men might find that a pain in the a$$... not mine.

When we met, his friends became my friends, my friends became his friends...And communication...it's E V E R Y T H I N G . We still have some conflict now & then but our issues have always been on a smaller scale, and we never let the sun go down on our anger...

After we married, I recall us having a conversation.... we couldn't understand WHY so many people always say it gets worse, all goes downhill after you marry...cause for us... we felt it just got BETTER... I'd say our love in our 40's has been the most passionate yet.

I am not trying to paint a brighter picture than it was either... truly this IS how we felt. Of course we made some mistakes along the way - who doesn't ! We had a few hardships come upon us (yrs of Secondary infertility)...in hindsight we can see where we both could have handled some things differently during that time. Then we had another 5 kids in 10 yrs (but this is what we wanted so not complaining)....I took my husband "for granted" for a time, too much into the babies one after the other....but even in that, he was still my best friend, my lover, the one I ran too always. Every love song on the radio, it is him I thought of, our life together.

So even in our dryer times..... we've never wanted another, questioned who we married, or wanted to run away -feeling we would have been better alone, or with another.

We'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

We dread the day our "Fairy tale" ends.. this has literally brought tears to our eyes- just talking about it...My husband is a very sensitive man, but I love that! Life is just a vapor. We're here, then we are gone, enjoy it for all you can, and whatever you do, find someone compatible to share the ride with.

My Thread down below is what I plan to teach every one of my children about Life, Love & Harmony within a marraige -finding a partner that accually enjoys you & compliments our personality is HUGE HUGE HUGE, and never forget physical attraction --it is like the glue. This is our best shot at lasting happiness...

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

Tikii

I absolutely agree. Others statistics and failures never had any place in our decision to marry. We married after less than a year together, and have been married nearly five years( yes, I know it has been relatively short, but it's still an amazing marriage).
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