General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I grew up in a house of all men (my mom died when I was 5). I idealized women until I started dating them, and then I realized that everyone pretty much sucks, incuding me. So that's the reason why marriage usually doesn't work. Because everyone sucks. But therapy can help that. At least a little bit. So maybe some marriages that would otherwise fail can be saved. But probably not. The statistics speak volumes. As far as my marriage goes, I give it another day or so, tops. I lied to her once, now she hates me and will never foregive me. So here we go. Another statistic.
I read my last post and realized that I didn't answer the question: "why do people marry?". Here's my answer: Because we are all looking for validation that we don't suck, and hopefully the person we choose to marry will somehow prove to us that we don't suck, but ultimately every last one of us sucks and so we are a bunch of suckers just depending on one another to prove we don't suck. Which just doesn't work at all.
Because I’m human. As such, and to be a better human, I do not believe in letting my fears dictate my decisions. So many things can go wrong in life, including marriages. So, when you find that someone you truly believe you would want to spend the rest of your life with... Why not? What are you scared of?
I will make leaps of faith because that is what I believe in. I’d rather say I did and failed, rather than never knowing and always having a Plan B... Embrace life’s potential, don’t run from it because you aren’t assured of an outcome.
My mom does not believe in marriage. She was raised in a loving 2 patent household. Both of my grandparents were married before kids and they married for love.
My grandfather adored my grandmother. He loved on his kids too.
So somewhere she got this thought marriage is slavery and you don't need a man. You can just lay with some guy and have a baby. Then discard them.
I don't know. She's nuts. She is a single parent and did date here and there. These were some decent guys IMO.
She said they wanted to marry her and have sex, so she stopped calling them. WTF????
I think she's asexual. She dosent know what is going on with her, and just decided marriage is evil to justify herself.
No big deal to me, but don't put your bullsh!t on me. That is fundamentally fvcked up.
She wanted me to dump my husband after we had a baby. Not because we were teenagers having kids but because he had out lived his usefulness.
Time for the d!ck to go and the 3 of us women can go on with our lives. Besides if you stay with him he will only want more sex. Not because of more kids. No because he is a man with a penis and therefor the worst person on the face of the earth.
I looked at her like she sprouted 3 heads. I said that's the point of a functioning relationship.
It was her turn to look at me like I sprouted 3 heads.
She still makes snide remarks like why do you need to check in with him before you go somewhere, why does he get final say in matters, aren't you a grown woman who cares if some man is hurt or upset.
I just point out I like living in doors. I like being in a relationship. We have rules in our marriage. Secretly I like having sex so.
At one point she told me if I wanted another baby just get another guy. Thanks mom. Just what I want to be a walking/talking cliche a young poor black woman with 2/3 baby daddies.
*sigh*
She tried to push her bullsh!t onto my kid by saying men are good for nothing except makin babies. I told her she was about to get her jaw rocked and if I ever hear that bullsh!t come outta her mouth again than she will have to deal with one very upset black man.
She has kept it zipped ever since. But she really didn't understand why I was upset. After all sister solidarity and all.
People get married because they love each other (or they think they do) at the time of marriage. Over the years people change. Your out look on life changes. I am 34 now and I don't think the same as I did when I was 19.
I don't think people should be able to marry until they are in late 20's early 30's. I had my first baby at 15. I grew up way to fast! Even though i was mature enough to take on marriage. I really wish I would have waited much longer to tie the knot.
I met my husband at 18. We were married shortly after my 19th birthday. WE were together 8 months then got married, don't ask me what I was thinking at the time, being with him for such a short period of time.
If this one does not work out. I will never marry again.. And i do mean NEVER!
My mom does not believe in marriage. She was raised in a loving 2 patent household. Both of my grandparents were married before kids and they married for love.
My grandfather adored my grandmother. He loved on his kids too.
So somewhere she got this thought marriage is slavery and you don't need a man. You can just lay with some guy and have a baby. Then discard them.
I don't know. She's nuts. She is a single parent and did date here and there. These were some decent guys IMO.
She said they wanted to marry her and have sex, so she stopped calling them. WTF????
I think she's asexual. She dosent know what is going on with her, and just decided marriage is evil to justify herself.
No big deal to me, but don't put your bullsh!t on me. That is fundamentally fvcked up.
She wanted me to dump my husband after we had a baby. Not because we were teenagers having kids but because he had out lived his usefulness.
Time for the d!ck to go and the 3 of us women can go on with our lives. Besides if you stay with him he will only want more sex. Not because of more kids. No because he is a man with a penis and therefor the worst person on the face of the earth.
I looked at her like she sprouted 3 heads. I said that's the point of a functioning relationship.
It was her turn to look at me like I sprouted 3 heads.
She still makes snide remarks like why do you need to check in with him before you go somewhere, why does he get final say in matters, aren't you a grown woman who cares if some man is hurt or upset.
I just point out I like living in doors. I like being in a relationship. We have rules in our marriage. Secretly I like having sex so.
At one point she told me if I wanted another baby just get another guy. Thanks mom. Just what I want to be a walking/talking cliche a young poor black woman with 2/3 baby daddies.
*sigh*
She tried to push her bullsh!t onto my kid by saying men are good for nothing except makin babies. I told her she was about to get her jaw rocked and if I ever hear that bullsh!t come outta her mouth again than she will have to deal with one very upset black man.
She has kept it zipped ever since. But she really didn't understand why I was upset. After all sister solidarity and all.
She needs some counciling.
There may be little details about the grandparents and such that she never told you. Little family secrets.
But it sure isn't right of her to push her beliefs on you and especially your babies!
The first one being that while marriages have an almost 50% divorce rate, many have are successful. Also the split rate of defacto relationships is higher.
Another is because you believe in commitment. Even if you had a marriage end, that's no reason to become bitter about life IMO.
Another is to not punish your new partner because of what has happened in the past. I am not going to hold against someone I love and a new relationship, tainting it and not giving it a chance because of what has happened in the past or because of what other people have done to me. It may make me more wary, however I'd like to think I learned a lot too, and now I have new tools for having a healthy and far greater relationship.
And lastly LOVE. I believe in love. I want someone who loves me enough, that they will be committed to me through thick and thin, and I them. Someone who proudly will marry me in front of our nearest and dearest and who wants the same things in life as me.
He stayed with his wife and continued to cheat. I have 1 full brother. But due to the selfishness of our parents we haven't spoken or seen one another since 89/90.
I have other half siblings I suppose.
My dad (sperm donor) has adult children age 30 when I was small.
Yes I'm a product of an affair. No my mom wasn't young. She was of sound mind of almost 30.
I was never the product of love, but selfishness and self validation...in other words she wanted a girl.
Someone who would do what she wanted and carry out her self bullsh!t propaganda.
Then was upset I wanted to be with dun dun a man. And I didn't want to live a cat lady life.
I advice everyone to just date for 10 years than marry otherwise you are playing a huge gamble and most people are not mature enough mentally to know how to read others or understand their own feelings.
I am not trying to be mean i am trying to understand why everyone is suffering and its all because they married someone and are stuck or feel stuck. Had you not done this it could of been prevented
So only those who get married suffer?? Really?? It sounds like you're saying, be intimate emotionally and physically for a DECADE but if you don't get married then breaking up after ten years won't cause you to suffer. Right. AND back to the real world...
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Re: Why do people marry? 
