General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
why do you all marry and feel the need to sign the contract of doom?
for the vast majority of individuals who marry you will not be happy and not have your true consummate love. For some its a great decision for the rest of folk you just do not think it over (sorry its true) and it leads to failure. I advice everyone to just date for 10 years than marry otherwise you are playing a huge gamble and most people are not mature enough mentally to know how to read others or understand their own feelings.
I am not trying to be mean i am trying to understand why everyone is suffering and its all because they married someone and are stuck or feel stuck. Had you not done this it could of been prevented
Following society's norms, family wishes, pressure to "do the right thing", love, infatuation...etc...
Like so many of life's choices, marrying someone comes with a lot of unknown variables that we have no control over. The difference between marriage and other choices, like jobs, schooling, where to live, is that we entrust our whole selves and well-being emotionally and physically to another person who, like us, is very fallible. Like life, in general, there are no manuals, only the ones we make up as we go through it.
why do you all marry and feel the need to sign the contract of doom?
Contract of Doom?
for the vast majority of individuals who marry you will not be happy and not have your true consummate love. For some its a great decision for the rest of folk you just do not think it over (sorry its true) and it leads to failure.
Really?
I advice everyone to just date for 10 years than marry otherwise you are playing a huge gamble and most people are not mature enough mentally to know how to read others or understand their own feelings.
Ten years? Maybe they could mature together.
I am not trying to be mean i am trying to understand why everyone is suffering and its all because they married someone and are stuck or feel stuck. Had you not done this it could of been prevented
Everyone?
Stuck?
It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.
It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.
The first time I married, we dated for 7 years before marriage and it ended in divorce after 19 years (and 3 kids) ... Second marriage, although had it's bumps along the way, well, we dated less than a year before marriage and I cannot imagine life without him. I know there are no guarantees, but we are very compatible and now keep our marriage on the front burner
People get married because they are under misconceptions.
They wrongly think
- marriage is "the thing to do".
- marriage is a higher level of commitment
- marriage is a "safer" relationship
- marriage is better if you have kids (because otherwise people will disapprove of you in some way and that would be just terrible)
None of this is the least bit true.
Marriage is an old, outdated trivial concept and most marriages end up failing. Given the statistics, and the overwhelming potential pitfalls compared to little to no advantages, marriage makes no sense at all.
The first time I married, we dated for 7 years before marriage and it ended in divorce after 19 years (and 3 kids) ... Second marriage, although had it's bumps along the way, well, we dated less than a year before marriage and I cannot imagine life without him. I know there are no guarantees, but we are very compatible and now keep our marriage on the front burner
I too got married after dating for just one year.
She was the only person I had been exclusive with for so long.
Everyone who knew me thought I was mad.
Everyone who knew her warned her about me.
Seventeen years later, I look around and I cannot see any of them,
I only see HER.
That's why I got married.
If I had the chance to go back in time and do it over,
It will be her AGAIN.
People get married because they are under misconceptions.
They wrongly think
- marriage is "the thing to do".
- marriage is a higher level of commitment
- marriage is a "safer" relationship
- marriage is better if you have kids (because otherwise people will disapprove of you in some way and that would be just terrible)
None of this is the least bit true.
Marriage is an old, outdated trivial concept and most marriages end up failing. Given the statistics, and the overwhelming potential pitfalls compared to little to no advantages, marriage makes no sense at all.
So your advice is we should all conclude how foolish we are and give up our endeavor. Thanks for the advice, but no thanks. Don't know why your here. I thought this was a place to learn about marriage, not give up on it.
It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.
I have a happy marriage. I am a divorce lawyer and was a psychologist before so yes you could say my field of work has led me to have a low view of most people. I see how they destroy themselves and perhaps its high standards i have but i truly feel bad for the vast majority of people on earth so many of them live wrongly than again that is just my opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anchorwatch
Sorry you feel that way.
Its true trust me. Half of marriages or a little over or under half fail aka lead to divorce and all that drama. Another good portion of them that do not fail are filled with unhappiness. Its wishful thinking to look outside see a married couple and believe that divorce, infidelity and or abuse of some sort is not in their present or in their future life.
I have a happy marriage. I am a divorce lawyer and was a psychologist before so yes you could say my field of work has led me to have a low view of most people. I see how they destroy themselves and perhaps its high standards i have but i truly feel bad for the vast majority of people on earth so many of them live wrongly than again that is just my opinion.
Its true trust me. Half of marriages or a little over or under half fail aka lead to divorce and all that drama. Another good portion of them that do not fail are filled with unhappiness. Its wishful thinking to look outside see a married couple and believe that divorce, infidelity and or abuse of some sort is not in their present or in their future life.
I understand your view and how your occupations didn't bring you in contact with many happily married couples.. and the population of this site is a bit skewed too.
We have all heard those stats. I don't disagree, but I've yet to see the data. We're together 40 years, married 37, according to you by now divorce, infidelity or abuse should have happened, yet it hasn't. Can it? Of course. Will it? Not probable. My point is even at a fifty percent divorce rate, your conclusion is the rest of us are just wishful thinking and fooling ourselves? I prefer to think not. IMHO
We had been together 7 or 9 years. I don't really remember.
We lived together had a baby. Lost jobs lost apts lost cars.
Grew up so fast.
For us it was the only thing we didn't do and decided to just do it.
We were going to live together anyways. We have our fair share of problems but there isn't any one else who I could see going through it all with.
Our 12 year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. Our 21 anniversary was a couple of months ago.
My 35 birthday was Friday. His 34 was a week ago. Every day we both make the decision daily to remain together.
He's my best friend. I am his. Our lives revolve around both of us.
It's what I always wanted. We over came a lot. We talked about divorce. But we are both to egoistic to be at fault for this failing. So we got out all the bullsh!t and rehashed over and over every fight every hurt feeling.
Every reason. We talked about what a split would be like. We took the hard route and hashed out everything.
2 years later, we are so stupid grossly all over each other. We still have fights and silent times. But it's so much better.
We have remembered we are best friends and really re forged our bond together against others.
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Why do people marry? 
