My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »General Relationship Discussion » My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-05-2009, 01:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Default My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

The other weekend my wife and I were out at a bar.. my wife got pretty drunk.. she was flirting with this younger guy all night, dancing, etc.. she told me towards the end of the night that the guy invited us to go to his place for more drinks, etc.. I told her he wanted her, we joked, etc.. then I encougared her to tease him, kiss him.. have a little fun.

We got there and one thing let to another.. none of this was PLANNED at all... before I knew it my wife was naked giving him oral.. before long they were having sex... I joined in.

Keep in mind, I was there and saw with mine own eyes.. my wife was the initiator of most of this.. he was kind of shy.. she undid his pants, she undid her pants... she guided him into her.

NOW she is mad as hell at me for letting it happen.. is blaming the whole thing on my.. we have been fighting none stop since it happend.
tommy.shann is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-05-2009, 01:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Holy cow! I can't believe you went there...the threesome and his place. Both were STUPID ideas. Why weren't you protecting her? It's pretty disgusting that you went along with it. I mean she was a 33.333% responsible party, but she was also intoxicated, judgment impaired, and the two of you should have gone straight home and never looked back.

You guys are definitely going to need some hefty counselling after this one! I hope the guy wasn't someone you know or could run into. I would never go back to that bar again. Furthermore, you should both probably get tested for STDs. Man, that was really crazy!
ekygrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 01:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 699
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Were you drunk too?

If you were sober, she should be mad at you.

If you both were drunk then you are both just as guilty.

There's a reason when my wife and I drink 1 will drink and the other will stay sober, so we know we don't do anything stupid.
revitalizedhusband is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 02:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Don't know any other details of your marriage like has this happened before when she was sober? Do you have an open relationship where you can be with other people?

Different people have different rules for life so I don't want to judge without knowing your rules but I think if you go out with your wife and she gets a little too drunk it is your responsibility as a husband to protect her and make sure she makes SAFE decisions. I think if you both had discussed this in the past and wanted to try it some day it should have been when one of you wasn't super drunk.

Just my 0.02
BSHAW27 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 02:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

I was a tipsy.. she was drunk, but not wasted.

We've fantasized from time to time about it, but never talked seriolsuy.. we've never done anything like it before.

She really really seemed to enjoy it! I didn't think she would wake up pissed off.

Is it because I am the man that I should have stopped it.. or because she was drunker than I was?
tommy.shann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 02:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 699
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy.shann View Post

Is it because I am the man that I should have stopped it.. or because she was drunker than I was?
A little of both.
revitalizedhusband is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 02:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

I really wish she wasn't mad, because it was a fun time... I don't think i have ever been more turned on!

In case you are wondering, he did use a condom with her.
tommy.shann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 03:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

I would say it was a little of both as well. I think as a man you have a responsibility to protect her. But in any situation when two or more people are out getting drunk that if someone is 'less drunk' they have some responsibilty to watch out for someone in the group who has had too much to make smart decisions. This doesn't just apply to husband and wife in my opinion.

I am very happy to hear that a condom was used but knowing that you have not done something like this before or never seriously discussed doing it makes me think you really should have stopped it or pulled her aside to try to talk to her about it to decide if she was making a concious decions to do this before you let it happen.
BSHAW27 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 03:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: SE Wisconsin
Posts: 2,457
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

She is an adult and has no right to blame anyone for her actions. If she cannot control herself when drinking, she shouldn't drink. It's pretty much that simple. Alcohol is a very poor excuse b/c no one HAS to drink it.
sisters359 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 03:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Thanks sister359, that's what I was thinking... you should have seen how quick she was to bend over for this guy and how much she enjoyed it... so I am not sure why I am to blame.

I'm on YIM: tommy.shann - if anyone wants to discuss with me.
tommy.shann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 04:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
MarkTwain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 3,424
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

tommy.shann-
She is mad at you becuase she feels guilty that she enjoyed it so much. Just wait a while, and her mood will calm down. Do not let her feel judged. That is her worse fear.

If she keeps bringing it up, just keep saying "I thought we all enjoyed it". Eventually she will calm down.
__________________
MT
MarkTwain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 05:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sisters359 View Post
She is an adult and has no right to blame anyone for her actions. If she cannot control herself when drinking, she shouldn't drink. It's pretty much that simple. Alcohol is a very poor excuse b/c no one HAS to drink it.

Couldnt have said it better myself. I can't stand it when people get drunk, do stupid stuff, and then blame it on the alcohol. If you can't control your actions and especially your sexuality when you get drunk, then you dont need to drink IMO.

As for the original post, I know different people have different beliefs and views about what marriage is.. But in my opinion, wanting a third person involved in sex between you and your wife in the first place goes against everything marriage is about. So its no suprise to me that it brought trouble to your relationship.
Rattlehead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 06:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Not a good idea to play sex games if your not willing to accept the consequences. She is maybe mad because you didn't respond like she thought....

it was a dumb idea all around and not in any way anything that would spell marital bliss ( getting drunk and picking people up at the bar) more so when the ground rules for these type sex games are not well discussed beforehand.
ps, get a STD test.
preso is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 10:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Shoto1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Fla
Posts: 1,651
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

Tommy,

This is not something someone does out of the blue drunk or not. You say you two had talked about it a bit in the past. Well what you saw was your wife acting on her desires while any inhibitions were pacified. The idea that she flirts with this guy all night and then is aggressive in having sex with him and then want to blame you for it seems a little lame to me. I agree with Mark above. I think she's trying to cover herself by putting it on you. Be supportive and she will get over it. After that probably dont bring it up unless she does....
Shoto1984 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 10:18 PM   #15 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.

I know people who are in open relationships. The thing with that is they always have agreements and lots of communication about the situation BEFORE they actually do anything or get into threesomes. If your wanting to go that way in your marriage the way TO NOT DO IT is to get drunk and all of a sudden want to play some sexy adventure games. That is not the way.
preso is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Handling a wife's emotional affair or maybe the EA of my wife's friend toward my wife WillK General Relationship Discussion 62 09-27-2012 11:13 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:37 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage