How to handle husbands insecurity - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 02:12 PM Thread Starter
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How to handle husbands insecurity

Recently my husband has been feeling very insecure and I do not know how to handle this. Normally, I am the insecure one and when I was insecure, he just expected me to handle it by myself. So now that it is him, he wants me to do something different than what he did to me, but I don't know what to do.

Any ideas?
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 02:16 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

Insecure about what exactly?

*Generalzation Warning*

Most issues with an insecure man can be cured with more sex. It could be he's moody because he's not getting enough.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 02:16 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

In what way is he feeling insecure, and why? What's changed?
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

It is basically a general question. All insecurities, even sexual ones. How do you handle men's/husbands insecurities?
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 03:05 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

Insecurities are a much too complex issue for here. For some men, they can come and go, others never feel them and others are constantly battling it.

My wife and I have recently been dealing with my insecurities peaking about 8 weeks ago. I came to realize, through some counseling, that it was a two fold issue for me. I turned 40 this year and wasn't happy with myself. The other end of it was my wife had been much more snappy with me over the last year or so and, without ever realizing it, my main way of receiving love is through verbal affirmation (second is physical touch). Basically my "love tank" had run dry (not because my wife didn't express A LOT of love to me, but because the area where I get the most security in our relationship kept getting dashed). Realizing this and addressing the turning 40 issue at my end, and my wife learning to control her "instant" frustration responses, I'm a much more comfortable man and my confidence has returned. I'm still working on it, it's not "fixed" per se, but it's getting there.

Your husband was wrong to say "it's a you issue". A spouse's security level, quite often but not always, can be a reflection of the current status of the relationship which requires work by both sides.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 05:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

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Originally Posted by Dad&Hubby View Post
Insecurities are a much too complex issue for here. For some men, they can come and go, others never feel them and others are constantly battling it.

My wife and I have recently been dealing with my insecurities peaking about 8 weeks ago. I came to realize, through some counseling, that it was a two fold issue for me. I turned 40 this year and wasn't happy with myself. The other end of it was my wife had been much more snappy with me over the last year or so and, without ever realizing it, my main way of receiving love is through verbal affirmation (second is physical touch). Basically my "love tank" had run dry (not because my wife didn't express A LOT of love to me, but because the area where I get the most security in our relationship kept getting dashed). Realizing this and addressing the turning 40 issue at my end, and my wife learning to control her "instant" frustration responses, I'm a much more comfortable man and my confidence has returned. I'm still working on it, it's not "fixed" per se, but it's getting there.

Your husband was wrong to say "it's a you issue". A spouse's security level, quite often but not always, can be a reflection of the current status of the relationship which requires work by both sides.
TY Dad&Hubby, I think that my husband is kind of having a mid life crises of sorts or something to that effect. I just do not know how to deal with it because his insecurities keep triggering mine. So then we go back and forth. UGH!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 05:54 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

I'm a big fan of "words of affirmation". You could be affirming the aspects of him that he is insecure about. Is he insecure about his ability as a provider? Tell him how much you appreciate what and how he provides for you. Is he insecure about his prowess in bed? Tell him how he turns you on and how much you love sex with him.

And I agree with A Bit Much, sex can solve a lot of this.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 08:46 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

He hasn't done anything innapropriate, has he? Sometimes if a person has done something they know is wrong they will develop anxiety/insecurity and project those feelings onto someone else. Don't want to assume anything here, just an idea.


Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2012, 10:16 PM
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Re: How to handle husbands insecurity

Tell him how bada## he is and how great of a man and lover he is. Feed his ego

I am serious when women are sad we say stuff that is not always true in order to make them feel good. Your hubby should walk around thinking that he is the best thing the earth has ever seen.
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