General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
you are in an EA and take it from a guy most of your guy friends would have sex with you if you gave them a chance.
do you want to stay married to your husband? who is more important your guy FRIEND or your husbands feelings. you are not safe to be married to right n ow
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad&Hubby
Lets flip the switch.
Your husband has a woman at work who's become his "best friend". They talk about everything including your husband complaining about you to her. Maybe you didn't give him sex one night and he said to her "Dang I was horny, still am, and she was just cold". Then you want to meet him for lunch one day and instead you get things like "Oh no honey, I'm going out to lunch with Stephanie, sorry (this is your driving home thing)". Then there are text messages that this wonderful saintly Stephanie has been sending to your husband that he deleted BECAUSE HE DIDN"T WANT YOU TO SEE THEM...but honest...they were innocent and he shouldn't worry about it....So put that picture together (plus add in a bunch more things that were probably smaller that you with your radar up would pick up but he wouldn't mention). Exactly what would you be thinking about your hubby and his new BFF Stephanie?
Nail. Head. All of it.
In a lot of these situations the "flip the script" rule applies. How would YOU feel if you were your husband?
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?
To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane_Doe
I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?
To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.
Great point Jane. When people come on forums like this, my natural reaction is to look at what they're doing because that's what they have control over.
I think you have a great point and the OP can even take it a step further. She should dump the OM's friendship and then require her husband to go to MC and possibly even IC for him if he rages that much. When both people in a marriage are acting poorly to the other, it's hard to see where the problem starts and where it stops because it's invariably always a cycle.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
This is the kind of BS my W has pulled, and she could have written a lot of that 1st post. I've heard the classics...
-Ewww, he's like a brother.
-I'm a guy's girl! (similar to your "I'm a tomboy!" line)
-I've known him for years, and he has NEVER come on to me.
You're fooling yourself if you really think this "friend" doesn't want to get your legs in the air. In my W's case, after finding her old friend on FB after 20 years, the guy waited about a week before coming on to her. A "snake in the grass," to use your words, can wait decades before he makes his move.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
Since ive gone through this I might seem harsh.....but plain and simple...you are married...Your husband is suppose to be the most important man in the world to you...granted there is a difference in giving up your life for your husband because he is controlling but I do not think thats it. Ask yourself....what, who is much more important than your husband, marriage?
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane_Doe
I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?
To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.
I didnt miss that part. But personally I think people here are either lying or forgetting that husbands yell and generally act like asses sometimes. So it didnt really have an impact on my answer. I dont think the problem is his...I think it's more on her end. She just doesnt realize what goes on in our heads...both of them.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
OP, I ignored many of the things which causes your H grief.
Twenty years later, I found out that I was only a meal ticket.
If your H has a past where he battled infidelity, (his or his previous SO) then he can easily read something into your actions that isn't there.
Regarding his leaving you because he "thought" you might one day become fat, you should have dumped him on that premise, alone.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
dena, I grew up in very similar shoes. And I'll say what you seem to refuse to: you don't view him like a brother. You're attracted to him, and if he made a bold physical move, you'd give in. I know. I had to break off a budding "friendship" because I sensed what could happen. My husband never said anything about it, but I could also sense his unease with it. Out of respect for us both, I cut the ties.
Woman up. Cut off contact. Then get yourself and your husband into MC.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by This is me
The three most common spin the blame descriptions by a cheater...
They are controlling
They are insecure
They are jealous
Couldnt agree more...she hit all those points. Sometimes the cheater uses that to justify what they are doing. But they forget to look at themselves and maybe just maybe...their spouse is all those things..because it is a reaction to their spouses stupidity. LOL sorry...but Im going through this so a little peed off lol!
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
How long have you been married? My first thoughts are to change shifts for him and stop texting the guy. Then see if your husband finds something else about you to "focus" on. If he does, then I might think he's controlling, etc.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
I would just say, if you were to turn the situation around and you were on the receiving end how would you feel and wouldn't you be expecting the exact same thing from your husband to do? Besides you said that you never had any feelings for this friend and your husband is not making an unreasonable request, he could have asked you to stop talking to him completely.
Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?
I was in a thread where it went off on a tangent about how men don't put that much effort into a friendship with a woman they didn't want to screw. It got kind of funny (Summary, Women: "NO WAY". Men: "WAY").
It got kind of funny in that we men won by default (we have the penis and the urges, women don't). It got pretty obvious who was right. What was REALLY funny was that most women had NO CLUE it was going on.
Sorry. I threw "funny" into a serious problem of yours too many times.
He LIKES you , likes you. You just don't know it. Your husband does.
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Re: Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm? 
