Thanks for your kind words, I really do appreciate them, but I don't think this advice is going to work
Today I asked him to print an order form for me - I need it to prove that I'd paid online for something. He got a bit angry that I needed this, but agreed to do it.
I also said I needed to talk to him about something else, but would wait until the little one was in bed (nothing horrible at all). Again, he agreed.
My (adult) son is having some problems, and he keeps phoning me, late at night, and tonight managed to wake DD1, and she is a bad sleeper, so I was really stressed.
H came in, watched TV (telling me to be quiet if I tried to talk), then went outside on his laptop. On top of this I had a drunk son threatening to hurt himself, and a screaming toddler to settle. When he came in he went to bed. I tried to talk to him, but it came out wrong. I admit I saw red, I was upset that he hadn't talked to me, when he knew I wanted to - instead the TV, then his laptop taking priority. Then I was upset that he hadn't printed the form for me.
I tried to talk to him (calmly) but he put his hands in front of his face. I really did try to get him to listen... I know, I know - when a woman goes into temper mode the man shuts down. I get that, so I did try to approach it calmly. But he just shuts me out, unless I STFU.
I feel like he doesn't have any care for my feelings. I feel invisible. I'll have to apologise to him tomorrow, yet he will never change.
I have begged, and begged him to spend time with me - talking. Not watching TV, not with him on his laptop, but together, talking, laughing etc.
I'm now downstairs crying, he knows this but doesn't care.
When our second daughter died, I used to sleep on the sofa every night, every night - crying myself to sleep. I used to beg him to comfort me, yet he didn't want to. He used to say I was a 'turn-off'. I just wanted to be held, for him to hear me crying, realise my distress & be the protector, the comforter, that he promised in our wedding vows. Yet he just left me. He never once hugged me after our daughter died - never tried to hold me, or wipe my tears.
I don't know what I'm after really. I just hate the way I'm feeling, and I feel so angry when this happens, when I need him, yet come after everything else. I feel incapable of looking after a child, having an alcoholic son, and struggling with grief... to then have the man I marry only talk to me in bed - and not turn the stupid TV off to talk, is just getting me down.
I guess I am a needy, immature person. I love my husband though, and it hurts like hell that he's only nice to me, if I never have any emotional needs.