Join Date: Aug 2012
| | Confused if I want to stay with this person
I do not have the money to go to a counselor, and by asking family, they wan't to do what is best for me, but I secretly think they do not want me to be with any man so that would go downhill. From my friends, because I have broken up with my boyfriend so many times, and have been so confused, I think they will tell me to let him go since he has caused so much confusion to me, and since I tel them my mixed feelings, now they are confused too.
What lead me to break up with him this time, is a few things.
We were at a get together and I was drinking and got tipsy, then I revealed to him again, ( a month ago i did the same thing ) that I do not want to be with him anymore. I am going to University this September, and he is still working, i feel like i need to meet new people, maybe a new love, i do not know why i want someone new when i do care and love this person dearly, i just feel like its time to move on, but at others i don't, i have also met someone recently that is a few years older, but i am not sure he likes me, i have read on here, about people wanting that "new" feeling so im wondering if im just being a coward. Also i am planning on moving away in a year, for a year, and that is also not helping.
I also have mixed feelings of bisexuality, and that was a big problem 5 months ago, i felt very alone, and like i could not tell him how i really felt, but now i am better, ( i ended up telling him later)
I am also not too fond of his family, and sometimes it scares me to think about progressing in the relationship, because if it were to happen, my children would have to be with a bunch of really rude, uncaring, messed up people.
I also do not like his friends very much, for they are imature and only want to drink or get high, he used to be in that stage, but has spiraled out of it thankfully
By typing this I feel as if it makes me feel like we will get back together again, but I am not sure if i do, I feel as if i need advice on how to get over him, if i should get back together with him, and if we do not get back together, how to make him stop calling/ texting me
He says he will wait for me, and i feel bad, because so many times we have taken breaks, and i go back, but each time, i feel more sure i do not want to be with him, but each time i hear his voice or see him sad and i go back
i can not tell if i go back out of guilt or because of love anymore
and i think this has lead to confuse myself even further
Because i know he loves me so deeply, at the back of my mind i feel uncomfortable
I wish that i did not feel that he loved me so much, so that i could figure out if i loved him, or just felt bad for him
He does always try to make things better for me though, he tries to take me out, or confort me, or help me express my feelings, or give me space, it is as if he does everything, and it makes things seem okay
It is as if every beautiufl face of a man, or sometimes a woman i see, it is a small wake up call that i want to be with someone else, i can not tell if it is my instincts, my hormones, or if i truly need to be with someone else
It is confusing to have so many attractions, when i am usually blind to them, but when i am not, i can't seem to get others out of my head
Does anyone else have this problem? what have you done? (attraction issue) it is also hard to avoid the attraction, when it is double sided (people being attracted to me) either asking me for my number, or having conversations
Also when i am with him, i feel as if everything is ok, but i wonder if that is because he is physicaly there, when i am not with him, i feel confused, but when he hugs me kisses me, puts his arm around me, or when we have long deep conersations deep into the night it feels like everything is fine,
It also confuses me ebcause he always asks why i want to break up, and i tell him i dontknow, that is just a feeling a i have, that i do not feel the same anymore, and he says that someone can't just fall out of love so quickly or without reason, but i beg to differ, can't you just lose a concection, and isen't he just trying to make me stay with him by asking this i can not understand who is selfish anymore, each time him trying to keep me to stay with him, or me to keep staying with him even though i have doubt
aside from that, if you think u understand what i am going through and believe that i should stay broken up with him, is time the best things to give before he stops calling and texting me
I have never asked advice before, so it seems a little silly and weird that i am doing this, but thank you to anyone who has some insight
Last edited by 123pleasehelpme; 08-29-2012 at 11:29 AM.