General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have read a lot on narcissism, but still have trouble totally understanding all about this disorder.
I have been having general talks with my STBEXH and I told him that I believed him to be a narcissist...
Now he keeps asking me about the disorder, and wants me to print out info on it so he can ask his counselor about it.
When I gave him the list of "traits" of the disorder, he recognized some of them in himself and said it was scary. He sounded down when it basically said "there is no cure"...
Can he truly recognize this, and get help if he is willing?
I am not saying this will change our outcome,, I am to the point of "too little too late" and too much damage has been done. But as with most of us here... we still care about what happens to them... and I can hope if he is willing, he can be a better person from here on out.
I think they can acknowledge it and get help. But then again you'll wonder if they're doing it for some sort of gain with you. That they truly aren't doing anything in the way of self improvement for themselves, but instead doing it to get you to still be the puppet in their lives.
I think they can acknowledge it and get help. But then again you'll wonder if they're doing it for some sort of gain with you. That they truly aren't doing anything in the way of self improvement for themselves, but instead doing it to get you to still be the puppet in their lives.
This is what I wonder... I have read that they are good at fooling counselors,, so would he be just "saying what I want to hear"?? Thinking this will make me doubt the D? He doesn't want the D... ( of course not, no other supply)...
Narcissists need you, but in a sick way. It's not about you at all, you have to keep remembering that. It's all about supplying THEIR NEEDS. Think parasites. You my dear are only the host.
At the core of narcissism is their belief that they are perfect. It's everyone else that has the problem.
The reason there is no cure is because you can never get them to see how bad they behave. I agree with A Bit Much with them it's never about you it's about them sucking the life out of you. N's truly are parasites. My dad is one so I know how they operate.
He is very manipulative,, and knows what to say to me.
I texted him yesterday with an activity: Name 5 things that were/are good in our marriage.
He called me and was livid,,, said it was a totally unfair question, because the last year has been dealing with his infidelity, and the last 5 years have involved emotional abuse ( out of a 9 year marriage)...
So I guess it was unfair, not much good or at least "real" in our marriage...
Keep in mind, too, that a person can be very narcissistic without meeting all the criteria for being a true narcissist (NPD). My husband checks quite a few of the boxes for NPD, but not enough to be diagnosed with NPD. So, he's just narcissistic.
It might be useful for you and him to know that "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" as a formal condition has been removed from the most updated edition of the DSM, I think it's DSM V (5). That indicates that it is being reevaulated and maybe even redefined in terms of treatment, etc. The fact that it is no longer formally considered a "personality disorder" as a clinical definition, or at least that it's being categorized differently, means that previous info on it--being told there's "no cure"--is also up for debate.
In other words: look up DSM V and see what the most recent research says. Older info claims there is "no cure," but there is some flexibility now with more updated forms of treatment. We're talking about a human being--anything is possible!
Good information. I hear that there are going to be A LOT of changes to the new manual on a lot of so called personality disorders. My shrink mentioned that a LOT of things will be pointed to PTSD from childhood abuse, neglect and trauma.
Good information. I hear that there are going to be A LOT of changes to the new manual on a lot of so called personality disorders. My shrink mentioned that a LOT of things will be pointed to PTSD from childhood abuse, neglect and trauma.
I cant wait to get my hands on it
Considering that the ONLY approach to therapy that worked for my husband and me is IFS--internal family systems--this is really interesting. Part of the premise is that lots of maladaptive patterns in adulthood can be traced to the presence of unhealed "exiles" and "protectors" within the complex "family" of subpersonalities in each person. Exiles can be traumatized little children, for example, subconsciously still inside a person and governing their behavior. The solution is finding and healing those exiles under their protectors.
I read through this and even looked up the disorder and I can't help but laugh. I have been called narcissistic on multiple occasions, but done in a somewhat joking way. Reading through some of the descriptions of it, I can see why the comments would be made, but I would say it is just a small portion of my personality. Just a piece of the puzzle. I also can't help but laugh when thinking about it.
It might be useful for you and him to know that "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" as a formal condition has been removed from the most updated edition of the DSM, I think it's DSM V (5). That indicates that it is being reevaulated and maybe even redefined in terms of treatment, etc. The fact that it is no longer formally considered a "personality disorder" as a clinical definition, or at least that it's being categorized differently, means that previous info on it--being told there's "no cure"--is also up for debate.
In other words: look up DSM V and see what the most recent research says. Older info claims there is "no cure," but there is some flexibility now with more updated forms of treatment. We're talking about a human being--anything is possible!
Thank you, I will look this up.. but I'm sure his counselor might now of the changes also when he asks about it.
Will be very interesting to see the changes, considering the advice on this before has been to "run and not look back"...to get away from the Narcissist.
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Can a Narcissist realize what/who they are? 
