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Old 09-08-2012, 09:38 AM   #346 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
I think I saved my virginity until 21 because I was masturbating.
lol.
My girlfriends look at me like a weirdo because I'm almost 25 and still virgin and because of this they think I don't know what an orgasm feels like.
It's just they they don't know I can get off by myself and if they knew, they would call me crazy.
One of them has had many sex partners but she has never felt the orgasm. At this point, I call myself lucky. I mean...who needs sex when you can't get pleasure out of it? To me it's pointless.
I'd rather get self-pleasure all day then have someone penetrating me without making me orgasm.
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Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:41 AM   #347 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Not even through self-pleasure?
NO the sentence prior to the one you quoted stated I did not masturbate until I was 20 or 21. I honestly did not know. I was very high drive though and still am. I think I kept thinking that it was suppose to happen during intercourse. And of course knowing what I know now (i don't have vaginal orgasms and I have to have clitoral stimulation) I know what was missing. Sad thing is, I kept finding guys who were either clueless as well or didn't care so I didn't figure this out till I had been around the block several times.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:43 AM   #348 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
lol.
My girlfriends look at me like a weirdo because I'm almost 25 and still virgin and because of this they think I don't know what an orgasm feels like.
It's just they they don't know I can get off by myself and if they knew, they would call me crazy.
One of them has had many sex partners but she has never felt the orgasm. At this point, I call myself lucky. I mean...who needs sex when you can't get pleasure out of it? To me it's pointless.
I'd rather get self-pleasure all day then have someone penetrating me without making me orgasm.
If you have had this kind of conversation with her, have you thought to maybe clue her in? Maybe she is just ignorant to it. Help a friend out and share your wisdom.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:52 AM   #349 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Not even through self-pleasure?
I was slightly younger than Jaded...I was 18? 19? And it was manual stimulation from a guy. I never tried masturbation until I met my husband....online. Once we were able to be together, it stopped....until we went through a bad time in our marriage, due to the medications the doctors put him on. As long as we have sex regularly, I feel no urge to masturbate. The thing is, he knows I get antsy, so even if HE isn't in the mood, he will at least give me oral.

Yes, he was a virgin. But until he started with these medications (which are being switched around now, due to various reasons), he was higher drive. I never considered that I had a higher drive than he UNTIL he started having problems because of the meds. We were evenly matched... on the higher end of the spectrum.

It was mentioned by someone above about religion playing a part in LD, I believe? How do you explain my husband and myself then? I love sex. So does(did) he (and working on getting him to love it again!). His LD was caused by his medication. I am willing to try pretty much anything we are physically capable of doing, as long as it involves ONLY the two of us. Neither of us feel repressed by our religion. Do I wish I had saved myself completely for him? Yes. Am I glad certain acts have been with him and him alone? Absolutely.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:55 AM   #350 (permalink)
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These questions are for all and not just French Fry:

1 Would you consider your wife/husband keeping g himself/herself pure as something special in the marriage?
Hell naw. My husband is nearly forty years old! If he was a virgin at this age, I would have run the other way.

2 Would you rather your wife/husband be experienced with other sexual partners or pure? Experienced. I prefer older men because their years of sexual experience makes them more practiced lovers.

3 Do you think that men are looking for a woman that ha had many sexual partners in their 20s and beyond to have their children? Men with madonna/wh0re complexes are not, but thankfully I married someone well adjusted.

4 How many of you men advocate sexual experience with multiple partners for your daughters and wife? I know most men want their daughters pure forever; my father is no exception. I never paid attention to his condemning rants because he is a cheater. Parents who cheat lose their moral credibility with children. When my dad would imply that I was loose, I would shut him up with "At least I am not married and sleeping around!"

5 How many women advocate sexual experience with multiple partners for your sons and husband? Again, I wanted a man who is experienced. Every man I slept with who had very few partners was awkward in bed. No thanks!

These are some of the specific points that I had in my posts. Rather than making general sweeping statements why not post an articulate response?


I'll give you my answers. Everyone's answers are different. We all like something different, so here goes:
  1. If you mean pure as in "virginal", no. We are all human with needs.

    2. See above.

    3. I don't think the number of partners comes into play unless the couple have widely differing numbers. Children are a blessing no matter what the numbers.

    4. I want the same for my daughter as my wife in amount of sexual partners. Whatever makes them happy. The number, I think, is better if it is somewhere near equal for each person in the relationship. Knowing this requires openness and honesty which are hard to find. Love, trust, openness and honesty are most important in any relationship.

    5. Can't speak for the women on #5.
By the way, I was masturbating at AGE FOUR. I referred to an orgasm as "the tickles." ?Yeah, I was already learning about my body then. My mom would shame me when she caught me, but that just made me more careful.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:57 AM   #351 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

The word "pure" bugs me.

Just because someone has had sex doesn't mean they aren't pure I shower. I came to my husband with pure intentions.

When I was a virgin and dating, I was a big ol' betch. Mind effer. Not so pure.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:09 AM   #352 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
lol.
My girlfriends look at me like a weirdo because I'm almost 25 and still virgin and because of this they think I don't know what an orgasm feels like.
It's just they they don't know I can get off by myself and if they knew, they would call me crazy.
One of them has had many sex partners but she has never felt the orgasm. At this point, I call myself lucky. I mean...who needs sex when you can't get pleasure out of it? To me it's pointless.
I'd rather get self-pleasure all day then have someone penetrating me without making me orgasm.
This reminds me of me & my best friend...known her since 9th grade.... of course the masterbation topic never came up when we were young....She got pregnant early , the guy left before the baby was born, got pregnant again a few yrs later, this father did the right thing & married her a couple months later....

A few yrs ago...openly talking about SEX and our experiences, she confided in me how she has NEVER had an orgasm in her life... I was shocked...Like REALLY!@#$%^&*

She tells me she has no idea what that feeling is like ....I know she thinks I am a sex fiend.....but ya know , without experiencing that- how can someone "get it". I can attest.... she has very very little interest in sex/ guys...in her youth she just wanted marriage -like the rest of us...so she did what the guy wanted- feeling this would reel him in.

Her husband did end up cheating on her ....all she wanted from him was ..... Acts of Service , always complaining he doesn't help her around the house....... she never needed him sexually....and well, he was a MAN, he wanted her to want him....and have the robust spicy sex life. Alot of tension over these things ...they were never a good match.

Sex with someone you deeply love is way beyond the excitment of masterbation. I find that hollow in comparison...so does my husband.

Yeah, LovelyGirl, once you give it up - one thing is for sure...you won't want to go backwards . It can be a blessing to not know exactly what we are missing -a little innocence there -if it preserves us for "the one". And it sure takes the EDGE off in the meantime.

I found it disgraceful when Jocelyn Elders got canned for speaking openly about Masterbation - story here - The Dreaded "M" Word
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:13 AM   #353 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

Masturbation is a few fries. Married sex is a decadent banquet.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:20 AM   #354 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

My goodness people,
When will it stop?

The word pure in this CONTEXT simply means that a female that has not had sex with a man.
It does not mean a female who has not been " sullied " by having sex with a man.[ how archaic!] If it meant that , then women who are married can be considered as " sullied ."

Juxtapose this against the term,
" Virgin territory. "
This refers to something / somewhere real or imagined ,that has not been explored as yet . A new frontier.
It is NOT a reference to ANYTHING remotely sexual.

C O N T E X T U A L I T Y.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:20 AM   #355 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by HopelesslyJaded View Post
If you have had this kind of conversation with her, have you thought to maybe clue her in? Maybe she is just ignorant to it. Help a friend out and share your wisdom.
lol. You're right but my friend thinks that masturbating is not okay and they think people who masturbate are perverts. So I'm not even going to discuss this with her.
Although, once I tried to tell her about how her boyfriend should give her clitoral stimulation, finger her or even have some foreplay before they start having intercourse, she started giving me a weird look so I stopped. Theoretically they don't know half of the stuff that I know, although I have no practical knowledge.
But I'm sure, they suck at practical knowledge too. All they know is just penetration and that's what they think sex is all about.
It's just that they don't know how to educate themselves about sex. Obviously, they don't expect lessons from a virgin like me ..anyway.
They just underestimate me. With my theoretical knowledge they would make great practice.
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Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:25 AM   #356 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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It was mentioned by someone above about religion playing a part in LD, I believe? How do you explain my husband and myself then? I love sex. So does(did) he (and working on getting him to love it again!). His LD was caused by his medication. I am willing to try pretty much anything we are physically capable of doing, as long as it involves ONLY the two of us.
I think LOW DRIVE has ALL to do with our Hormones , some of us are higher in Test -this is what gives us that LUSTY feeling seeking it out. My husband is a lower Testosterone man, he has very little hair on his chest and he didn't masterbate while we were married (did when single ALOT though)- some husbands would blow the roof off the house -they would NOT have such "restraint" due to their higher levels of Test..if they wasn't getting enough sexually from their wives.....this also causes them to be more aggressive in other ways. My husband has always been very laid back, calm temperment.

Many MEDS mess with our hormone levels, zapping the good (the sex drive) along with the bad.

Religion messed with my head and made me feel GUILTY and shameful about masterbation.....but it wasn't all religion, what I seen in the world cheapened it also.... So on both ends, my mind was scrambling...what is this all about. It didn't make me low drive but it caused a divided mind that kept me much more inhibited than I otherwise would have been....had I taken the bull by the horns, lost that faulty thinking earlier in my life & marriage.

Reading some secular books about sex with Pictures and all would have been far better for me than reading what Christians wrote, as showing any skin was again...taboo..feeding into what I was struggling with already ..... So what is wrong with showing what a sexual position looks like....to help us learn. Never find that in a religious book.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 09-08-2012 at 10:39 AM.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:28 AM   #357 (permalink)
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My mom would shame me when she caught me, but that just made me more careful.
You were caught too?????

I was caught too!!!! Several times!
Back when I was 7, I didn't even know what I was doing and I would touch myself even in front of other people.
Once mom caught and asked "what are you doing?" And I answered "I don't know ..just touching.."


By the age of 12, a friend of mine taught me about the word/meaning of "masturbation" and that's when I realized what I had been doing all those years.
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Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:43 AM   #358 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by Caribbean Man View Post
My goodness people,
When will it stop?

The word pure in this CONTEXT simply means that a female that has not had sex with a man.
It does not mean a female who has not been " sullied " by having sex with a man.[ how archaic!] If it meant that , then women who are married can be considered as " sullied ."

Juxtapose this against the term,
" Virgin territory. "
This refers to something / somewhere real or imagined ,that has not been explored as yet . A new frontier.
It is NOT a reference to ANYTHING remotely sexual.

C O N T E X T U A L I T Y.
So, no pure males in here ?

I just don't buy it. you can say what YOU are meaning it to mean, but I don't buy it.
Don't tell me that a woman can have anal sex, oral sex, whatever sex and not VAGINAL sex and still be "pure", by your terms.

Sorry.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:45 AM   #359 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

My mom caught me at 5 and told me to go wash my hands. lol.

My older daughter was crazy about it. We just told her to go to her room (ages 2 through 5)...after that, who knows.

I think parents need to talk to their kids more about sex and sexuality.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:45 AM   #360 (permalink)
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Default Re: This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

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Originally Posted by Caribbean Man View Post
My goodness people,
When will it stop?

The word pure in this CONTEXT simply means that a female that has not had sex with a man.
It does not mean a female who has not been " sullied " by having sex with a man.[ how archaic!] If it meant that , then women who are married can be considered as " sullied ."

Juxtapose this against the term,
" Virgin territory. "
This refers to something / somewhere real or imagined ,that has not been explored as yet . A new frontier.
It is NOT a reference to ANYTHING remotely sexual.

C O N T E X T U A L I T Y.
Maybe it will stop when members stop posting awful generalizations about sexually experienced women.
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