Never saying sorry
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Like Tree10Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-04-2012, 10:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
CallaLily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,544
Default Never saying sorry

What is your take on people who never say they are sorry. I know some might feel it doesn't really matter if they "say" they are sorry as long as they show it. But what if a person doesn't show they are sorry for things they have done or said either?

Do you feel that person simply doesn't care? Checked out of the situation? Is there a lack of empathy chip missing? Maybe they feel "why bother" if they know they are going to keep doing the same thing/behavior over and over again?

And yes I'm sure it may depend on what they are needing to say sorry for, BUT, sometimes to me it would seem common sense would say its the right and respectful thing to do.


Thoughts?
__________________
CallaLily is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-04-2012, 10:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
ScarletBegonias's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,807
Default Re: Never saying sorry

people who don't say sorry bother me as much as people who say sorry too much

When someone messes up I think in addition to the actions that say they're sorry,the words I'm sorry go a long way in starting the healing process.

Not saying it seems like caring for a cut that needs stitches and expecting it to heal properly without them.
ScarletBegonias is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 10:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Emerald's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,912
Default Re: Never saying sorry

My ex (22 yrs.) refused to say it.

Why in the world would a person who is alway "right" & never does anything "wrong" ever have to say it?
Emerald is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 10:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 590
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Probably because they feel they have nothing to be sorry for. That they did "this and that" because of <<<put any excuse here>>>. Some people find saying they are sorry as a sign of weakness. That saying they are sorry is giving the other person power. Does this person have other traits other than not being able to say they are sorry? Do they blame others for their failures? Do they feel justified in being able to say and do whatever they want regardless of consequences? If yes, I'd look up the definition of narcissism and see how it fits.
IrishGirlVA is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 10:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
AgentD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 577
Default Re: Never saying sorry

This is from my own personal experience with it. My husband came from a family where the word "sorry" was rarely used if ever, and certainly not shown. So for me, I would say it can actually be a learned behavior. Or in my husbands case it seems so.

He has said it on occasion, but for some reason it really never seemed genuine. Perhaps that is because he usually did repeat the same kinds of things he said he was sorry for, so I guess I never felt he was really sorry.

I remember once yrs ago he actually said to me when I asked him why he never told he me was sorry, he said, "Why should I tell you I'm sorry if I'm just gonna do the same thing over and over again?" I remember feeling shocked at such a comment, because that actually came across as someone who knew they did wrong and was going to keep doing wrong regardless of how someone else may have felt. Kinda like it was pre-planned to keep doing the same things.

I do think too, there is a lack of empathy there. I don't know if that s mental illness kind of thing or what. I have to wonder too, if a person such as that is so wrapped up in their own hurt, guilt and shame that maybe they can't see beyond themselves enough to say they are sorry.
__________________
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten."
AgentD is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 10:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
AgentD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 577
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishGirlVA View Post
Probably because they feel they have nothing to be sorry for. That they did "this and that" because of <<<put any excuse here>>>. Some people find saying they are sorry as a sign of weakness. That saying they are sorry is giving the other person power. Does this person have other traits other than not being able to say they are sorry? Do they blame others for their failures? Do they feel justified in being able to say and do whatever they want regardless of consequences? If yes, I'd look up the definition of narcissism and see how it fits.
I think narcissism very well could be the case with my husband. He is a blamer, and loves to find fault with others too.
__________________
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten."
AgentD is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 11:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Not on TAM anymore
Posts: 1,170
Default Re: Never saying sorry

My ex would say sorry..but in a way that made it mean nothing..then the sorry because 2 or 4 sorry statements...and they all seemed so hollow..Like there was no meaning behind it...
geek down is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 11:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 19
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletBegonias View Post
people who don't say sorry bother me as much as people who say sorry too much

When someone messes up I think in addition to the actions that say they're sorry,the words I'm sorry go a long way in starting the healing process.

Not saying it seems like caring for a cut that needs stitches and expecting it to heal properly without them.
I agree with ScarletBegonias, my husband says sorry off the cuff. He doesn't change or learn, he just says sorry.

So not saying sorry and saying sorry can equal the same thing: no real remorse, or remorse but no change.
Minuit à Paris is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 11:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,374
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Quote:
Originally Posted by CallaLily View Post
What is your take on people who never say they are sorry.
People who will not say they are sorry/apologize are emotionally-stunted.

I personally find that to be a major weakness in a person and it really really irritates me.

It's not a good thing.
__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 11:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Writer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New York....not the city
Posts: 351
Default Re: Never saying sorry

I'm in the crowd where I say it doesn't matter if they say they are sorry to me, but they show me that they are sorry. I believe that it is just decency to admit that you are wrong. I, readily, admit that I am when I am.

I feel that a person would think that they are always right and that they have a chip on their shoulder. I think that the person can't acknowledge what they said hurt me.

Nothing more turns me off than disrespect, and, yes, I feel this goes along those lines.
__________________
No man is rich enough to buy back his past. - Oscar Wilde
Writer is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 12:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
credamdóchasgra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,917
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Either an "I'm sorry" or an understanding of my feelings/pov/experience or a sincere effort to change whatever was hurtful. I don't need all 3.

And I don't want an "I'm sorry" if it's empty and to "appease" me and if he continues the same thing without even trying to change it.

I posted a thread this morning that asks about a specific angle of this. Today sucks in my world.
__________________
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
credamdóchasgra is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 12:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 929
Default Re: Never saying sorry

My wife doesn't say sorry because she doesn't like to admit she was wrong about something to ME. Someone here said that emotionally stunted people do this and I entirely agree.

Last edited by Enginerd; 09-04-2012 at 03:35 PM.
Enginerd is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 12:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Santa's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 259
Default Re: Never saying sorry

My STBXW never said she was sorry for ANYTHING and was NEVER sorry for ANYTHING!

She literally does have no empathy chip at all. She could care less who she hurt or how. It was always all about her and she is always the victim regardless.
Santa is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 12:46 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
trey69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,205
Default Re: Never saying sorry

I have always been bothered by people who lack empathy. Its almost kinda scary like.
__________________
"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
trey69 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-04-2012, 12:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
credamdóchasgra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,917
Default Re: Never saying sorry

Quote:
Originally Posted by trey69 View Post
Its almost kinda scary like.
It is scary and sad.

Empathy is one of the most formative and definitive elements of being human.
If it is lacking, your humanity has a big hole in it.
__________________
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
credamdóchasgra is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:20 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.