General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
OK so my question is this. Should I be concerned about my wife having lunch, alone, with a single male co-worker. She is a teacher and they sometimes have lunch together in his or her room. Their doors are closed and locked. She doesn't stay after work late or go to work early she doesnt go out at night partying.... FYI my wife and I have access to each others email, facebook, iphones,.... I have not seen any suspicious activities.
She knows you have access to her (primary) email, phone, and FB therefore you won't see suspicious activity there.
Time for the usual.. VAR's under the car seat, checking phone records, checking for a second phone hidden in her car or elsewhere, and reviewing the signs of an affair, such as her suddenly taking more of an interest in her appearance, unexplained absences, lateness getting home after work, weird behavior, purchases of lingerie that you never see, increase or decrease in sexual drive, that sort of thing.
Gaia, yes I have told her this MANY times. She tells me it is because if the doors were open the students would be constantly bugging them. I can understand this because the school campus is open. I mean that the students have their lunch in an open quad and their doors, if left open, would be open to the quad.
You're probably over reacting, especially since she's been up front on this but why do they lock the door??
As I've said before, if EITHER spouse is uncomfortable with any acquintance of the other (or activity) the other spousse should respect that and not do it (or be friends with) the other person
The only other avenue you may want to pursue is a keylogger on the PC
This would uncover any secret email accounts if there are any. have you looked at the browser history at all? In regards to cell phones, have you checked to see if the incoming/outgoing message counts match the phone?
A larger group of teachers would be a better idea. Even just one other person.
I suggest you guys do His Needs Her Needs and do the boundary setting. I think this is good to do even when there is no speciifc issue.
How long have you been married? Children? Is it typical for other teachers to lock themselves in their rooms for lunch? Do they not have a place to go to sit with other teachers?
What grade level does she teach?
By single male co-worker you mean he is not married? And that it is always this guy. Never anyone else?
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 09-05-2012 at 06:20 PM.
OK so my question is this. Should I be concerned about my wife having lunch, alone, with a single male co-worker. She is a teacher and they sometimes have lunch together in his or her room. Their doors are closed and locked. She doesn't stay after work late or go to work early she doesnt go out at night partying.... FYI my wife and I have access to each others email, facebook, iphones,.... I have not seen any suspicious activities.
..it isn't what is going on now....it is all about where this is leading. There is really no good business reason for them to lock themselves in for lunch together. EAs start with sharing stories of misery stresses etc.......and by the way, schools are where many affairs start.......my spouse is a teacher, and I hear stories.
She knows you have access to her (primary) email, phone, and FB therefore you won't see suspicious activity there.
Time for the usual.. VAR's under the car seat, checking phone records, checking for a second phone hidden in her car or elsewhere, and reviewing the signs of an affair, such as her suddenly taking more of an interest in her appearance, unexplained absences, lateness getting home after work, weird behavior, purchases of lingerie that you never see, increase or decrease in sexual drive, that sort of thing.
The short answer is yes, be concerned.
She is never really late she always gets home at about the same time. She always dresses nice and professional. She doesnt wear any sexy lingerie, her sex drive is typical for a married woman. she almost never refuses sex with me I could have sex every day if I wanted. I was thinking of putting a VAR in her car but why if she wanted to cheat it would be in the classroom. I have looked in her car for another phone and their is none.
She is never really late she always gets home at about the same time. She always dresses nice and professional. She doesnt wear any sexy lingerie, her sex drive is typical for a married woman. she almost never refuses sex with me I could have sex every day if I wanted. I was thinking of putting a VAR in her car but why if she wanted to cheat it would be in the classroom. I have looked in her car for another phone and their is none.
Explain why you have a concern with what she's doing.
A larger group of teachers would be a better idea. Even just one other person.
I suggest you guys do His Needs Her Needs and do the boundary setting. I think this is good to do even when there is no speciifc issue.
How long have you been married? Children? Is it typical for other teachers to lock themselves in their rooms for lunch? Do they not have a place to go to sit with other teachers?
What grade level does she teach?
By single male co-wroker you mean he is not married? And that it is always this guy. Never anyone else?
We've are going on 18 years, 3 kids.
Id say yes it is typical for other teachers to lock themselves in their rooms at lunch. there is a faculty lounge she doesnt like it. There is usually another female teacher with her. She teaches High School.
I have talked to her about this last year when she would occasionally have lunch with a different male teacher. We got into a HUGE fight over it. She says I need to trust her. I do trust her but I also feel I need to verify.
Its just that today I went to visit her at lunch. I had just picked up my son from daycare and I sent her a text asking if we could come by. 5 minutes later I didnt get a response and I was already driving by her work so I sent her another text telling her we were there and I didnt get a response again so I checked myself into the school and went to her room. she wasnt in her room so I called her and she answered telling me she was next door with the male coworker alone, door locked. I wasnt angry but NOT happy. I noticed that they did not look me in the eyes when I was talking to them.
It's nice she told you, it shows she's concerned with your boundaries. Now make one. Tell her to use the lunch room or teachers lounge. Believe me you'll feel a whole lot better. And when the young buck finds out, he'll know you set boundaries in your marriage.
Its just that today I went to visit her at lunch. I had just picked up my son from daycare and I sent her a text asking if we could come by. 5 minutes later I didnt get a response and I was already driving by her work so I sent her another text telling her we were there and I didnt get a response again so I checked myself into the school and went to her room. she wasnt in her room so I called her and she answered telling me she was next door with the male coworker alone, door locked. I wasnt angry but NOT happy. I noticed that they did not look me in the eyes when I was talking to them.
Bully for you. Now he knows you exist and are on to him.
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I am Paranoid right? 
