General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
About 3 months ago my husband started a new job at a restaurant. He needed a job because we are expecting a baby. Everything was going ok. Until one day i wanted to use his phone and a message opened up and he was texting some girl. She would send him pictures of her and the way they would text each other would be flirting around. When i questioned hi about her, he said she was a coworker, she married too and her husband is ok and he knows they talk. I let it go but i've been checking our phone bill they text and talk on the phone for hours. I asked him what do u guys talk about, he tells me nothing bull**** and that they have a lot in common. Today he said he had to be at work at 4 but i remember he use to go in at 4 30. When i asked hi about it he said oh they changed it. I could smell cologne on him and he usually dose not wear it. Then a few seconds passed by and he called me and told me that he called his work and he was not suppose to be thier until 4 30. I looked at the phone bill and no calls to his work. I have a feeling something is going on but he swears nothing and i shouldn't worry. I feel he dose not want to tell me the truth or he dose not want to leave me because of our baby. I don't know what to do or what to believe. I need advice.....
Right now it sounds like an emotional affair. Google the signs and read them with him. He may not realize the slippery slope he's on. Then again, he's trying to down play it, so he knows something is wrong with what he's doing. Would he want you flirting with some guy? probably not.
This can quickly turn into a physical affair since they work together. Nip it.
And don't believe that her husband is ok with it. I promise you her husband has NO CLUE. No husband would be "okay" with this, unless he, himself, is cheating and doesn't give a crap about HIS marriage. Your husband is lying.
i don't even talk/text that much with my husband....daily, we text maybe 5 times...10 if there's an issue to address.
Of course he's cheating.
Everything you mentioned are red flags.
Bet he would not allow you access to his phone now?
Most likely that affair has already gone physical,because he's checking in earlier for their times to coincide so that they can spend time together alone. That's why " suddenly " he's wearing cologne.
How many times during the day does he text you?
How many times does he text her as compared to you?
The next obvious question is
Why?
You said you want advice. My advice is that you should avoid making accusations, but stop the behavior. Calmly inform him that you do not believe him, and that the texting, phone conversations, and lies must stop immediately or you'll go to his boss and the woman's husband.
When he gets angry and starts flinging accusations at you (and he will!) stay calm and repeat, "I am not going to change my position on this" until he screams himself out.
I'd also start setting aside some money and planning what you'll do if your relationship comes apart.
Finally, I'd make it a point to affair-proof my relationship. That would mean being his biggest cheerleader and supporter, making sure he's feeling good about the relationship, regularly reminding him why I'm the one he wants in his life in an upbeat way, and becoming friends with the other woman. (As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.)
She may or may not be married. He could have said that just so it looks innocent. He could think it would look worse if he were chatting with a single woman. Have you seen this girl at his job before? Has she seen you? Do you know for *sure* she knows about you?
I agree that all of these are red flags. But I wouldn't assume that she knows whats going on just yet.
Everything was going ok. Until one day i wanted to use his phone and a message opened up and he was texting some girl. She would send him pictures of her and the way they would text each other would be flirting around.
There is a reason she was kept secret from you. Leave him until he admits what he was doing is wrong (he knows it) and he sends the No Contact email.
PS: IF she's married, there's NO WAY a husband allows his wife to have a flirty relationship with the new guy at work. How stupid does he think you are? That's one of the biggest insult right there.
Sounds to me like an emotional affair. It doesn't mean he is cheating in the physical sense, but IMO an emotional affair is essentially the same thing.
I can guarantee you that her husband would be freaking out if he learned about it also (assuming they don't have an open marriage). I personally would be thinking of how I could let her husband know about it. But then again, I've never had to deal with it, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
She may or may not be married. He could have said that just so it looks innocent. He could think it would look worse if he were chatting with a single woman. Have you seen this girl at his job before? Has she seen you? Do you know for *sure* she knows about you?
I agree that all of these are red flags. But I wouldn't assume that she knows whats going on just yet.
I'm a firm believer that it's not necessary to "know" the details in order to decide his behavior's not acceptable.
Ah, I see what you meant. I thought you were saying she should just adopt a "wait and see" approach if she didn't "know" based on that last sentence. Sorry!
13Likes 
Is my husband cheating? 
