Is my husband bullying me?
Hello. Hoping someone can help me. I love my husband. Too much I think. From the beginning I have been uncomfortable with the way he treats me. He is bossy and is "always" right. I have anxiety and when we first got together he told me that I shouldn't be taking my medicine because I didn't need it. Also, I have Hypothyroidism. He didn't think I needed that either, but I know that I do. Ya know, he's not always bossy and mean, and I know he loves me, but his way of showing it definiately makes it hard to always believe that. And...he's never really "mean", but he does things in more of a passive agressive way.
It's hard to explain and remember everything because there has been so much, but right now I work over an hour away, I'm usually pretty tired. I leave the house at 8:20am and get home at 7:15pm. I leave so late because of the time change. When I get home, I either make dinner or we go get something to eat. Right after dinner, we go to the gym. There is no skipping the gym, if there is he ridicules me until I go. The gym is 6 days a week, however, every other day is only 20 minutes. We usually get to the gym around 8:30 and 9:30 depending upon the night. I get home from the gym between 10 and 11pm which is pretty much time for bed or after. So, I really get no relaxation time. It has been really hard on me.
About 3 years ago, I decided I was going to take back my life and found a job 3 hours away. I moved up there so I can have some of my life back. I have since moved back because the job was not what I needed it to be.
My husband doesn't say that I'm fat, the fact that I recent lost 30 lbs has helped. He was saying when I was in the tub or I was naked, "we really need to eat better and try harder at the gym because we're gaining weight." He makes it an us thing.
I try not to use this as an excuse, but I'm an Accountant and my husband is a artist. He brings in some money, but we spend a lot of money traveling around trying to get him exposure for his art. I enjoy doing those things, but the lack of net money coming in from his side makes things hard. I did know he was an artist when we got together, but it was always discussed, by me I guess that if it didn't pan out, he would find something that brings in more income. He is very talented and has a shot at something happening for him, but it has been 7 years now since we've been together, we have no children, but it is clear that he does not intend to do anything additional to help out. He also has tendency to blow opportunities. He's had some work for a Hollywood director and yes, it wasn't much money, but he didn't finish the project because the guy kept asking for numerous changes, I do understand to some extent, but he gets frustrated and doesn't seem to have what it takes to make it happen. Not sure really what that is.
So, the I'm thinking that even if the opportunites do come around, he may blow them. So, not sure what to do there. He has said that he does not intend to do anything else. He does teach private lessons, but the traveling and rent cuts into what he makes.
Probably one of the biggest problems for me is his idea of spending. I don't really spend a lot of money on unnecessary things. He just went to a gaming convention for fun and spent $600 for the weekend. I have vision insurance and got a pair of glasses and paid a little for what my insurance did not cover, but even though he just spent $600 at a convention for fun, because I spent a couple hundred on glasses, he thought he should have a couple hundred for him to spend on whatever he wants. And that's the thing, he is like that about everything. He watches the bank account and if I spend $40 at Goodwill on new clothes, that's $40 that he gets to go spend at the game store. He's like a 2 year old, but that is really how things are.
My situation is somewhat similar to a lady who recently posted on here and said that she lies to her husband because if she tells him, he ridicules her. My situation is the same. I told my husband I needed new tires, multiple times. He said he knew. This was in the Spring. My tires were going bald and I drive 2 hours every day. He said I had about 2,000 more miles to get out of them and that we can look at getting new tires in the fall. Well, I'm sorry, I put almost 3,000 miles on my tires in a month. It wouldn't last till fall. So, after a couple of weeks and mentioning it multiple times, I went and got me new tires.
I have to do that with a lot of things because that is how it is. I just got a new pair of gym shoes because mine were worn out. He took his $100 and made sure to spend it right away. So, yes, I lie to my husband too. I did tell him about the shoes and to go ahead and spend the $100 because I knew he was going to.
I worked 10 hours yesterday and when I told my husband that I was going to be home at 9:15, he let me know that we were still going to the gym.
My computer just got a virus and when I went to my Bank's web page the screen asked for all of my personal information including my social security number and my debit card information. I called my bank and they told me that it was a virus. I ran my virus protection, but my screen on my bank did not go away. The guy at the bank told me that it was something linked to my operating system and that it would have to be removed. A couple days later, I received an e-mail form a company we did business with back in April and was completely paid up. My e-mail must have been hacked because this was a bill from that company that we previously paid and said if the invoice was okay to reply. I contacted the company I received the e-mail from and they did not send it.
My husband wanted to know why I thought I had a virus after explaining the situation to him numerous times. I was nervous so I bought a years worth of LifeLock, that identity theft protection that was just a $100. After all this happened, my husband told me not to get it because it was a waste money. Well, I got it anyway. So, yep, that is my situation.
Any advice and response is appreciated.