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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 11:25 PM Thread Starter
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my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Hello to all, and congrats on what appears to be a great source for people like me, and I'm hoping by spilling my guts, I can start the process to live again.

I'm 31, and married with two children, my girls (one biological- 15months) and one step daughter I've raised since about the same age of my biological daughter, whom I treat and love as my own.

My wife (hmm we'll call her "Eva") and I have known each other for 11 years, been together about 5 officially and married for 1 year 9mos. Just a brief back history (I need help which u will read about, so forgive and correct me if I'm too bold) but it may be a clue.. I was her first lover at 17 years old (sexual) when I was 21, Eva is now 27. Back then I was into the party life, and this girl had obsessed and loved me back then. I was to blind in those days and we had merely a hook up type of relationship which hurt her. I was young and completely wrong, and owe up to, and regret it, so please don't flame me. Fast forward to our real relationship, we both had been in longer relationships after, mine was very normal, hers was doing drugs, and ended up with our beautiful daughter, that father was a deadbeat and continued drugs and left her destitute with a baby, and that's whenneva came to call on me,mas we still remanded friends the whole time. I have been in two 4plus year serious relationships, and each have ended with me haing my heart broken by each girl, each time devastating me. I am a romantic, I believe in love so much and never had closure from any of these previous relationships... The last of which ended an engagement, only to find her with my best friend, guess what. They are now engaged.

Fast forward again to Eva, we had both had crippling blows in life and relationships, grown a lot, and started dating. Seeing her little girl and being a pseudo family changed my life, I wanted to be her daddy, love and protect her the best I could. So many positives came, along with my net daughter, planned btw, and our marriage, my best friend. We agreed we were mature and promised that we learned Life, and live happily ever after. Great things happened then otherwise, she has a good job as a server at a casino, making great money, and I was doing well, really well, and started my own business. My wife's work is demanding, she works at night till 3am so we really didn't get a lotmofntimeneith me working during the days, but found it healthy as we loved our precious time together.

She started losing the baby weight, brilliant waxes, blonde hair dye, and started to look even more amazing. As this stuff started going on, I noticed that the normal I love u texts and the attention I received went away, like night and day. And stated to become paranoid, but at the same time I was being nagged to quit my day job to work solely on my business. Literally nagged as she couldn't take the lack of sleep for her job, which in Eva's fairness she was really exhausted due to being up with the kids after two hours sleep till ifame home,she'd sleep for another hour or so then back to work. So I humored her,she was my heroine, imhadnsupportto start a business, and it would help her so great!

But all the while the coldness was growing with her towards me, I couldn't shake something wasn't right. That's when i personally investigated infidelity. Her iPhone all of a sudden had a password lock and the ringer off (reading here I know the red flags). Eventually she blamed me, I'm crazy, and it sickens her, and it's locked because I am mess with her space. I love this girl so much folks, so much, that I oblige and stop it after she out of nowhere (3days after finally quitting my real jobs) and once to take "space".

I've been dumped, but not like this, we just had a beautiful baby girl a little over a year ago, I am a father to a child I didnt conceive and loved Eva with all my soul. She would go to work with her rings off, and I just figured she was going through stress beingnthenfinancial backbone during my startup,timeof my company. I was going to never give up on the mother off my children, we are a family that clicked. A month goes by, I gave her a new ring and we seemed to be Doing so much better. (I want to add we have a beautiful new home). Then one day I catch her iphone unlocked from a session she was on as she fed the baby, that's when my gut dropped.

She had been having work issues and money wasn't the same, she had comes home the previous night, crying to me on my shoulder in my office as I consoled her with love. Well the text I see was to a man five years older than me, and all I could read without becoming frantic, so sad and just couldn't read anymore of - she was saying, "I'm so lucky to have u in my life". Him- me too baby, her- I was you could hold me right owns and tell me everything is going to be alright".
I was so sick and I couldn't talk and confronted her, she pulls some crazy stuff saying, oh liken u don't think I know u have a gf? So far from the truth, obviously her way to justify her behavior. We go out for dinner that night to discuss. Mi advise, now is the time, be honest, do u have plans with him (also a married man ..don't know if I mentioned above us my wife works a night with this man). She said nothing sexual or anything has happened, though she was curious and admits this emotional affair, but just more as a friend going through the Same affliction with his wife ). She doesn't want me to mention it, as he will lose his kid with his wife now. I compromise and tell her I love her, the cats out, I want this to stop, and I will give her the chance for me to overlook, ON HER CALL). She wanted to choose our marriage and makemitmwork.

Things get good again until 3 days ago,mother coldness happens again, no texts on her break, no affection. Comes to bed in middle of night after work and even my cuddle hug to sleep/rejected.

Mind you this whole time after the first incident, I would rub her back/ feet 45 mins a day, let her sleep 10-12 hours a day, and take care of the kids myself. She spent her awake time playing games outside on phone, smoking, and really just no interaction with our kids. I cook, clean, bathe change diapers, full time, and run myself into the ground at night to work on my business. But there was a definite exposé of her not respecting me, I'd never get a back rub, even for a min, would initiate my kisses good bye, and any love in general, she just stayed distant, but displayed even just enough to keep me think we are moving forward. Now financesare rough, my company is app developmentnandnweb/graphic design so money comes in here and there but,hey I just started 3 ,on the ago, but we weren't able to do the fun things and splurge like we used to until, I start making good money. So I get the financial stress and I always remind her thatnthisnis work and one day it will pay off, after all she MADE me quit, I can emphasize this enough.

Today, her first day off of the week, I ask her what's wrong, as she just isn't even talking. It comes out she still is to happy, and tells me I need to get a job and start planning to seperate. My heart is broken, but now I'm not going to sob and show her my pain again, this time is going to killis if you guys can help me.

I've been a doormat and I'm not lying, the rubs everyday, just doing everything family wise like a classic 60s house wife. She lived in luxury, I wild do DO anythingnshenasked. I believe the only thing I ca do islet her go, but folks I can't, I come from a divorced family, and it hurts. I want my wife and kids and want nothing more. The sheerthought of herndaingna screwing aroundnHURzts me so bad. This is my love, I've never hadnthisnfeelng this string ever, I can't cope. We do not haventheresources to split, I have a brand new car, his is fournyearsnold and just blew up, rightmpastnthenwarranty. We don't own two of everything to split and cant do ity yyetr. She needs my car to go to work, And I need her mney support, we are really codependent, and just can't split away even if we wanted to, no relatives that we can even crash with right now as we havenyoungmkids and ugh impossible. So we have to room together in the house and still sleep I. OurnVERy expensive king bed.

My questions though is, whyndomimjustntwomdays at get a love song of ourmsentnoverbtext from the radio from her and then three days later this, do I wait this out, is shencheatingnand has been? How doi coexist with this till I can support myself again. I'll get more detailed as I'm hiding with an iPad right ow, hence the awful grammar and scattered thoughts. But I WANT MY WIFE, I love her, I would die for her. For my kids, I want us all together,money are too young. Please talk to me and help me through this, I'm so helpless, scared and hurt andim crying again now, as she's just so cold to my feelings.

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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 11:43 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Talk to an attorney and start planning for divorce, even though it's not what you want. You've seen that being the nice guy isn't working with her, so take a new approach. Either you'll split or she'll realize that the nice guy is the best thing she can have going in her life.

After you talk to an attorney (the consultation is usually free), start demonstrating that you're NOT going to be used and mistreated.

1. Take 1/2 of any joint bank account funds and open a separate account at a new bank in your own name.
2. Change the locks while she's at work.
3. Let her go.
4. Without your car... let her boyfriend come pick her up, hold her, and tell her just how "okay" she's going to be.
5. Notify the other guy's wife. Offer her copies of your cell phone records showing the contacts between him and your wife.

What will happen is that she'll discover just how NOT okay things are and the reality check is likely to make her reconsider what she's doing to your family. However, I recommend not allowing her back into your life until you guys get some marital counseling, too.

It will be very, very hard to do this because of how you feel, but it will give you a chance to regain her respect and will give her a chance to realign her values and learn to put her family before herself.

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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 01:44 AM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

I understand that you love her very much.
But she does not love you.
She IS cheating on you and will not stop until to man up.
Before you can get her back , or any woman into your life, you need to get your b@lls back.
Stop crying in front of her. Stop begging . Stop rubbing her back and feet.
She is manipulating you. Most likely she has had sex with this man. She has not shown much remorse after she admitted an emotional affair, and she is still in contact wih him.
She thinks you will believe and do anything she says .
Think for yourself , do you really deserve this treatment after all that you have done for her?
Secure your finances and contact a lawyer.
BTW, casinos are a breeding ground for such affairs.

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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

thank you so much for the replies, and i really do apologize for how bad it was to read, as i was using an iPad and was constantly hiding the fact i was on this forum, id like to keep all you nice peoples attention as i have some more to discuss in a bit when she isnt around - so please your words are sincerely helping me
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 02:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

*update Today when i awoke, (we slept in seperate sides of the bed) (and quick oresiquite, i have nightmares....ALL the time) i sincerely thought, ugghhh what a horrid nightmare, untill i realized this was all still going on. I want to give my financial background out to get advise. I design and develop iPhone apps, Android Apps, and do Website Design and Development in between development time. My apps currently for sale have done ho hum, but nothing to take care of the bills, web design work pays good WHEN i get. I havent been able to grow much due to my catering her sleep and loving my children, as working at home with children is extremely difficult. So long story short, ive been living off her for about 2 months. Im currently on FMLA and disability from my job (she thinks her nagging me to quit that i really did...nope) but i WAS in the process of quitting now as of last week, and im not sure ill get to keep my job. I may be able to stay with my brother for a week or two on his couch, but i have an office at home, Dual 27" iMacs, my 2 PC's and my graphics tablets...i need these to work on my business so theyd need to come with me. Do i stay here as she will keep me afloat while i work on things? Its really lucrative for me to stay home to work as she is gone all night so... but at the same time i want her to see what getting up at 7am, kids screaming for attention, and then getting no sleep for work does to her again. Guys i really love her, she USED to be so sweet, she changed me in so many GOOD ways, she was such a great mother (she spends 1 hr with them a day and its basically letting them roam the house while she smokes outside and plays games on her phone.) My old "Eva" was so precious to me, but the brazzilian wax (i orefer the opposite", the died blonde hair, the weightloss, the text to the coworker, i mean she is cheating on me. I need no other soon she is here now sorry
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 02:32 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Originally Posted by isThere SomethingWrongWMe View Post
thank you so much for the replies, and i really do apologize for how bad it was to read, as i was using an iPad and was constantly hiding the fact i was on this forum, id like to keep all you nice peoples attention as i have some more to discuss in a bit when she isnt around - so please your words are sincerely helping me
Check out the CWI section as well.

Like it or not, you have to play hardball when dealing with an affair. The nice guy act enables affairs as it makes you the backup plan and gives them motivation to take risks with the affair partner. Regardless of what she says, she knows if she fails you'll be there...until she finds someone else.

Get angry, this isn't your fault so don't take any blame for this. She is disrespecting you so act accordingly. The people that get angry and head straight for a D have a higher chance of reconciling than the ones that remain passive and wait for the WS to do something.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 02:53 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Hello Nice Guy....

if you have any shot in hell you better read those Ten Commandments of Synthetics and tattoo on your forehead.

Jesus.... its like almost the exact same story day after day.

Women say they want loving, sweet, affection betas and when you finally really fall in love and break down and really go all in, they lose respect, lose the passion, lose the love and start banging alpha douche.

All I can say is, take the Red Pill quick....

Sorry man.. I feel ya
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 02:57 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

You wont get her to stop cheating and end her affair by being nice or accommodating, you've already been that and she is still cheating.

You need to play hard ball.

#1. You must expose the OM to his wife. Find out who he is and then find his wife and expose the affair. Do not waste time on him.

#2 put a voice activated recorder in your car. I even suggest a gps tracker since she's meeting up with him ovbviosly. Youll find that the times you watch the kids, she is hooking up with him.

She is so tired because she's working and going out on hook ups and dates with the OM. By the time she gets home she just wants to crash and sleep.

Find out how she met the OM and where they hookup.

From her actions this is far more than friends. Her words in the text alone show this is a physical affair.

The previous stuff were she was worried is that the OMW may have been close to catching them, but they fooled her.

I suspect when you find and talk to the OMW you will be confirming what she suspects.
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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 07:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Thanks again to all of you for your help and support. Can I be absolutely honest? I'm scared, terrified, resistant, and just crushed so flipping hard, like I'm stuck between hallucination and reality. I just can't seem to cope right...

Continuing with today, it was ugly. We went together to pick up my four year old for school, and she was a different person entirely, royally peeved. We didn't talk the whole way, but I could tell she was almost disgusted I was there w her. We then go her moms (I have an excellent repoir with her, and we decided to have a mediater. She's with me I believe, and can't get around why "Eva" won't go at Least counseling with me, as she's concerned for the kids, after all, im the daddy my first daughter never had, and what's in the future? Daddy 3? And a kid with daddy 3? We fought on the way home, she even treated to smash my iMacs and graphics tabs, and other nasty stuff like - yeah my mo. Will watch the kids if I want to go out, as my family is not "a group of co$ksuckers" like yours. She knows my estranged family is a big reason I depend on hers, and that hurt, as I absolutely adore her family, while lately she's been pushing them away.

She did make dinner tonight, a really good one, sent me to liquor store, and had me get a huge bottle of champagne..we haven't really talked much more since then, more cordial, but she is def walking around her like a proud rooster.

So is she cheating, well locked iPhone, ringer off, previous caught text, texting someone still, but why hasn't she just said it? I mean she had every opportunity! And get this when she started dinner, she made a point, in a slightly nice way to tell me,myou know you have to stop thinking g I have ten dates setup, and that she hasn't talked to the a$$hole home wrecker she works with... Real sincere and out of nowhere... Do I believe this? I need to leave her. I want to this time, now it's me, but I don't...ughhhh y is this so there much hurt and anxiety in my sol, why can't everything be so sweet and make me so proud again. Ca. I even date omg I just do t even want too
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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-10-2012, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

Ahh, and now the Facebook password is changed, we always knew each others, even after the bs in this had started, and just tonight hers as changed, right after becoming friends with 8 random men. Yeah I'm a fool. I'm ashamed of myself, and my self esteem has never been lower. This is just not fair. Why do I wish I was the one doing this to someone for once, why have morals and values if no one else wants to, how do I stop driving myself insane imaging her enthrall we in bed with another man, and her sending him the forget me not love texts that I always was so happy to receive. I am hurting bad tonight. When does this get better? The fall is coming, shorter days and nights, cold air, the holidays which is the pinnacle time of our fun watching our kids eyes glow. I feel I'm being cast aside and some pos will have the right I created and make my girls smile. For Christs sake my little is still a baby, how can she just feel nothing inside, why! (I'm sorry but I have no one but this board right now which no offense- isn't a good thing) I need friends who all are either mutual or her side of the family since I barely have any. I'm so sad. So so so sad
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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 08:04 AM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

I don't know why you haven't left her yet. She left you already. But OK. One more chance.

Catch her by surprise and tell her you need to use her phone. Simple. WHEN she refuses, ask her to log onto her Facebook account for you. WHEN she reuses, you immediately go into your 180.

She's gone. She's not coming back. Either prepare yourself for it now of torture yourself for a while first, THEN deal with it.

Does this happen as much as I fear or is it just the concentration of this on this site that has jaded me?

What % of wives walk away from their marriages? Why don;t we talk about this in polite company? Infidelity? We ALL know about that. But we are still SHOCKED that out wives leave emotionally but stay in the marriage.

Yes, she's cheating with that guy. PHYSICALLY cheating. Read up on trickle truth. If she admitted to the emotional affair THAT QUICKLY, there is more. Guarantee.

You're 31? I envy you. I was 50 when I realized my wife had left DECADES prior. You can start over. I can't. You are a god to me.
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 12:16 PM Thread Starter
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@MrK - Thanks for your reply, its motivating. I think my problem is im not financially secure, and especially emotionally secure. I literally started my own business months ago, and do not make enough money to support myself and kids right now. This means she will surely get my precious little girls. To preface again, i was a asst. plant manager for a Fortune 500 flour company, made a respectable income, but had dreams and aspirations of starting my mobile app and web development company. My wifes ****tail server job allowed her to accrue $300 plus a night in tips, walking around in a little black uniform dress while being oogled by drunk people in the casino. This money doesnt have to be taxed as they also get a minimum wage, and pay a tip compliance to the feds with that. So all that cash is bank to her. However the odd hours make it hard for her to sleep, hence her beating me up that she can handle the daily finances while i get my company together so quit quit quit. She continuously advised me to do this, until it became a requirement by her standards. With my paranoia starting to evolve over how i seen her changing physically and mentally, i took FMLA and Short Term Dis. for mental health (which i needed depressant treatment because i was losing it) what she doesn't know is i actually still have my old job. So i'm getting back to that job, taking MY car and hopefully crashing on my brothers couch, then when i build some money back up, i believe i'm going to expose her shadiness to her employer, and shut down her ****y little job at that place. She's very close to losing it there as it is, and being vindictive i think its only fair after the tragedy and foolishness she caused in my life that i return the same favor. She is just getting colder by the minute, and hurting me more and more and more and more. im scared for my children. You know i was outside having a cigarette on my iPad and she had our 4 year old come outside and say "mommy, daddy said your useless and she wants it just to be me "other daughters name" and mommy and that we dont need you. And on the car rise back from nursery school today my 4 year old out of nowhere says "mommy, why wont you let daddy live with us anymore?" My wife wont even trade a conversation with me other than acting like im a sappy a-hole and everything i say annoys her. This same woman five days ago was making love to me, sharing jokes and being sweet. She tells me "oh go ahead think its another guy go ahead, your so f*cking stupid, you think you have it all figured out" she really tries to imply that she wants to be alone, and doesnt have anything going on. I personally cant see a woman leaving a man that does EVERYTHING he can to kiss her a$$, takes the MAJORITY care of the children ust to be alone? I deserve better i know i do, i just dont want to be this statistc, we SWORE we would always work it out, even before we got married. I just dont get why i cant accept this fully, i go one minute to hating her guts, to wishing and praying to god its all a dream. this kind of pain is unreal, rejection is worse than any drug i swear it. Why do nice guys finish last?? Do these girls really want me to be on drugs mooching off them, cheating on them, and beating them up? Do i need to change my ways and be more assertive that way? What is wrong with me!!!??
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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 12:54 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

She is cheating right in front of you & it is making you crazier by the minute. Please, please for the sake of your young children, get yourself some face time in counseling to get control of your emotions.
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 01:05 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

you don't need counseling. You need to leave.
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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 08:45 PM
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Re: my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story

It's easy for us to tell this man what to do. To tell him to "man up" and "take the red pill" (whatever the hell that means). Reading stuff like this makes most of us furious and we wish we could have a few chosen words with this guy's wife. Maybe we are going through something similar and want to lash out. Telling someone to "just leave" doesn't make sense anymore. With the way jobs are and family financial situations, where are you gonna go?

Forget about the love, history, promises, vows, and emotions for a moment. Most people cannot leave due to finances and no where to go. It is getting to THAT point that is important.

It's time for you to think of yourself my friend. Start getting an escape route together. Get some funds and put them somewhere. Try with all of your might to separate yourself EMOTIONALLY from this woman. The way she is behaving and the way she is treating you is awful. It almost sounds like she gets some sick satisfaction out of hurting you. You gotta pull away from her NOW for your own sanity. Chances are, that if you pull away and she notices, she will start trying to be all lovey with you again only to reject you again and again.

At the bottom of my signature line is a link to the 180. It is just some steps to take to emotionally detach from your spouse for your own sanity only. NOT to manipulate her, it has nothing to do with her. This is about YOU.

I know you are in pain, but you are not alone. Please try to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Baby steps, no pressure. No judgment.

As I was going up the stair . . . I saw a man who wasn't there . . . he wasn't there again today . . . I wish he would go away
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