my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story
Hello to all, and congrats on what appears to be a great source for people like me, and I'm hoping by spilling my guts, I can start the process to live again.
I'm 31, and married with two children, my girls (one biological- 15months) and one step daughter I've raised since about the same age of my biological daughter, whom I treat and love as my own.
My wife (hmm we'll call her "Eva") and I have known each other for 11 years, been together about 5 officially and married for 1 year 9mos. Just a brief back history (I need help which u will read about, so forgive and correct me if I'm too bold) but it may be a clue.. I was her first lover at 17 years old (sexual) when I was 21, Eva is now 27. Back then I was into the party life, and this girl had obsessed and loved me back then. I was to blind in those days and we had merely a hook up type of relationship which hurt her. I was young and completely wrong, and owe up to, and regret it, so please don't flame me. Fast forward to our real relationship, we both had been in longer relationships after, mine was very normal, hers was doing drugs, and ended up with our beautiful daughter, that father was a deadbeat and continued drugs and left her destitute with a baby, and that's whenneva came to call on me,mas we still remanded friends the whole time. I have been in two 4plus year serious relationships, and each have ended with me haing my heart broken by each girl, each time devastating me. I am a romantic, I believe in love so much and never had closure from any of these previous relationships... The last of which ended an engagement, only to find her with my best friend, guess what. They are now engaged.
Fast forward again to Eva, we had both had crippling blows in life and relationships, grown a lot, and started dating. Seeing her little girl and being a pseudo family changed my life, I wanted to be her daddy, love and protect her the best I could. So many positives came, along with my net daughter, planned btw, and our marriage, my best friend. We agreed we were mature and promised that we learned Life, and live happily ever after. Great things happened then otherwise, she has a good job as a server at a casino, making great money, and I was doing well, really well, and started my own business. My wife's work is demanding, she works at night till 3am so we really didn't get a lotmofntimeneith me working during the days, but found it healthy as we loved our precious time together.
She started losing the baby weight, brilliant waxes, blonde hair dye, and started to look even more amazing. As this stuff started going on, I noticed that the normal I love u texts and the attention I received went away, like night and day. And stated to become paranoid, but at the same time I was being nagged to quit my day job to work solely on my business. Literally nagged as she couldn't take the lack of sleep for her job, which in Eva's fairness she was really exhausted due to being up with the kids after two hours sleep till ifame home,she'd sleep for another hour or so then back to work. So I humored her,she was my heroine, imhadnsupportto start a business, and it would help her so great!
But all the while the coldness was growing with her towards me, I couldn't shake something wasn't right. That's when i personally investigated infidelity. Her iPhone all of a sudden had a password lock and the ringer off (reading here I know the red flags). Eventually she blamed me, I'm crazy, and it sickens her, and it's locked because I am mess with her space. I love this girl so much folks, so much, that I oblige and stop it after she out of nowhere (3days after finally quitting my real jobs) and once to take "space".
I've been dumped, but not like this, we just had a beautiful baby girl a little over a year ago, I am a father to a child I didnt conceive and loved Eva with all my soul. She would go to work with her rings off, and I just figured she was going through stress beingnthenfinancial backbone during my startup,timeof my company. I was going to never give up on the mother off my children, we are a family that clicked. A month goes by, I gave her a new ring and we seemed to be Doing so much better. (I want to add we have a beautiful new home). Then one day I catch her iphone unlocked from a session she was on as she fed the baby, that's when my gut dropped.
She had been having work issues and money wasn't the same, she had comes home the previous night, crying to me on my shoulder in my office as I consoled her with love. Well the text I see was to a man five years older than me, and all I could read without becoming frantic, so sad and just couldn't read anymore of - she was saying, "I'm so lucky to have u in my life". Him- me too baby, her- I was you could hold me right owns and tell me everything is going to be alright".
I was so sick and I couldn't talk and confronted her, she pulls some crazy stuff saying, oh liken u don't think I know u have a gf? So far from the truth, obviously her way to justify her behavior. We go out for dinner that night to discuss. Mi advise, now is the time, be honest, do u have plans with him (also a married man ..don't know if I mentioned above us my wife works a night with this man). She said nothing sexual or anything has happened, though she was curious and admits this emotional affair, but just more as a friend going through the Same affliction with his wife ). She doesn't want me to mention it, as he will lose his kid with his wife now. I compromise and tell her I love her, the cats out, I want this to stop, and I will give her the chance for me to overlook, ON HER CALL). She wanted to choose our marriage and makemitmwork.
Things get good again until 3 days ago,mother coldness happens again, no texts on her break, no affection. Comes to bed in middle of night after work and even my cuddle hug to sleep/rejected.
Mind you this whole time after the first incident, I would rub her back/ feet 45 mins a day, let her sleep 10-12 hours a day, and take care of the kids myself. She spent her awake time playing games outside on phone, smoking, and really just no interaction with our kids. I cook, clean, bathe change diapers, full time, and run myself into the ground at night to work on my business. But there was a definite exposé of her not respecting me, I'd never get a back rub, even for a min, would initiate my kisses good bye, and any love in general, she just stayed distant, but displayed even just enough to keep me think we are moving forward. Now financesare rough, my company is app developmentnandnweb/graphic design so money comes in here and there but,hey I just started 3 ,on the ago, but we weren't able to do the fun things and splurge like we used to until, I start making good money. So I get the financial stress and I always remind her thatnthisnis work and one day it will pay off, after all she MADE me quit, I can emphasize this enough.
Today, her first day off of the week, I ask her what's wrong, as she just isn't even talking. It comes out she still is to happy, and tells me I need to get a job and start planning to seperate. My heart is broken, but now I'm not going to sob and show her my pain again, this time is going to killis if you guys can help me.
I've been a doormat and I'm not lying, the rubs everyday, just doing everything family wise like a classic 60s house wife. She lived in luxury, I wild do DO anythingnshenasked. I believe the only thing I ca do islet her go, but folks I can't, I come from a divorced family, and it hurts. I want my wife and kids and want nothing more. The sheerthought of herndaingna screwing aroundnHURzts me so bad. This is my love, I've never hadnthisnfeelng this string ever, I can't cope. We do not haventheresources to split, I have a brand new car, his is fournyearsnold and just blew up, rightmpastnthenwarranty. We don't own two of everything to split and cant do ity yyetr. She needs my car to go to work, And I need her mney support, we are really codependent, and just can't split away even if we wanted to, no relatives that we can even crash with right now as we havenyoungmkids and ugh impossible. So we have to room together in the house and still sleep I. OurnVERy expensive king bed.
My questions though is, whyndomimjustntwomdays at get a love song of ourmsentnoverbtext from the radio from her and then three days later this, do I wait this out, is shencheatingnand has been? How doi coexist with this till I can support myself again. I'll get more detailed as I'm hiding with an iPad right ow, hence the awful grammar and scattered thoughts. But I WANT MY WIFE, I love her, I would die for her. For my kids, I want us all together,money are too young. Please talk to me and help me through this, I'm so helpless, scared and hurt andim crying again now, as she's just so cold to my feelings.