General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of text
ok so i dont even know how to start this but here it goes. my dad died when i was 2 so i never knew him. my mom has had 2 boyfriends before but never any with kids. his dad & my mom were together for about 2 before they got married ( lasted only 6 months ). ok so after our parents 1st got together i was 14 & he was 20 so it was awkward for us both he had his own place so he never lived with us or anything but he would hang out with his dad alot because they were trying to get their relationship back on track ( long story here lets just say he made some bad decisions growing up). so at 1st we barely spoke at all eventually id ask for a ride to school or to the mall & we just got closer & closer as time went on. it just seemed like he was more of a friend than family really. i always found it easy to talk to him especially about stuff i couldnt tell my mom about & much to my suprise he actually gave good advice about things seeing as how he knew from experience & didnt want me to make the same mistakes. in all honesty i think this is when it started ( towards the end of 9th grade) i just couldnt stop thinking about him. he was always incredibly sexy with a great body & he was a , bad boy , as people refer to it. iv seen how guys like that treat girls & i hate it yet he was different.... i just couldnt get him out of my mind. i thought it was a crush or just infatuation at 1st but no. months passed & all i could think about was him. id say about the middle of my sophomore year is when i seen him with a girl. now i knew he was a ,player, but i had never seen him with a girl that wasn't his friend before. just seeing them hanging out felt like my heart dropped into my stomach & i could barely breath. i cried for 3 days straight & never left my room. of course he tryd to talk to me but what could i tell him? ithe person i could tell anything to caused this without even knowing. my mom eventually talked some of it out of me but not the whole truth. made me feel better for the time being that was until they announced the engagement. knowing the way i felt & thinking of him being my brother made me feel sick & knowing that i couldnt stop feeling this way made me feel even sicker. knowing that he was out hooking up with women while i was stuck being his sister made me almost hate him for what he was putting me through. & the way i felt betrayed by my mom for causing it. up until now i was always pretty happy cheerful sarcastic etc etc just happy little preppy girl never had a problem in my life. after they got married i changed. i grew distant from my mom & him & i was never particularly close to his dad & all i had were a few friends from school ( 2 real friends in hindsight ) . i even got asked out by an old crush of mine that happened to be extremely popular & on the football team which was actually a big deal considering i was popular i just wasnt , go out with popular , because i wouldn't hook up or anything. hell the date we went on was the 1st time iv ever even kissed a guy! i felt absolutely nothing from it but awkwardness when he tried to stick his tongue in. i pushed him away as if i was doing something wrong & my , brother , would be upset about. the guy in front of me was cute, popular, sweet, & probably 50 other great things but i didnt care because all i could think about was him. well i broke it off with mr popular aftet that & lost a few friends at school for it to but i didnt care by this point. so some time passes & things settle in. im still bitter & resentful but one day my mom sits me down & tells me theyr getting divorced. later that night there was a huge argument. he came by a little while after & i was scared i wouldn't see him again. he reassred me i would & i hugged him for what had to be an hour at least lol it was like a weight was lifted from my body. my mom has always liked him & is well aware how he used to be but she loved him nonetheless & i think then she knew i did to. his dad was mad that he stayed close to us & turned an already rocky relationship into nothing. things were getting back to normal & even going well until the 3rd day of junior year. my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. this absolutely devastated me & tore my world apart. by the time they caught it it was to late to treat it to remission. the next 8 months i wont go into as its nothing but misery. well towards the end my mom asked if would rather live with him instead of my aunt ( she is a terrible despicable person that would take to long to explain ). of course i agreed & she asked if i loved him. i told her everything & she already knew. well il be brief here as its painful to talk about. my mom passed away several months ago & i ha to stay with my aunt for a month as she was disputing my mothers decision & my inheritance. he went to court several times to allow me to live with him & my inheritance is mine. i don't know all the specifics of the court rulings & the hows & whys i just know it ended with him having custody of me until im 18 (( in december ) . he said i can stay as long as i want no strings attached. iv been living with him now for about 3 months & things have finally set in as reality. im in my senior year of highschool & hes got a full time job planning on going to a community college. i know it costs alot to have me here & he doesn't even seem to care. i look back at the whole thing with my mom dying & the court like a blur but now i find myself exactly where i want to be...... with a catch. its because of him that im able to smile again its because of him that i even bother to wake up. he saved my life. just imagining us together is all i want. seeing how he is now compared to back then it makes me feel amazing knowing i helped him turn his life around. even his friends joke about us being together by saying im like his wife or something. its to much to take its so bad now i cant even sleep at night sometimes & i find myself just walking by his room & looking in just hoping hell see me. i cant take it anymore. i get anxious just thinking about it like ill do something i cant control. im sorry if this post is a mess & to long & im sorry if this is the wrong forum for this but i desperately need help. iol wow got kinda crazy towards the end here . any advice is welcome. if you want more details just ask
Naw, I'm pretty sure her mother and husband (step father) got divorced after a 6 month marriage. Then her mother passed away. She's in love with her deceased moms ex husbands son, who has his own place, and with whom she is currently living with, but he's dating some one else. That's my take. Make sense?
OP, so what's the deal with this man you're in love with? Is he dating some one else? Have you told him you're in love with him? What's the hang up? He's no longer your step brother so I don't think you should worry about that.
FWIW, I'm very sorry about the loss of your mother to cancer. You must be in a very vulnerable state right now. For what its worth, I lost my mother to cancer when I was six and I just lost my father last year to cancer as well so I can certainly empathize. Take your time and allow yourself to grieve.
Re: in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of te
I don't know..... I'm thinking this guy just sees you as his little-not-really-sister and has taken you under his wing. You were 14 when he met you and even though you are older now he may just still see you as that 14 year old girl. You have been through quite a bit and you are very vulnerable. And it is not uncommon for someone in their teens to gravitate toward someone who has taken care of them. We see it all the time when it comes to students/teachers, patients/doctors, etc. In a way this man has become your knight in shining armor and that is a powerful force when it comes to falling for someone. Unfortanately, that doesn't always mean the feelings are recipocated.
Re: in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of te
ok the 1st post was late wreck ill admit lol. allow me to clarify what i said. my mom & his dad got divorced so we aren't legally related anymore. he has never been married & has never had a serious girlfriend & he is currently single. @VISERAL yeah you got it right mostly. i have told him i love him but i never told him exactly how i meant it lol. just after all we have been through if i just suddenly told him & he doesn't feel the same i don't know what i would do. & i am so sorry to hear that about your father. great advice by the way @IRISHGIRLVA im actually worried about him seeing me as just some kid or just a sister to. i was in love with him long before he did any of this for me though. just now its worse lol. so i guess my question is do yo you think i should even bother trying to act on these feelings?
Hmmm, is it wrong for me to suggest to a teenage girl how to handle this situation?
One thing to remember, men have always ruled the world, but women have always ruled men. Why don't you use some of your girl power to lure this guy in? Perhaps a low cut dress or a high cut skirt? Definitely noticeable yet subtle. That way you can deny your little scheme if necessary. Perhaps a well timed meal when he comes home from work? Or a little combo of the two. There are multiple ways to a mans heart.
Master the art of your femininity and this guy will be like putty in your hands. If he's a true red blooded man he's not going to be able to resist the honey trap you set for him. Test the waters. You'll know soon enough where this guy stands.
Re: in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of te
Look... if you're only 17 (OK, almost 18), this is probably you're first crush/love. You can tell him if you want but I'm sure he sees you more like a sister than a girlfriend and you have to prepare yourself for that.
There are plenty of guys out there... give it time.
Re: in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of te
lmfao no i was never on dr phil ( omg is this really that bad? lol ). @VISERAL well i know he looks when i wear stuff especially when its just us & im wearing just shorts & a tank lol. i actually cook for him alot & he loves it. he always compliments me saying i look beautiful so i know he sees the way i kind of show myself to him.we even kinda flirt sometimes but. in my personal opinion i think he is attracted to me but that may just be my wishful thinking lol. i don't want to just seduce him ( well i do lol ) i want to be with him after to you know?
Ok, you're one step ahead of me. So, you've already put the bait in the water and you know he's circling and trying to decide if he wants to take a bite. What you need to do next is make him feel safe. You're young and he 1) probably thinks you're jail bait, 2) may feel a little uneasy about the fact that you're his ex step sister, and 3) if he's a good guy, may not want to take advantage of you after witnessing you lose your mother.
He may be worried that if he pursues you that he'll either end up in jail or you'll reject him and call him a freak for hitting on his sister. Try to drop a few hints about you turning 18 and will technically be an adult soon, and about how you don't think of him as your brother.
A few words of caution: work on building your own self awareness and understand that you're in a very vulnerable place right now. Don't look to him to rescue you, look to him to complement you.
Also, resist sleeping with him for as long as possible. In the dating game, eggs are valuable and sperm is cheap. If you give it away too soon he'll think you're cheap. Hook him with your femininity, then make him work for it. This may be difficult since you're so in love and he's older and more experienced than you. But there is nothing more powerful than a woman who knows how to handle herself.
Also, don't be too needy and don't always try to make him happy. Mix it up a little. Remember, desperation is the kiss of death.
29Likes
in love with my (ex) step brother hes 23 im 17 ( extremely long post & wall of text 
. any advice is welcome. if you want more details just ask
@IRISHGIRLVA im actually worried about him seeing me as just some kid or just a sister to. i was in love with him long before he did any of this for me though. just now its worse lol. so i guess my question is do yo you think i should even bother trying to act on these feelings?
