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Old 05-19-2009, 08:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I have been married for 10 years to a navy man and we have 2 kids. I am a housewife. I guess I am frustrated because he never tells me how he feels about things or what he wants. HE holds it in and keeps me guessing. I don't know if he does this intentionally or what. Like last night I got mad because he didn't want to do something sexually to me, and that was alright, but he couldn't actually tell me or say, honey, i don't want to do that right now, or something like that. Anyways, that is not one of the major points. We were talking a couple days ago and it turned into an argument. I said"honey, I might be depressed for a little while" so I asked him if he could support me and be copassionate. HE got mad and didn't want to deal with it. I have been depressed for a while now, don't know if it is due to my marriage. I was diagnosed Bipolar and have a doctor. I am fine today and yesterday I was. Also, he was upset because the guys have gone out to the fights, and he didn't bother telling me about it because "he just doesn't do that." Meaning that we have been doing this for 10 years...us stay home as a family and do our own little thing. I have always encouraged him to go out with his friends, but he won't. Don't know if it is because he will feel guilty for leaving me with the kids at home. He wants me to have a girls night out and stuff, but there isn't anyone I can go out with. He can go, and I asked him to promise that next time there is a fight to tell me so that he can go. Sorry about the nagging, but I am just sick and tired of guess what he wants. I need the communication skills it takes for this marriage, and maybe teach it to my husband. I will probably write more later. Thanks.
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Old 05-19-2009, 11:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by tforty185 View Post
We were talking a couple days ago and it turned into an argument. I said"honey, I might be depressed for a little while" so I asked him if he could support me and be copassionate. HE got mad and didn't want to deal with it.
You're H got mad because he doenst feel like he has a real choice in answering that question. If he says 'no' then you get upset. He loves you so he doesnt want to upset you, but at the same time its not something he's comfortable doing. so he feels trapped- hence the anger. you have every right to ask him to help you, but if you really loved him, you would allow him the option to say that he cant without punishing him by getting angry.

I only say that because my H and I go through this, too. My H is exactly like yours. He often doesnt talk to me because i am so emotional. at first i was angry at him because i thought he was just cut off from me, but then i realized that my actions were pushing him away.

You two are codependent, IMO. I think it would really help you to do boundary books and workbooks together. Dr.Phil has one called relationship rescue and there's the one that my h and i do together called boundaries in marriage by dr. cloud and townsend. that one is really religious based, though, so if you arent religious you will want to go with Dr. Phil.

You can do it on your own if your H doesnt want to do it with you. I started doing boundaries on my own. it has turned my relationship, and my own quality of life, around 180 degrees.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi! Thank you for your reply. It did help a lot! I think I was pushing him away. We sought marriage counceling that we went to last night and it has helped so much! I am happy now, and so is he because we are communicating better now that we got our feelings out and some suggestions from the therapist. Hopefully we can save some money to do some of the fun things that were suggested or just spend time together doing things together like giving the kids a bath or doing laundry together like I seen in the other posts. Marriage is a comlicated thing and it does take work on both our parts. I know we can make this marriage work now, and going to that counceling session really did liven up some sparks!
Annie
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thats awesome im glad things turned around so quickly for you
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Old 05-22-2009, 12:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah, thanks! But I still have issues with myself, and hopefully that will turn around too...
Annie
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