Don't love my wife anymore and feel "done"
Been married for 15 years, have three kids who are 15, 13 and 11. We got married pretty quickly as you can see from the data above. When I met my wife, I fell in love with her. We shared the same interests, the sex was amazing, the connection was real. We met in September, married in January, and had our first child that June. It was really quick!
So our first child is born, which was the most amazing day of my life and we were happy.Very broke, but really happy and home, really felt like home. New wife, new baby, what more could a man want? Well months go by and sex stops. I figured with having a child, she needed to heal and probably wasn't in the mood as she put on the usual baby weight. Well more months go by and still no sex. It started to become an issue. She kept on telling me that I married her only because I got her pregnant. Ok I admit, it sped the process up, but I really was in love with her. I worshipped the ground she walked on! Months turn into years, we do end up having two more children but I am still being beat up with, "You married me because of our first child."
I thought I would show her that I really love her, not just tell her, but really SHOW her. I would do little things, notes, little mini-vacations, just her and I to show her that I wanted to be with her and enjoyed her company. The conversations were solely about the kids. I tried to make it about us, but it always turned into a planning session of all the stuff we have to do with the kids for the coming week.
Sex was a problem now. When we were dating, she was almost insatiable and she turned into the polar opposite! Well, I turned to porn to satiate myself but not to the point where that's all I did all day long. I did not want to cheat on her and totally mess up my marriage and put all that in jeopardy. After all, I was in my late 20's to 30's and still had a high sex drive.
After our last child was born, I got a vasectomy as I knew we didn't want to have anymore children. This is really as an aside story only to demonstrate a point, because they needed a sample to make sure there were no "swimmers" left. I had a really hard time with providing one and asked my wife if she could "help me out". She told me that was disgusting and I had to fend for myself. She also told me she would be ok with not having sex for the rest of her life. Remember, this is on top of being told I married her only because of our first child.
Fast forward about 13 years into the marriage. We have a couple of drinks one night and I discover she had quite the active sex life in college. Now, I don't care what people do in their pasts especially being young and maybe even "dumb". But here's the kicker, she told me she did those things because she had been date raped (which I knew about a long time ago, so no surprise there) and just "didn't care anymore". So, after years of this battle with her, a huge question popped into my head. Why couldn't she do things with me, once in a while, that maybe she really didn't want to do? After all, I am her husband and not a "frat brother". I mean she had threesomes, did certain things to the frat brothers, all that sort of stuff but wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole? I was just totally bewildered and angered by this.
So in about year 14, I just had enough. I felt, after 14 years of rejection, all the sexual problems, her doing things with others before me but not doing things for me, I just felt extremely rejected. For me, I felt if I had become incapacitated in that regard, and she still had desire, I would do things for her as my wife. There were also some bad financial decisions she made but didn't really want to get into all that right now.
I am now at the point where I am just not in love with her anymore and I don't even really find her all that attractive now. I don't hate her either as we can still have good conversations, but it's not "us conversations", it's more about say politics, or current events or news of how our friends and family are doing. The last year and a half has been filled with huge fights, resentment and turmoil. We've become great roommates, but that's not what marriage is all about. I just feel dead inside, frustrated, trapped, rejected and not knowing what to do really. I am seriously thinking about leaving her, she can't be happy either. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks for reading!