I'm Tired is a Understatement

posman · 12-30-2007, 11:53 PM

My wife and I have been together for 28 years. For the last 20 to 21 years I have dealt with her supposedly anxiety disorder costing us financially big time. We had 4 children together all grown now and I have a job that to me is a dream job being I'm able to finally travel and when I leave I usually gone anywhere from a month to maybe 3 - 6 months in different parts of the country. As of right now I only been home 3 days in the past 6 months. Well my thing is that my job allows for your spouse to go with you. They in a way feel it makes you a more well rounded employee if your partner is with you on these assignments. Well in the last 6 months 3 were spent in Chicago and now I'm in California and have been here over 2 months. In Chicago I flew her up there and she hadn't been there 4 days and started having her anxiety disorder and I had to fly her back then as soon as she gets on the plane and gets home she's cured being she just runs to her Mother's. Same think when I came to California. I had to drive her she came along and I was telling her that when I was finished we'd take a well deserved vacation, well after 3 week anxiety again. By the time we reach Salt Lake City to change planes she acting ok. Get home I stay for 3 days catch my flight back and before I get to Atlanta to change planes she's back at her mother's. I have dealt with this kind of stuff for 20+ years. The only child that I have that doesn't have stability problems is my eldest from my 1st marriage. In the early years I had a couple of affairs because her being with her Mother was more important than being home with me and here I am now gone 6 months and have been alone over 90% of it. Our daughters, the eldest being 27 tells me, "Dad, I just don't understand Mom. I know you get lonely and you do everything you can. I'm sure there maybe you can meet someone if you'd just go out some instead of sitting in that hotel. All it seems is Mom wants to do is be with Maw Maw." You see, I'm 52 yo, and still attractive and have women come on to me still at times. And also my wife, I spent the money to get her dentures being she had a gum disease. Well, she has done turned me off so bad being if I take her out to a nice restaurant , the 1st thing she does is take her teeth out and that's the uppers, she has refused to wear the lowers since she got them. I haven't kissed a woman in forever. I guess what I'm asking is the problem me? Her family says it is and that I'm being selfish and my daughters say no Dad your not. Now my daughters mind you are lookers! I told my wife that in my opinion the problem is with her and her mother. My wife is the only one that has had only one husband. Her mother was married twice. Her Dad (God Rest His Soul!) left her when he was about the same age I am know and remarried. And her sister just finished up with her 2nd and now is looking for number 3. I would just like someone else's take on this. This is just a kinda brief overview. I could gone on for days and you just wouldn't believe some of the things I've dealt with. Sorry it's so long but I'd appreciate anyone's input. It would have to be from a outsider being I don't know anyone here. Thanks.

draconis · 12-31-2007, 03:06 PM

Their is no doubt for me about two things. Your wife needs help because she is co-dependant and can't stand to be away from her mother. You are overly critical and harsh to blame her for everything that is wrong.

That said, I think you'd be better off alone or with someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Most people would find it hard to not have a stable home.

I wish you the best and hope you keep us up to date.

draconis

debrajean · 01-01-2008, 06:46 PM

Of course there's always two sides to every story. We're hearing your side...what's hers? In her words.

draconis · 01-01-2008, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by debrajean

Of course there's always two sides to every story. We're hearing your side...what's hers? In her words.

There isn't a single person or story on here that isn't from just one point of view and as far as I know there is one "couple" on the forums. To ask anyone to do differently you must ask everyone.

The bigger part is to help with the point of view he has.

draconis

tater03 · 01-03-2008, 01:22 PM

I would agree that you are being a tad to harsh also. Within your post you make excuses for your affairs which is not right. I do feel that you have legitmate reasons to be unhappy but you need to decide what you want out of life and if it is someone else then you need to end this relationship. Also has she been seen for this anxiety disorder? What you are describing is a common symptom of anxiety and there are things that a dr could help her with on this problem. Also this traveling job which sounds nice and I am glad you got your dream job but have you stopped to think that this might not be her dream? Good luck to you. I hope you get through this and get what you need and want out of a relationship. Whether it be this one or another one.

kajira · 01-04-2008, 07:19 AM

Posman,

I think you have to do what is right for you. She seems very dependent on her relationship with her mother and not willing to enjoy the time the two of you can have together enjoying the country. 3-4 days to me, does not sound like trying (yet she is fine when she is on the way back to mommy). Take a moment get your affairs in order, listen to your girls and learn to enjoy life.......

3plus3 · 01-06-2008, 07:26 AM

I think you are looking for someone to validate the feelings you are having. If you sat back and honestly re-evaluated your feelings for your wife then maybe it would help a bit. Have you sat down together and talked things out? Are there certain things that trigger her anxiety attacks?

simplyme43920 · 01-08-2008, 11:29 AM

have you ever been to her dr that helps her with her anxietys, maybe he/she can help you find things that would calm her down from these, and your post kind of sounds to me like you are not sure you believe she has this disorder so it would help to calm your doubts.

berlinlife06 · 01-09-2008, 09:14 AM

Her anxiety seems like the reaction for the moments she feels away from her regular suroundings. Maybe she is too attatched to her mother, and needs professional help. But you should also look for yourself. If you can help her, but also make your life too, then you should try to be happy. Separation is a good thing sometimes.