Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »General Relationship Discussion » Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Like Tree11Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-30-2012, 10:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
Default Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

I have been in a long time relationship with my mate over twenty-five years. We have split for two years. He has a female friend who I felt was getting too close to my partner, and when we would see each other she didn't want to speak to me. I asked my partner if something was going on he stated no she was just a friend and a co-worker. I asked him to stop calling/texting her cause he never called or texted when I was home. Due to his illness I was checking his vm and she left a message stating he was ignoring her calls and he needed to call her back. So I texted her and asked her to please stop calling and texting him. Her reply was is he your man??? Are u sure..She went on to point out she was a friend and I better show him what I texted her etc...She then pointed out that before I left and when I came back he was with another women. Sounds like this woman wants my man or she has a friend who wants him. But would a true friend do this???
cdbsanders is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-30-2012, 10:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2,607
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

I'm confused. Are the two of you together, or not?

And some women are trouble making C's. She's one of them.
CandieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 10:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,237
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

1. NO, a TRUE friend to your partner would NOT do this.

2. Do NOT be too quick to believe her stories, she would LOVE to see you two split up. Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't.

3. You are NOT OBLIGATED to show your partner anything JUST BECAUSE SHE SAYS SO; that being said, if YOU demand total transparency from your partner, then YOU should be willing to be totally transparent as well. Show the texts to your partner and then BE QUIET and let him explain.
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 11:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 2,539
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Speaking from a male perspective it's the same deal as a chicken farm, you cannot have two roosters in the same hen house or it always ends badly! And even if it's all innocent you just can't have a friend of the opposite sex taking time away from your spouse, or being a 3rd party and always hanging around and knowing all of your business - never a good idea.
Cee Paul is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 11:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Yes we are together, we split in 2007-2009, we have been okay since 2009, at least I thought so.
cdbsanders is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 12:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2,607
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Well, my husband no longer has opposite sex friends. He had 3 when we first got together, 2 had to be turfed as, I'm sure you can guess, they wanted more than just friendship. The third one is now a friend of both of ours. You have to be careful of other men or women interfering in your relationship.
CandieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 01:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Thanks so much and that's how I felt, since I grew up in the same town as this woman, she isn't a personal friend but we have many of the same friends, she knew when she met him we were a couple. If he has been talking to her as a friend okay but why act like you don't know me when you use to speak all the time. Plus if he had an affair when we were split why is that your business and why point it out to me if you unless you wanted to start trouble...I really haven't discussed this with him cause he's ill, but when I do I feel he needs to tell her in front of me that she crossed the line in their friendship.
cdbsanders is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-30-2012, 07:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,741
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

I had you in mind when i started this thread:

Pointers for the ladies.
costa200 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 12:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 2,539
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

As an example I have a best friend who's been married for 18 years and I've known them both since they first dated 20 years ago, and we are very close and when I was single I hungout with them both quite a bit. Buuuuut - even under that scenario of friendship if I suddenly started wanting to pair off and do stuff with just his wife alone, he would not appreciate that very much and would probably find it a little weird or inappropriate and not allow it I'm sure(and the same would go for my wife and him).
Cee Paul is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 08:39 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Liam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

I think you have every right to be wary of her, and the nature of their relationship. She, on the other hand, has no right to be lecturing you about what he did while you were split.

When your husband is better, you definitely need to discuss this whole situation at length.
Liam is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 08:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,806
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

OP, yes this woman has eyes for your man. Pure and simple. If she was a TRUE friend of his, then she would be interested in making sure his relationship was strong and her response to you would've been much more "Oh I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea, we're just friends, can we meet so we can get to know each other better" etc. etc.

Can your man have a female friend, yes, will she be SUPER tight with him, never without one or both having romantic designs.
__________________
The more posts I read.
The more I love my wife!
Dad&Hubby is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 09:27 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
bfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Somewhere out there...
Posts: 5,174
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

OP, I firmly believe that men and women should not have friends of the opposite sex unless they are "friends of the marriage." You have a right to be concerned and as soon as you feel he is well enough to discuss this you should tackle this issue asap.
bfree is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 10:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
galian84's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 150
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Sounds like she's trying to stir up trouble. Maybe because she wants your husband, or for some other reason.

That said, I don't believe heterosexual men and women can be just friends, especially not one they find attractive. I've seen it over and over where most of my male friends have hit on me or admitted they liked me as more than just a friend. Same thing goes for female friends that my boyfriend has had.
galian84 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 11:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Thank you all for your input on this, in my heart I feel something is wrong, her reaction to my request was defensive, dis-respecting and challenging. So I will ask him once again, what's going on and why would she feel she had the right to get into our personal life, no matter what you have shared with her or how she feels about me to hold the peace she should have said nothing. I will let this go, don't want to put any negative energy in my relationship.
cdbsanders is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2012, 11:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
brokenbythis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 696
Default Re: Men who have female friends while in a long term relationship or marriage

Story of my married life.

Same MO. Texts calls meetings behind my back. But they are just FRIENDS.

I told him no more contact or I'm leaving. He said leave. He choose them over me, his child and a 12 yr marriage.

Good riddance really.
brokenbythis is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
% chance WS and OM will have long term relationship? staystrong Coping with Infidelity 18 11-26-2012 04:52 PM
Long Term Relationship Ambivalence.....help! Mr.Conflicted General Relationship Discussion 9 01-24-2012 03:13 PM
question for those in long term relationship (2yr+) blue23 The Men's Clubhouse 7 07-25-2011 11:53 AM
wanting to end a long term relationship fleur24 General Relationship Discussion 1 06-03-2010 12:58 PM
Jumping from a long-term relationship into a marriage with another man... ruined General Relationship Discussion 6 05-15-2009 02:31 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:31 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.