General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
He's depressed about the state of your relationship.
Your recent talk with him revealed that. He spent the last week completely dejected about your situation. He doesn't like it, and he doesn't know how to fix it either. It sound's like he isn't even sure if he wants to fix it.
I'd bet walking on eggshells is a part of it. He doesn't want to fight any more than you do, but is scared that he's going to do or say something to kick off the next one.
Right now, I'm very much the same way with my wife. It's like a huge storm cloud descends when she's around, and I'm just trying to stay out of the way until it blows past. It's about me and my mood, not her. But that is still how I feel. When she's gone, I'm perky and happy and can laugh and smile with the kids. I think in my case it is mourning over that roommate feeling, and the loss of whatever intimacy we had. I'd desperately like to rekindle something, but she seems happy with how things are, and I'm not sure how to get through to her. So....I hole up in a mood very similar to the one your hubby seems to be in around you.
I wish I had a good answer for how to fix it. I don't. All I can say is I feel for you, and what you are going through.
good idea breathless... I needed a topic for tonight anyway.
Tonights topic: WTF are you acting like a damn zombie around me? CUT IT OUT!
oh wait, not like i want to, like i SHOULD say it... lets see...
Honey, how can I help you to not feel like you are walking on eggshells?
(I don't know)
Are these little nightly talks helping?
(I don't know)
Is it better when we just kind of hang out as friends? Would that help you come out of your shell more?
(I don't know)
I think I'm gonna write "I don't know" on a piece of china
But then again, maybe he'll be real with me tonight and ACTUALLY tell me what he's thinking and feeling. maybe.
"Honey, I see you having fun with the kids, then when you see me it's like a cloud of doom drops on you. I hate seeing you all defeated, and when I seem to be the cause it hurts. I love seeing you cheery and full of life. I'd like to see more of that. Tonight why don't we brainstorm ways to boost your mood around me?"
(if you want me to buggar off snix, just holler. )
Drag him away by one hear to a quiet room.. and tell him. Sit here and friggin talk to me.. I will NOT take any one worded answers.. I NEED INPUT. And we are not leaving this room until you give it to me.
Be stubborn! BE A B*TCH!!! get him to talk.. Then the china
*hands you a perma marker for writing "i don't know" on the china*
Every time he says "i don't know" throw one in his direction... eventually he'll either pee his pants or give a different answer
oh my... down and breathless... two sides of the coin
Tell you what... being the nice person I am (or try to be) I'll try
down's idea first. I know I would love to be approached that way and I know it would work with me. I tend to open up when I feel safe and loved.
Don't you dare bugger off - you are my voice of reason and love right now. Besides, I love your idea
It may work great and we really get somewhere.
Then again, He may go into denial (which pisses me off anyway) with the "what are you talking about? I treat you the same way I treat everybody" routine and try and paint me as nuts or delusional.
If he goes there, out comes the china and breathless' ideas. Don't you go anywhere either breathless, you are my voice of "stop messing with my heart, I love you but I'm not gonna put up with this forever"
I guess it's safe to say marriage is no picnic
and I think most people fall into a rut... alas...the working years.
My hope is when we retire we can grow closer or at least start to do some things together.
We opted for early retirement, not more kids.
A good choice I think, at least for us it is.
Drag him away by one hear to a quiet room.. and tell him. Sit here and friggin talk to me.. I will NOT take any one worded answers.. I NEED INPUT. And we are not leaving this room until you give it to me.
Be stubborn! BE A B*TCH!!! get him to talk.. Then the china
*hands you a perma marker for writing "i don't know" on the china*
Every time he says "i don't know" throw one in his direction... eventually he'll either pee his pants or give a different answer
wow.
thats pretty gestapo, you'd make a good FBI interrigator !
I wouldn't want to ruin my china so I'd maybe go with plastic plates and a sharpie. They're reusable too! Of course that means he could throw it back, too......hmmmm.
Here's one for ya. My kids gave my hubby some army men. He loved them (brought back childhood memories). Hubby made me mad. I took a shoe box and a sharpie and made a prison camp (I drew barbed wired and razor wire even) and stuck them in there.
Hubby saw that and knew he'd done something. It was a great conversation starter too! "Hey! Why are my arm men in prison?"
I'm not terribly conventional though, so I tend to do things a tad different.
If you want to terrorize your husbands, I agree....
there are much better ways than ruining your china. Good china
is porus you know which is why you should not even wrap them in newspaper, so they will not absorb the ink.
You could buy your husband some new underwear, just like his old underwear...
in a few sizes too small............. LOL !!!
be sure to wash them a few times first, so he won't catch on...
then when he pisses you off, replace his underwear with the smaller size.
If that doesn't drive him nuts, I don't know what will.. LOL !
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Life with a zombie 
