Delusional Jealousy in spouse
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Delusional Jealousy in spouse

My spouse has been accusing me of the unthinkable for almost our entire relationship. The last year has been the worse. The things he says crush me. I am by all rights a wonderful wife and mother. I am loyal and affectionate. I seek to please him all the time. I bend over backwards to make him feel loved and respected. Even more so since the diagnosis, All to no avail. Whether it be a bruise or a scratch a "man" smell on my clothes. It can be anything. "What are you typing, what are you reading who are you talking to", that's my life constant questioning. I really have no friends because any conversation is a delusion that I am off having wild sex parties. Man or women either way I am a **** and have to be cheating on him. Why else would he think I was cheating if I really wasn't(his logic). He couldn't possibly be imagining it. Oh he is always apologetic and begging for forgiveness. Says he'll never do it again if I give him one more chance. But I don't think I have it in me anymore. So many years of his rage and accusations. I am so tired tired tired. I walk on egg shells always afraid I will get "caught". Caught doing what I don't know but I am always judging every conversation I have..would he find it inappropriate. I avoid all eye contact even when he isn't around I avert my eyes lest someone gets the wrong idea. I isolate myself to keep him safe but it makes no difference any comment and conversation and bruise or scratch can lead to his accusing me or implying I have been unfaithful. I am as loyal as they come but I am ready to unloyal myself and leave him. I am toasted and want to have a bit of freedom and be able to breath. I can't let him eat me away anymore. How do you get free? I just don't know how and so it goes on and on. I feel pathetic and weak for letting someone treat me like this. I am a SAHM so it isn't s if I can just move out. I am trapped in a relationship of emotional abuse. All I can do at this point is harden my heart and not care what he thinks and let the future take care of it for me.
To anyone that asks "could you have done something to provoke this?" you have no idea how insulting that is. Cheater's don't have to ask why their spouses would think they would cheat. I have never done anything to make him think I was cheating. In fact most of our relationship he would say comments and look at other women to try to make me jealous. I never did those things to him. My waving to a neighbor is enough to make him go crazy and stew and steam until he went off on a rage fit. So please don't ask me if I did anything because I have been loyal and trustworthy my entire life, it is my character through and through. I expect the same standard of him and I believe him to be loyal, just not trusting and what is a relationship without trust?
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

Better question is: why did you marry him knowing he was like this?

Nonetheless: tell him it stops now or you bail from the relationship--that you won't tolerate it a second longer.

He is controlling.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

Easier said then done. It has only become unmanageable in the last year...along with the diagnosis he had an extreme event to say the least. All over me going to get cough syrup at the pharmacy..I was gone 20-30 minutes...but somehow his delusions created this amazing fantasy of my lover and me having a rendezvous. uggg
Plus a little perspective...I have 4 kids and no self income...should I move into the car? Easier said then done.
I have screamed at the top of my lungs that I am done done done...trust me I am a tiger but I am also forgiving and when he is great he is great...I love him like trees love water. So not being a cold hard ***** I forgive forgive forgive. Obviously I am at my wits end and trapped to say the least. I hate being cold and distant. I want to be with him...just not the jealous him.
If I could leave I would have n doubt moved out long ago but like I said I don't have the ability to do that. And no I ma not moving into a shelter because my children don't need that kind of trauma. As far as they are concerned life is full of sunshine.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Better question is: why did you marry him knowing he was like this?

Nonetheless: tell him it stops now or you bail from the relationship--that you won't tolerate it a second longer.

He is controlling.


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Old 10-18-2012, 12:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

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Why didn't I think of that...it's so simple...I'll just pack my bags and move into the nearest hotel with all my gold and silver coins to keep me feed and sheltered.

LOL

If we all were gifted with foresight and endless cash!
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

What has he been dxed. with? Is he still working?
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

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Originally Posted by whywhywhy View Post
Why didn't I think of that...it's so simple...I'll just pack my bags and move into the nearest hotel with all my gold and silver coins to keep me feed and sheltered.

LOL

If we all were gifted with foresight and endless cash!
Do you not have any family, friends? A job? How old are your children?
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

Maybe he is projecting and he is the one that is cheating!

I'd look into it.
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

Uh, yeah, accusing your spouse of cheating is a huge red flag.

And don't say it's impossible to leave. It isn't. I left my ex with a 4 month old, a 2 year old and a 4 year old with nothing but the clothes in our suitcases. I stayed with my brother for a couple of weeks, went on social assistance, got a place, spent a year on welfare till I got a job, then continued with income supplementation till I could get off welfare. You just have to decide to DO it.
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

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Maybe he is projecting and he is the one that is cheating!

I'd look into it.
YEP, this was my thought as well.

If you REALLY want to get out, you will find a way. There is ALWAYS a way. Otherwise you will just give yourself excuse after excuse and keep living the way you are.
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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What has he been dxed. with? Is he still working?
He has delusional disorder...the title says it all. Jealousy is only one of his issues...but the one that effects our relationship.
He does work, he is a good provider. I have all I could want and then some from a materialistic sense.
I don't have family to turn to.
No, I don't think he has ever cheated not in the least. He is very loyal but very insecure. Him cheating is not even an issue as far as I am concerned. Not that I haven't thought about it, but really it is laughable. He is too serious and busy and not at all flirty, looky but not flirty and I realized that the only reason he gawks is to see if I care. He wants me to be jealous. I swear he thinks that is how you show love.
It is crazy messed up and he swears he will move out several times to give me peace...he moved out once for a day...lol He just has a hard time letting go of what he "loves". I have a hard time being angry and mean for very long. I need a ref. ahh the webs. I have managed to ignore his calls and texts today, but it makes me feel guilty and sad and jerkish.
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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He is too serious and busy and not at all flirty, looky but not flirty
Sounds just like my husband. You can read about what he was doing thru the link in my sig if you care to.

So, if you're not willing to leave him, what ARE you willing to do?
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

If you don't want to go to a homeless shelter, then get a job, become financially independent & move out.

Do your children hear him verbally & emotionally abuse you?
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Old 10-18-2012, 03:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Delusional Jealousy in spouse

What delusional disorder? Have you read all about what he has been diagnosed with? Is it treatable? Is he able to "just stop" like others are suggesting, given this disorder? These are important questions. If he is mentally ill, you can't deal with this like he can just turn it off like a switch.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Sounds just like my husband. You can read about what he was doing thru the link in my sig if you care to.

So, if you're not willing to leave him, what ARE you willing to do?
So not even close...we have a great sex life...porn not an issue we both occasionally check it out together. He is not a chat kind of person and is way to paranoid to click on all those sites in fear of infecting our computer. Other then his jealous rage he is great


The actual term is called Delusional Disorder. Google it. He has Jealousy Type and a few others that are irrelevant to the conversation. No there is no cure. It is a lifetime affliction his father has it and he never knew until he himself lost it and I called them and then of course all the family secrets come out. He tends to like to bring on the drama in the wee hours...so know the kids aren't bothered. We have a big house and they don't know what is going on.
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