PRABQ

So my ex girlfriend and I went out for about 4 months and she broke up with me about a month ago which was quite hard for me to take. We both were having some issues in the relationship but I was thinking they could be resolved. I just found out yesterday that she's 3 months pregnant and does want me involved in the child's life (which is great) but she does not want to get back together but would like to be friends. I still wanted to get back together the first month of the breakup, and when I found out the news of the pregnancy it made me even more saddened as I feel I've lost 2 people now. How can I see her over the next 6 months and not have even more feelings for her now.

She's approaching this as a single mom having a kid which is troubling me dearly to the point of I'm not sure what to do other than respecting her decision. I so want to be a part of the process, going to the doctor, lamas classes etc, but I'm not so sure that's going to happen. It's killing me to say the least and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I can put aside my feelings for her and simply be her friend during this process but I feel I'm obviously more than that. When she told me the news we had not spoken or seen each other for over 3 weeks and I can understand how awkward it is to immediately start hanging out again as friends, but it's certainly what I want to do. I never envisioned this scenario and I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that I will not be around the child 24/7 especially the first 6 months. Obviously considering the divorce rates my worse case scenario was having a child with someone then divorcing several years later which would at least have given me the opportunity to around for the formative years. I'm quite troubled and could use some advice. I will respect her decision and be her friend, but damn, I so want to be around as much as possible and experience this process as well. I guess I'm thinking just because she's the one that is pregnant does not mean I am not going through emotions and all of it as well. Any help appreciated....

euphoria

Women are so emotional in pregnancy. Are you sure that isn't what is causing all of this? Maybe if you take it slow as friends, but be around her as much as you can...she will see that she is still in love with you

PRABQ

It certainly is a thought that at the time we did breakup she was roughly 2 months pregnant and I'm sure starting to go through a lot of the emotional cycles. But she seems very adamant at the moment. To the point at least that she can't deal with the idea of getting back together with me and preparing to have the child.

Rhea

Give it some time, be there for her as much as she'll let you. You sound very excited about this child and very much willing to participate (kudos to you!) especially after only 4 months of being together. Anyway like I said be there as much as she'll let you and see where it goes from there...we women are very much a roller coaster of emotions during pregnancy so take it nice and easy but don't let her steam roll ya.

Your in our thoughts. This site is filled w/wonderful people vent, rant, cry, and talk to us we're all here for ya

preso

all I can say is one thing....

GET DNA testing and don't take her word on it your the father.
Thats FIRST !

after that, when the results are in, you should make plans but not until then. She could lose the baby, she could be preg by another man, she could marry someone else before she has the baby, as SHE IS YOUR EX, so you have to approach it for what it is.

Not to mention severe hormonal swings.... ugh....
you need to keep your head on straight and remember she's an EX.
Your being nice to her now will not save you from the 18 years child support, in fact, should DNA prove your the father...
and you try to help her during her preg...
it could make it even worse for you.

More so when your not even sure its yours. Your making a mistake to want to be around her as your broke up
and due to hormones and stress, your going to make the wrong choices.

PRABQ

Yeah I also understand how hard and stressful it may be for her to be tethered for life with someone she doesn't want to get back with romantically and someone she only went out with a little over 4 months. I am not going to force my feelings for her at this point, period. I want to be involved in the process for the next 6 months as much as she'll allow me to be. I have to respect her decisions and I really should remember she is my ex regardless of my feelings and go on with my life. Easier said than done. Maybe I'm too much a romantic with ulterior motives -- I'll be solely her friend for the next 6 months, be there in anyway she'll allow me to be, and try and show her how I'm not the same guy she broke up with and maybe, just maybe she'll she me differently down the road or after the child's born and want to get back together. Not healthy really.

Rhea

I totally agree w/not "forcing" any feelings on her, that was not my intention I hope it didn't come off that way. I just meant support her and be around as much as YOU are comfortable w/and as much as SHE is comfortable with. Let what's going to happen happen, you've got a 50/50 shot just as most of the rest of us do here. People change all the time, their feelings emotions etc. You never know how you or her will feel 6 months from now. I wish you luck

Rhea

PRABQ

Well knowing how I want to be involved in the process she called me Sunday as she needed to get a blood test done and wanted me to take her. We had a pleasant time, I did not bring up me feelings, and I took her grocery shopping as well. I did though on the phone say I'm glad you called as I wanted to talk and she said I don't want to talk in a rather exasberated way. Pleasant of course and not in a angry way. I think that is due to me innundating her with emails and considering the stress she is under the child is her only focus. So thus far all is good. I won't bring up my feelings period around her as obviously she can't deal with them. I think if she can grow to trust me over the next 6 months as a friend without talking about the past anything may be possible.