General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Hello! I am new to this website. However when you are trying to save your marriage you will try just about anything. I have been married for 5 years. My DH is in the military and has been deployed for half of our marriage. We have one beautiful little girl who is my world. However things are just not right with us right now. And to be honest with you all I do not know if it is just us together, me or him. I am not trying to put any blame on anyone but there has to be a reason. We just moved, right before we moved we found out I was pg. Needless to say I lost the baby. Ever since that moment things just went down hill. I know that I am depressed from the loss and I do not know how to handle it, so I started to seek outside help. While I am trying my hardest to get my emotional needs back on track he has just stopped being there for me. I really do try to get his help and I do try to talk to him. But he is one of those guys who just does not show emotion very well. As the weeks went by, there went out sex life. So now its kind of at the stage where I am scared if it will get back to what we use to be... or even better. He recently quit smoking as well and is on Zyban. Ever since that medication went into his system he has either been was snappy or just there with nothing to say. Its odd. I am not use to this either. So my question to anyone out there that has dealt with a loss... does it get better? I am super scared because I love him, but now I just don't even look at him the way I use too. Its even to the point where I know he is on his way home and I get a pit in my belly and get all kinds of nervous. Please help if you have had this experience. If you want to know anything else just let me know. And please if you are not going to help and be rude do not post. I read others where people are very rude. I just want to help my marriage. I don't want it to end. Thanks in advance.
We are mostly friendly folk here, and supportive. Unlike some of the people on other forums (MB!)
I'm so sorry for your loss of your baby. You must be going through alot right now. Have you tried Marriage Fitness? I was thinking about it because the author lost three children and his marriage was on the rocks too.
You might give it a try. Their website has a free email thing they do, I found it helpful.
I have never heard of it, I will check it out. Thank you so much! Anything right now will help. And thank you for the quick response You made me feel comfortable with using this type of website.
There are many sites that deal with grief from loss of baby
which may be the first thing to undertake ( individual issues) rather than more complex relationship issues.
There is also indiv. counseling for that sort of thing ( grief) in just about every city, should the online sites not provide you with what you need.
Best wishes.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 2,473
Re: Trying to save our marriage.
My wife and I suffered through several miscarriages. It does get better with a little time. Many times a pregnancy terminates because the fetus is not viable. It is nature’s way. Be hopeful, take care of your self and try again when you are ready. We were nearly 7 years between our first and second but have two wonderful, healthy and happy children that we love dearly.
As for the snappy behavior I would bet that is from nicotine withdrawal. When I quit smoking I was a royal pain it the ass for a couple of months. It will get easier for him with time. Good luck.
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Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
^^co-sign with the above. I am very sorry for your loss *hug* I've lost an 7 month old infant in 1989 and it was horrible. I found comfort only with time. You are doing the right thing by seeking outside help, perhaps there is a support group in your area that you can attend.
It must be extremely hard to have an emotionally unavailable husband, I am on on a drug similar to Zyban. It took me about 2-3 weeks before I could feel any effects. My husband was a snarky a-hole when he quit. Maybe he should just have a smoke.
Thank you soooo much everyone. It feels good to log in and see that others are there too! I hope that we can get through this... I agree with the nicfit! However that is what the meds were suppose to not do. He has quit before but has not been this bad. I just want to run from him. I also found out he has not been taking the meds the right way either. As for the loss... I know I need to get over it on my own, but does a man ever feel anything when there is a loss like that? As for all of you who suffered a loss I am truly sorry... there is nothing more that hurts. I really want to thank you for the warm welcome You all are great!
When you say he quit before and it hasn't been this bad, he's not taking the meds and ask the question if men ever feel anything, it is a statement filled with answers to your own question.
People (not only men) express loss in different ways, if he's in the military, he may be trained to contain his feelings. I remember being a cadet and getting yelled in my face and fighting back tears, I had to remain emotionless.
My husband is also very unemotional and barely shed a tear at his sister's funeral. I hope you are getting support in your real life. We have a group locally called "Empty Arms." I think there is a world of difference between a real life person that can hug you and give you comfort vs. some strangers online. I find this forum very educational, but I also find the occasional rude comments, but often I think they don't intend to be. Welcome to the site.
Trying to save our marriage.
