My husband and mother hate each other
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  • 4 Post By justanaveragejoe
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband and mother hate each other

My mother is going through a really hard separation from her husband after 30 years of marriage. She went through a foreclosure on top of everything else. My husband and I decided to buy our first house so she can move in with us and not have to worry about making ends meet. We gave her almost the whole upstairs (with the exception of the guest room and office). My husband and I have most of our things downstairs (master down).

My mother moved in four months ago...and it became very obvious very quickly that her and my husband were not going to get along. My mother moved most of her household into ours. She took over the whole back and front yard with her decorations..and took over our garage...we weren't able to put our two cents into any of it...and my mother was trying to control our house as she did with her house. My husband has a type A personality...and decided to take back his house. He would move things around to his liking, etc. Well this upset my mother to a point where she will sit in her room crying all day and all night about him moving things around in the house.

Every morning after my husband goes to work...my mother will come to me with a new complaints about him. When I address these complaints to him...he gets very verbal and aggressive.

I just found out I am pregnant. When I went to tell my mother this news...she wasn't really that happy for me...because she doesn't care much for my husband. I am under a lot of stress. I don't want to lose the baby because of all this stress. I can't please either one of them. My mom has no job so she can't live on her own. She claims that my house is torture to her. I thought I tried everything to keep the peace...and we'll have peace for a brief moment before something new starts. I am at the end of my rope..and am extremely depressed.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

i dont blame him for moving things to his liking, its not your moms house, you need to set strict boundaries and rules for her to follow
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

Your mother needs to know her place. Your husband and yourself took her in out of kindness, she is repaying you with bad mouthing him. Your mom has to go.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

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Your mother needs to know her place. Your husband and yourself took her in out of kindness, she is repaying you with bad mouthing him. Your mom has to go.
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This will not end well. Maybe you could help find her an apartment.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

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My mom has no job so she can't live on her own. She claims that my house is torture to her.
You said your mother is going through a separation. Is her husband going to divorce her? With a marriage of 30 years, she should get a settlement or spousal support from him. What's the deal with that?

Has your mother considered part-time work, even if it's a retail job? I'm assuming her husband gave her no money, she can't get any type of job, and she can't live on her own due to those circumstances.

Yet your house is "torture" for her. End her misery. Tell her to move in with another family member, a friend, or seek financial support from her estranged husband. It's either that, or tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she's living in YOUR HOUSE and she can learn to abide by what you and your husband expect of her - as a guest - or she can make other arrangements.

And quit stressing about her complaining. She took it upon herself to overstep boundaries by taking over your home on her terms. Time to put on your big girl panties and set mom straight.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

Sometimes mothers are toxic (Lord knows mine is). Distance makes a nice buffer. Maybe the baby has come at just the right time to make suggesting your mother find other living arrangements easier (a sibling perhaps? An apartment maybe?). It certainly doesn't sound like continued cohabitation is a good idea.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

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Yet your house is "torture" for her. End her misery. Tell her to move in with another family member, a friend, or seek financial support from her estranged husband. It's either that, or tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she's living in YOUR HOUSE and she can learn to abide by what you and your husband expect of her - as a guest - or she can make other arrangements.

And quit stressing about her complaining. She took it upon herself to overstep boundaries by taking over your home on her terms. Time to put on your big girl panties and set mom straight.


Do this. This problem is easily fixed, it's just a matter of you executing the steps to get it done.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

I agree with the consensus. Your Mother is the problem here, not your husband. In fact, it sounds as if your Mom is a detriment to your health. She needs to either shape up or ship out.

I know this is a tough decision as my wife and I live with my Mom whose constantly butting in where she doesn't belong. The relationship with your Husband should come first and above all else.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

You're allowing your mother to disrespect your husband in his own house? She is a guest in a house that you and your husband own. She wants to be queen bee. Well guess what, if she wants to be queen bee than she needs her own place. No way could I let a woman that isn't sleeping with me live in my house and treat me like I'm an intruder in her space. She needs to learn some respect.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

Thank you so much for your comments. I didn't realize how helpful this would be. Your honesty is truly appreciated and I really needed it. I need to try and stand up to my mother because I was contemplating divorce. I just never thought my husband would be this aggressive..but you're right...he has the right to be. I just wanted a happy family (stupid fairy tale...huh?)
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:28 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and mother hate each other

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Thank you so much for your comments. I didn't realize how helpful this would be. Your honesty is truly appreciated and I really needed it. I need to try and stand up to my mother because I was contemplating divorce. I just never thought my husband would be this aggressive..but you're right...he has the right to be. I just wanted a happy family (stupid fairy tale...huh?)
no try...DO! Eventually your husband will grow to resent not only your mother but also YOU for taking sides! I know it does not seem like you are taking sides but when you bring up complaints from your mother to your H trust me that means (to your H) that you are taking sides.....HER SIDE!

This sounds very symptomatic of her own marriage. This was a bad idea from the beginning. I love my MIL and enjoy the very short (week or two) time that she comes visits in our town but no way I want her living with us....

btw.....ya darn right your H has every right to be aggressive, his territory is being pee'd on by his MIL
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Your mother needs to know her place. Your husband and yourself took her in out of kindness, she is repaying you with bad mouthing him. Your mom has to go.
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