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Girlfriend on vacation with ex. Need opinions please!!

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64K views 271 replies 65 participants last post by  Madman1  
I
#1 · (Edited)
My gf of 5 months is on vacation with her ex; on a trip she originally invited me to go on. Before meeting up with him, and flying out, she sends me a chat message that she loves me and wished i was there through Google chat ( we use that instead of texting on our phones) and then she signs off!! She has been signed off for the whole night and morning and now I'm just livid.

I feel so disrespected, foolish and don't even know where to begin to address this with her. She clearly did not want to be disturbed when meeting up with him, clearly that is the case but is there any hope for a relationship that this occurs in???
I feel its not, am I overreacting?
I need advice on how to respond as well, I am livid right now and don't want to overreact.
Please give me your thoughts...Thank you.

EDIT 1:
Going dark, cutting off communication:
Facebook unfriended
Instagram blocked
Google+ photo album blocked
Number deleted
Hitting the gym
Lawyering up
wait wut

EDIT 2:
OK, phonecall number 1 incoming...

voicemail transcript
Hey imjustlost. So I woke up today find myself seemingly deleted from your life I think there was no explanation. I'm sure we'll talk about this. Because I'm deleted from your life with no explanation.
Click to expand...
 
#3 ·
This doesn't look good, but need some more info:

Why DIDN'T you go?
Is trip one that SHE PAID FOR and is non-refundable?
How long was this trip planned?
How long were she and ex together?
Do she and ex have any kids?
How old are you?
How old is she?
Why does SHE say she and ex broke up?
 
M
#4 ·
imjustlost said:
My gf of 5 months is on vacation with her ex; on a trip she originally invited me to go on. Before meeting up with him, and flying out, she sends me a chat message that she loves me and wished i was there through Google chat ( we use that instead of texting on our phones) and then she signs off!! She has been signed off for the whole night and morning and now I'm just livid.

I feel so disrespected, foolish and don't even know where to begin to address this with her. She clearly did not want to be disturbed when meeting up with him, clearly that is the case but is there any hope for a relationship that this occurs in???
I feel its not, am I overreacting?
I need advice on how to respond as well, I am livid right now and don't want to overreact.
Please give me your thoughts...Thank you.
Click to expand...

The only relationship here is the gf and the ex. If you think that you are anywhere in the equation you are dead wrong. YOU are now the ex.

How does she invite the ex on a vac and expect to keep up the illusion that she is with you?

You know they are having sex daily, right?

And you think that you and she are still together?

When she gets back keep some dignity and tell her to eff off.

You are under reacting if that's possible.
 
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I
#5 ·
Why DIDN'T you go?
Click to expand...
She said she didn't feel comfortable with me spending the money while going through my divorce (I'm going through a divorce)
Is trip one that SHE PAID FOR and is non-refundable?
Click to expand...
They each paid their share. Originally there was a third party who backed out (conveniently???).
How long was this trip planned?
Click to expand...
four months
How long were she and ex together?
Click to expand...
4 years
Do she and ex have any kids?
Click to expand...
no kids, engaged to be married, she broke it off
How old are you?
Click to expand...
35
How old is she?
Click to expand...
24
Why does SHE say she and ex broke up?
Click to expand...
She was unhappy and they were like roommates rather than partners.
 
#18 ·
imjustlost said:
She said she didn't feel comfortable with me spending the money while going through my divorce (I'm going through a divorce)
Click to expand...
I'm shocked that you even bought this lame excuse.

You're way older than her and more experienced ...yet she managed to fool you with the lamest and most ridiculous excuse ever.


Forget about her.
 
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#8 ·
She went on a vacation with her ex when you were supposed to go...blatant disrespect and lack of fidelity...you are in no way overreacting.Imo there's not much more to say except goodbye.
 
#11 ·
What do I tell her now??? Just that I am so ****ing pissed I can't even talk to you until you get back?
Click to expand...
Tell her NOTHING. Do NOT answer IMs; do NOT answer calls; do NOT answer texts (delete them UNREAD).

There is NOTHING this GIRL can say to you to justify this behavior. Sounds to me like she is way too immature to be marrying anybody (hence, the broken engagement). She should also NOT be dating anybody 'exclusively' as she, apparently, doesn't understand how THAT works, either.

Were you paying for everything in your relationship with her? Lending her money? Paying a few of her bills? Because this sounds pretty much like gold-digger behavior IMHO. Screw you enough to get what she wants, but continue to do what SHE wants the rest of the time.

I would GO DARK on her PERMANENTLY. You are NEVER HOME if she stops by. You NEVER answer her calls. You DELETE all voicemail messages THE SECOND you recognize her voice. You DELETE ALL texts from here UNREAD. You do NOT RESPOND to ANY TEXTS from her.

She made HER intentions clear when she got on a plane with another man (after un-inviting you). She declared any viable relationship with you OVER when she agreed to go away on a vacation with her ex.

I say, you owe her NOTHING. No note, no IM, no discussion, no nothing. C'mon, REALLY? Do you HONESTLY THINK she won't figure this out during her vacay with ex-fiance? If she CAN'T figure it out, then consider yourself well-rid of one dumb bimette.
 
#17 ·
She has a number of things at your house, I'm sure. Pack them into a box.

Go to her apartment. Find that old lady who is a gossip. Give HER the box to hold onto for your ex. Tell her this is the rest of her stuff. Leave the sex toys and birth control on the very top of the pile of stuff.

That is, I believe, a sufficient message to her as to your intentions.

What your instinct is saying you want REVENGE...or at least to give her a good telling off! That will give her a rational "Oh, he was SO mean to me. He didn't deserve my young hot body. I mean I did wrong by screwing my ex for X days straight, but there was no cause to say Y..."

Don't give her that. Just a box of stuff without the courtesy of a good bye.

Edited to add: This is NOT a vacation. This was an "I want to break up with you without the drama of an actual confrontation so I'm doing THIS to your ego."

So in some ways, going dark is rewarding her. She gets what she wants. But you are getting rid of a girl who can do this to another person: I don't care how good her butt looks, she's toxic.
 
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#13 ·
I don't know the answer to that, but I don't think he's an ex. I think he's current. She had no intentions of you going on this trip. I'm unsure why it was planned and why you were invited in the first place.

This woman is toxic. She is cheating on you and your being played for a fool. There are better women out there.
 
#14 ·
Uh, that would be contacting her!

Look, she shouldn't REALLY need for you to explain that you're p*ssed off about this situation; that it's NOT OKAY with you; that this is NOT how people in relationships act. She's 24, not 4 !!

Let her go, she's a game-player (and you didn't answer my questions about the possibility of her being a gold-digger.)

YOU NEED to get into IC. You're making unfortunate choices to ameliorate the pain of a cheating STBXW. Get into counseling and straighten yourself out so you can have a GOOD relationship with a GOOD WOMAN (not a girl-toy, Barbie-doll who can't act like an adult).

You need to show your children the RIGHT way to live. THAT is your DUTY as a father. Get straightened up for yourself and for THEM.
 
#31 ·
I thinks that's the way, but why didn't you raise hell BEFORE she went with this guy? Where you afraid of being called "controlling" or something? This is something you should look at when searching for a new relationship. I think you failed to defend your turf somewhat, although it is my belief that the turf wasn't worth being defended in the first place.

She said she didn't feel comfortable with me spending the money while going through my divorce (I'm going through a divorce)
Click to expand...
Gotta give her points for originality!
 
#29 ·
well,I'll bet she dosn't feel like roommates now!

move on and chalk it up to.....glad I didn't waste too much time with this bi*ch. and be glad you found out about her poor charachter earlier rather than later.
 
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#30 ·
Woah, I would have raised hell if my boyfriend came to me with this proposition. And if he insisted on going despite my protests, well, then the relationship is over.

Just be glad you only invested 5 months in her. Have to agree with everyone saying to go dark. She obviously doesn't care very much about you, or the relationship...she went on a vacation and un-invited you! Going on vacation with someone of the opposite sex, unless they are family, is NEVER okay, IMO.
 
C
#32 ·
I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds like she and the ex have gone away together to see if it's worth them getting back together again.

This:-

Before meeting up with him, and flying out, she sends me a chat message that she loves me and wished i was there
Click to expand...
could have been to ensure that she has a plan B, should they decide it isn't. That is, she wants to keep you bubbling away on the back burner, 'just in case.'

You don't need a woman in your life who treats you like this.
 
#39 ·
Help with what? He isn't trying to get back with her (or at least he SHOULDN'T)

Christ had it right: If the girl doesn't accept you, shake the dust of that place off your feet and walk.

If you need closure and a nice little FU to her and haven't defriended her yet, try this

Her Wall:

Dear Slvtina,

I hope you are enjoying your vacation in Cabo with your supposedly ex lover. Your stuff is with Mrs. Mulligan.

Your REAL ex lover.

Now she gets to do damage control and she got the message.
 
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#41 ·
If you're uncomfortable going dark on her, just keep a low profile until she returns. Respond to her, but don't initiate communication with her. It really isn't in your interests for your GF to think that you're missing her and patiently waiting for her at home.

When she does return, though, you really do need to let her know how you feel and get some boundaries in place.
 
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#43 ·
If you stay with her, you've just set yourself up for a lifetime of her vacationing with other men. When my husband and me were just dating, he had a vacation planned to visit his kids...he was staying with them at their mother's. I said nothing because we were only dating, but when he got back I told him that if we were to continue together to something more serious, that this could never happen again.
 
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