Re: Dog is ruining our relationship.
I can tell you from a male point of view that if you frame this as an ultimatum, he may get rid of the dog but he will resent you for it. Any discussion about the dog has to be from a point of view as how it affects your relationship. Be upfront and honest without blame: how you feel, how the dog gets more attention than you, how you feel the dog affects things, etc.
Animals in general require a lot of maintenance and attention. It should be agreed upon between the couple as they are a big responsibility. Just like children, you have to be in agreement on how they are handled as well. I agree with other posters, sounds like everyone is not consistant in the training of the dog and it kind of does its own thing.
Once you dicuss how the dog affects your relationship, you need to have a second discussion on the consistant training and disipline, as well as, general rules about the dog. Everyone needs to be on board or the dog will continue to damage your home and cause problems.
I personnaly do not like dogs, so I know what you are going through. My stepson is in college and decided to get a dog. No big deal except that whenever he cannot watch the dog, he drops it off at our house. He makes no effort to find a sitter and my wife does not mind. This is a boundary that causes a lot of tension for us as she sees it as no big deal. $2k couch and $500 in carpet cleaning does not seem to be a problem.