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Old 11-01-2012, 05:07 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

I think it's much easier to fall head over heals in love when your younger. You simply don't have the life experience to understand how hard it is to maintain a healthy relationship. When I met my wife I immediately knew she was someone I could see myself with. I pursued her heavily unlike any other women I had dated. It came naturally. I knew I was "In Love" after 6 months of dating. If I were back in the dating pool now I'm sure it would be very difficult for me to have those types of feelings again. It would be different because of what I know now.
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Old 11-01-2012, 05:43 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

Enginerd -

Both excellent points. I could be rebound. I lean toward that but he didn't mean for it to be - he thought he was ready to move on. I told him I didn't EXPECT him to be in love yet after what he'd been through. He thought it was an indicator that I wasn't "the one". It might be. I don't know. I agree he needs some time to work on himself. He doesn't want to call it off or date anyone else - just put things on pause for a while. I don't want to be a doormat or desperate but I'm not ready to rush back out there because I knew I was in love with HIM after about 4-5 months. It was a bit of an epiphany because I've never been in love. But it made me wonder what the range was. Like Holland - I'm terrified of loving and terrified of not. And being older I don't expect the same kind of "in love" I expected to have when I was younger. I want a deeper, warmer, slow burning fire of a love vs. the all consuming flash fire of love my friends experienced in their 20s.
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Old 11-01-2012, 05:48 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I don't really know with my husband, he said ILY a month after dating. I waited to say it until I was ready. My second date my 5 year old drew a picture of us getting married to him. It was embarrassing, but it didn't scare my hubby away thank goodness. We engaged 6 months after meeting. I wondered what took him so long. We are more in love now then ever. Our love continues to deepen as time goes on.
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Old 11-01-2012, 08:04 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

I was always a cautious person when it came to relationships so I would say I never fell in love with anyone until at least the 6 month mark. That being said, I definitely knew within the first several dates whether the relationship was worth continuing or whether I would just never get there with that person.

With my H, I was unsure for the first six months or so.

We met on a summer break between semesters in college (went to different schools). We were hot and heavy that whole summer but I fully expected it to be nothing more than a summer fling. He was leaving to study abroad in europe that fall and I figured we would break up before he left. To my surprise he said he wanted to try a LD relationship. I still figured it would die out naturally once we were apart, but it shockingly didn't. The distance intensified our feelings for each other. I took two weeks off of school in the middle of my semester (to my parents horror) and went to europe to visit him. It was on that trip that I knew, without a doubt, I loved him and we would spend our life together. He says he knew he loved me a lot sooner than that, but I really didn't know it myself until that trip, we had been together about six months at that point.
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Old 11-01-2012, 11:07 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

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Can you explain this more?

After divorce I had lots of casual dating with no intention of finding a serious relationship or love. But hey it has happened anyway, I am scared some days and excited other days.
I knew I was falling in love with him after a couple of months, at about 5 months I was certain about being in love.
We have not said ILY, he has tried a couple of times but I seem to have this way of cutting him off at the pass IYKWIM.

There are days like today where I feel overwhelmed by it all, yes I am in love but I am also scared by it.
I know he feels the same way and is trying "not to mess it up".
Most guys I've known, know whether or not the girl they're starting to date is "in love" material almost right away. I'm not saying the long term choices you make to maintain love, just that "in love" feeling that gets the ball moving to build into a long term relationship. I'm speaking from my personal experience, but men feel the "zing" or they don't and it's right away. There's a reason you hear a lot of stories about a guy dating a woman for years, never a proposal etc. then they break up and he's engaged to another woman in 6 months.

Don't get me wrong, just because a guy doesn't jump to saying I love you, or proposing quickly, doesn't mean he doesn't feel the zing. That's what I meant about "not messing it up". When a guy finds "the one" he goes through a lot of self analysis about how to play out the relationship to make sure it can develop further. When to tell her I love you, early, wait, not too soon, don't wait too long, WHEN should I, don't do it right after sex she'll think I didn't really mean it...etc etc. LOL.
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:15 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

My husband and I were friends at high school. I guess we'd known each other properly for six months or so before I was in love with him. He can pinpoint when he fell in love with me, he remembers the exact time and place. We were 18.

So we were in love before we ever kissed. Neither of us have ever loved anyone else.
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Old 11-02-2012, 06:57 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

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Originally Posted by EnjoliWoman View Post
Enginerd -

Both excellent points. I could be rebound. I lean toward that but he didn't mean for it to be - he thought he was ready to move on. I told him I didn't EXPECT him to be in love yet after what he'd been through. He thought it was an indicator that I wasn't "the one". It might be. I don't know. I agree he needs some time to work on himself. He doesn't want to call it off or date anyone else - just put things on pause for a while. I don't want to be a doormat or desperate but I'm not ready to rush back out there because I knew I was in love with HIM after about 4-5 months. It was a bit of an epiphany because I've never been in love. But it made me wonder what the range was. Like Holland - I'm terrified of loving and terrified of not. And being older I don't expect the same kind of "in love" I expected to have when I was younger. I want a deeper, warmer, slow burning fire of a love vs. the all consuming flash fire of love my friends experienced in their 20s.
Just be careful...don't allow yourself to be one of his options. You're better than that, whether he's ready or not. He may realize it all too late. Pity.
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Old 11-02-2012, 07:35 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long does it take to fall in love?

Thanks - I just figured that I'm not ready to jump back into dating yet and the holidays are coming up and that doesn't seem like a good time to get involved. January is really busy. I thought maybe the week+ between Christmas and the new year when I don't have my daughter, maybe I'll take a solo trip skiing to clear my head.
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