SFladybug

I have only been conversing on this site for a short time. It has been surprisingly helpful to have a place to just let myself "talk" about my marriage in this way. So many times in the past when I have been hurt or angry or confused, or feeling the need to confess, I really couldn't talk to anyone about it.

Since I logged on a few weeks back, I have read many of the posts. Doing so sort of makes me a little sad to hear about the difficulties we have each encountered. I still think marriage can be good (but maybe not all the time). So, if any of you have some ways to beat the marriage blues, let me hear about it.

recent_cloud

this isn't a story, just a memory of a moment long ago.

my wife was pregnant with my son. i was sitting in our car waiting to pick her up from work. she emerged from her office building and walked towards our car.

i watched her walk to the car. i loved to watch her walk, to admire her, she was, is, so beautiful.

i smiled when i noticed her belly bump. she was officially starting to show, i thought to myself. and that's my child growing in her belly. that's her child. it's ours together. and then a feeling of astonishment came over me: her belly bump was irrefutable evidence that we were a part of the human dance that's been going on for tens of thousands of years and may go on for tens of thousands of years to come. millions of men had felt in past times and will feel in future times what i was feeling at that very moment:

this woman thought so highly of me, she loved who i was so much, that she wanted her baby to be a part of me.

man, it doesn't get any better than that.

(i hope my un-funny memory didn't kill your buzz, sfladybug. if it did i apologize and promise to make it up.)

SFladybug

Not at all. Very sweet memory. Anyway, I am sure your future posts will indeed "make it up".

I have some good memories too......thinking......

Earthmother1970

Okay, so I am getting a divorce...let's skip that bit for a minute and concentrate on the positives...oh wait, I actually think the divorce WILL be a positive...so let's just call this a happy moment memory.

It was the Spring of 1996 and my then boyfriend and I were walking through the streets of Durham In England. We stopped off at a pub and he seemed to be very nervous as he downed his pint of beer.
We carried on with our walk and crossed a stone bridge built in 1777, and then stopped at the Sir Walter Scott plaque set into the stones at the far end of the bridge, overlooking the most glorious cathedral imaginable. The ski was clear ( a rare occurence in Northern England, let me tell ya!) and the Catherdral was floodlit, with reflected light shining on the River Wear. Just a beautiful evening...and then he went down on bended knee, pulled out and opened a jewellery box and proposed to me.

I was about 3 months pregnant with our first child at that point...and when I look back, I think, yeah, maybe I did say yes for not all the right reasons and partly out of fear of being left alone to raise a child...but if I could go back, even knowing what I know now, I would still say yes, because the 4 children I have ( even though they do drive me nuts at time) are the greatest gift I have ever been lucky enough to receive.

Gomez

Hello Sfladybug, I have a good story to tell. I am new to this site too, I found it after my wife and I went thru a bad time when I was playing too much online games. She started paying attention to an old friend. We both realized independantly the fire we were playing with and we started talking to each other more honestly than ever before, and I am sure we are going to continue our marriage of four years. And we will both pay more attention and include each other in our fantasy selves.

SFladybug

Gomez - keep going!!!!!!!!! When the air is cleared, it can be wonderful. I heard something today which I am thinking on "Great marriages are not perfect." "Excellent marriages are where people practice putting reconciling over resolution (or fixing all problems).

EarthMother, kids are the haps!! Sometimes, when I think about do overs in my life, I stop myself quickly because I have truly and unexpectedly enjoyed being a mother.

Keep those good memories coming. I love to hear the stories and besides, who couldn't use a positive thought on this beautiful day.

recent_cloud

when my son was 5 he insisted on dressing himself to go out with mom and dad. we told him to goforit.

he went smiling into his bedroom, shut the door, and emerged a few minutes later beaming with pride at his accomplishment:

in front of me stood my son with his hands on his hips and his chest puffed out wearing batman feety pajamas, a batman beach towel tied around his neck and worn like a cape, and swiming goggles.

mom and dad were well protected on that shopping adventure.

SFladybug

SFladybug

Tired Husband's post reminded me of a good memory. When are kids were younger, we were not so great about doing date night. Too tired, not enough money for any extras, difficult to find a babysitter. One Friday night, we decided to have "date night" at home. My husband grilled a great dinner (he loves to cook - one of his good qualities) and we dressed up. Then we sent the kids to bed and danced in the living room. They crept out to watch us dance for awhile and still remember this evening fondly because it told them their mom and dad loved each other. Another time we threw a Wine, Cheese & Chocolate tasting party for our adult friends and decorated our back yard with white netting and candles. We set-up a dance floor. Our kids did not want to go to a babysitter's house so we let them stay home in their rooms. They told us they watched the party from a distance. Fun memories.

revitalizedhusband

My oldest son (7 years old) struggled some this season in the beginning in baseball.

He likes baseball a lot, and knows his dad loves baseball (I still play) so even though I am the opposite of a pushy parent (I don't say a word to the coaches unless asked, and always encourage him with 'good hit' and 'you'll get it next time')...I KNOW he aims to "make dad proud" while playing baseball. I can see it in him.

So, like I said at the beginning of this season, he really struggled, struck out every at bat for the first 2 games and only got to play in the outfield. He even came home from practice once and cried because "they only put the bad players in the outfield dad!?" Of course I let him know that I played a lot of outfield in high school and college, matter of fact it was my main position. Even though he was somewhat correct, in little league the better defenders are typically put in the infield due to frequency of having to make plays, I tried my hardest to encourage him that outfielders are just as important and his dad played outfield in high school and college.

Man, I was heartbroken for him, I really was.

So, instead of worrying about it we just went in the back yard, got his bat, glove, and ball, and just practiced together. Practiced hitting, practiced throwing, practiced fielding/catching, etc. We did it as much as we could for that whole weekend.

Fast forward to this past Saturday's game where he played most of the game in the infield, made 2 really nice plays to make outs, and went 2 for 2 with both hits being doubles. The 2nd hit late in the game he's out on 2nd base and I just said "great hit Noah!" and he just couldn't help but beam from ear to ear. He smiled so big he actually embarrassed himself for a second and hid his face away.


Ok, I know this is supposed to be a marriage story, but our kids are part of our marriages, and my wife noticed the same thing I did (his huge smile) and she just looked at me and said "you know you just made his day right?".

MarkTwain

SFladybug-

My marriage is now the best it's ever been. We have been together 20 years. After having been through a bit of a rough patch about 10 years ago, things have been getting better every year. But what really accelerated our progress was joining internet forums. On the one hand there is the advice of people who have been through similar, but on the other hand, what has helped me more is reading other people's threads and seeing my own issues reflected in what other people are going through. On more than one occasion, I have read a thread where a woman was complaining about one or other of her husband's little habits, and I have thought "I must make a mental note NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN".

So via the internet, it seems we really can learn from other people's mistakes. There is so much information on the 'net. Some is of little value, but plenty of it is pure gold.

This page changed me forever, when it made me realise my wife and I did not speak the same language: "Ask Dr. Tracy" Love Library I am guessing that 90% of couples would gain from reading that page. And it's FREE

We have also started doing things, just to make the other person happy.

__________________
MT

preso

I'd say overall, mines pretty good. There are only minor issues and no cheating, drug, alcohol, financial or many of the other problems I read about in the forums. Part of that is we were older when we met and married and my husband is mature. His kids are mostly grown ( only one still a minor). So we do not have the day to day children stressros that can be so difficult....
this is a good thing too.
After reading many of the posts, I am feeling blessed as so many live in daily conflict and have such immature, and ignorant partners. I guess I'm lucky although I want to mention that in the past I met some of the people who would have been deemed "a bad choice" but luckily I avoid marriage and any legal ties with them, so when we broke up it did not ruin my life.

As far as the marriage blues, you should be more specific as not all blues are marriage related but related to personal problems that effect the marriage. The best thing anyone can do in any marriage is to be the best person you can be. That will bring nothing but postive effects to the relationship.

SFladybug

MT, revitalized, Presso, et al. These are great, keep em coming everybody, even if your day is crappy, you might get a smile from remembering something you enjoyed on another day!!

I agree it is nice to know others have some of the same problems but it is also great to know that some of us can think of some good stuff too. I had a wonderful hug this morning and I hope to keep the communication open enough to re-build trust and teamwork.lymp ic1:

I have been inspired by some of the more creative types around here.

Sensitive

My husband made me vegetable lasagna. It was my favorite pregnancy food, and we haven't had it in about 4 years or so. It wasn't a huge romantic gesture, but it was something to remind me that he missed me while I was gone for 3 days.

I also get very sad reading the stories on this forum.

wrhaven

Hello, this is my first post. Here goes.....I can remember cooking dinner one night while feeling worn out completely.

Well, this one particular night, my youngest son ran into the kitchen and demanded that I blow bubbles with him. I wanted to scream. I did actually. I yelled into the family room for my husband to take care of our screaming son. I knew that he had just gotten home from work and was trying to wind down, but I really didn't care that night.

When I looked into the family room about 5 minutes later, my husband was standing in the middle of the room blowing bubbles and watching CNN while our son danced around catching them. ( I was in complete shock. My husband does not like to be disturbed during CNN. This is his time to wind down.) I laughed until I cried.

Oh the joys of marriage and family life. I will always remember that night. It gave a welcomed twist to our normal nightly routine.