What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Post What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

Me and my husband are married for 7 years now, 1 child.
We have issues every now and then, like every normal couple, but we both make efforts to make our marriage work. It is not easy, actually it is very painful, because we don't match and we often hurt each other. We don't do it on purpose, but it happens.

Then this guy came into my life, about an year and a half ago. He said he wants to date me, I said that won't happen because I am married. I can't blame him for being attracted, it could happen to anyone, but once you know that the other one is not available, you should just stop.
He's a nice one, though. We made good friends. I thought that soon he wil get over his affection, 'cause I didn't give him any hope that we could be more that friends. I used to tell him that he must just go out and find a girl, the world is full of single girls. I never spoke to him about my problems inside the marriage. But problems were not that serious at that time.
Then he went out of the country and I didn't see him for 9 months. For these 9 months, I totally forgot about him.

But the last year was very hard for my marriage. We went through times of pressure, not talking to each other for months, not having sex for months, then my husband said he wanted to seperate for a while (it was like a little breakup for me). I was feeling ignored, misunderstood, not appreciated and so on. Though we married for love, and we still love each other, sometimes I feel like we just can't make each other happy. Oh, yes, we were both considering seperation.

Then my admirer came back. It's been a while, I thought he was over me. But no. His affection was even stronger than before. That crasy idea about true love and... you know people, I just don't understand! What can make you fall for another man's woman?
I fell for him. He speaks so beautifully... all these words I never hear at home. But you know, I'm not that stupid. There is a difference between "falling in love" and "love". And true love comes later, when it's realised. Now, he deffinitely believes in what he sais, but still... I think there's something wrong about it.
We never had physical contact, but still I feel bad. I feel bad for being emotionally unfaithfull, for I let it happen.
I don't know what is to follow now.
I don't know if my marriage will survive, or we'll seperate.
I will not cheat.
Just... please try to explain me, what makes a single guy fall for a married woman? What kind of a person would do that to himself?

Got to go now. I'll keep posting.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You are in a full blown affair with him. You ARE cheating. This is the choice you made and you've completely disrespected your husband.

Tell your husband that you fell in love with another man and you are in a full blown emotional affair, which some say its worse then a physical affair.

You are in denial and full of excuses why this happened. It's called the affair "fog".

I feel sorry for your husband, the man you betrayed.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just-A-Girl View Post
Me and my husband are married for 7 years now, 1 child.
We have issues every now and then, like every normal couple, but we both make efforts to make our marriage work. It is not easy, actually it is very painful, because we don't match and we often hurt each other. We don't do it on purpose, but it happens.

Then this guy came into my life, about an year and a half ago. He said he wants to date me, I said that won't happen because I am married. I can't blame him for being attracted, it could happen to anyone, but once you know that the other one is not available, you should just stop.
He's a nice one, though. We made good friends. I thought that soon he wil get over his affection, 'cause I didn't give him any hope that we could be more that friends. I used to tell him that he must just go out and find a girl, the world is full of single girls. I never spoke to him about my problems inside the marriage. But problems were not that serious at that time.
Then he went out of the country and I didn't see him for 9 months. For these 9 months, I totally forgot about him.

But the last year was very hard for my marriage. We went through times of pressure, not talking to each other for months, not having sex for months, then my husband said he wanted to seperate for a while (it was like a little breakup for me). I was feeling ignored, misunderstood, not appreciated and so on. Though we married for love, and we still love each other, sometimes I feel like we just can't make each other happy. Oh, yes, we were both considering seperation.

Then my admirer came back. It's been a while, I thought he was over me. But no. His affection was even stronger than before. That crasy idea about true love and... you know people, I just don't understand! What can make you fall for another man's woman?
I fell for him. He speaks so beautifully... all these words I never hear at home. But you know, I'm not that stupid. There is a difference between "falling in love" and "love". And true love comes later, when it's realised. Now, he deffinitely believes in what he sais, but still... I think there's something wrong about it.
We never had physical contact, but still I feel bad. I feel bad for being emotionally unfaithfull, for I let it happen.
I don't know what is to follow now.
I don't know if my marriage will survive, or we'll seperate.
I will not cheat.
Just... please try to explain me, what makes a single guy fall for a married woman? What kind of a person would do that to himself?

Got to go now. I'll keep posting.
You were wrong to continue to have any kind of relationship with the guy after finding out he had more than friend feelings for you. You should have told him it'd be best not to talk anymore because you are married and love your husband. I've had poetic men "fall in love" with me too and try to woo me away. Notice I put "fall in love" in quotes because really it's not love. It's infatuation, which is not love. I've had to tell the men it isn't a good idea to talk anymore. They left it at that.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

My opinion... do NOT waste all your efforts... you will repent for all your life...
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.

But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.

If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.

But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

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Originally Posted by lilith23 View Post
A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.

But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.

If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.

But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.
Or he could just be a big-time player...and plays the game really well.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby View Post
You are in a full blown affair with him. You ARE cheating. This is the choice you made and you've completely disrespected your husband.

Tell your husband that you fell in love with another man and you are in a full blown emotional affair, which some say its worse then a physical affair.

You are in denial and full of excuses why this happened. It's called the affair "fog".

I feel sorry for your husband, the man you betrayed.
No, you're wrong. I've told him.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Or he could just be a big-time player...and plays the game really well.
Exactly, that can be true too.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith23 View Post
A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.

But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.

If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.

But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.
Thanks for your reply, I find it very helpful.
Sometimes we both just got too tired of trying.
I guess it the "Seven year itch"...
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Just-A-Girl View Post
No, you're wrong. I've told him.
Honestly, sounds like a player who knows how to woo the married women. Of course he picked a married woman. You're hitched and he don't have to worry about getting too serious! Plus it is easy to prey on women who might be feeling the excitement of their relationship with their husband waning away. That's prime time for wooing.
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well you might be 'lucky' (and I use lucky somewhat tongue in cheek) and this guy might have really fallen for you.

But what it is more likely to be is grooming you. Typically these guys will have several women they are grooming for sex, and one or two on the go that they are having sex with.
And they are very very good at making you feel special, they know just which buttons to press to get you interested. They have web sites and books to give them tips.

What you need to do is stop this affair right now and work on your marriage. If you work, truly work on your marriage and it doesn't work, divorce and then go off with Mr Wonderful (if he is still around)

You run the risk of destroying your marriage and leaving an emotional wreck of a husband behind you.
Take some time to look around the forum and look at the devastation that affairs leave behind them anf then ask yourself "Do I want to be responsible for that?"
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:13 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Well you might be 'lucky' (and I use lucky somewhat tongue in cheek) and this guy might have really fallen for you.

But what it is more likely to be is grooming you. Typically these guys will have several women they are grooming for sex, and one or two on the go that they are having sex with.
And they are very very good at making you feel special, they know just which buttons to press to get you interested. They have web sites and books to give them tips.

What you need to do is stop this affair right now and work on your marriage. If you work, truly work on your marriage and it doesn't work, divorce and then go off with Mr Wonderful (if he is still around)

You run the risk of destroying your marriage and leaving an emotional wreck of a husband behind you.
Take some time to look around the forum and look at the devastation that affairs leave behind them anf then ask yourself "Do I want to be responsible for that?"
Mr Wonderful doesn't exsist.
If I go for another one, I will not have the same problems that I have with my husband, but I will have another kind of problems. Every couple has them.
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Just-A-Girl View Post
Mr Wonderful doesn't exsist.
If I go for another one, I will not have the same problems that I have with my husband, but I will have another kind of problems. Every couple has them.
Not true. My husband and I do not have any problems with each other, never have. He's extremely supportive of me and I of him. I found my Mr. Wonderful and others have too. We have been married over 12 years.

There is no excuse to cheat on anyone at anytime. Your husband is not to blame whatsoever for this. You won't see this in your affair fog.

Just remember that every single day your living in a lie to your husband. Tell him you've fallen in love with another man. He deserves to know, so he move on and find a faithful wife.
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:39 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Not true. My husband and I do not have any problems with each other, never have. He's extremely supportive of me and I of him. I found my Mr. Wonderful and others have too. We have been married over 12 years.

There is no excuse to cheat on anyone at anytime. Your husband is not to blame whatsoever for this. You won't see this in your affair fog.

Just remember that every single day your living in a lie to your husband. Tell him you've fallen in love with another man. He deserves to know, so he move on and find a faithful wife.
As I already said, I have told my husband about it.
I even packed my bags and said I want to leave home.
He stopped me.

It is very easy to judge, Mrs Perfect, but forgive me for being a human.

Well, if we're gonna work on it, he has to forgive me.
When you're with someone, sometimes you have to forgive the unforgivable.

It happened to me, 3 years ago he hit me.
I said that if it happens again, that's the end.
But I forgived him from my heart. It is him, who still can't forgive himself.

It happens again. He will forgive me the emotional cheating. I don't know if I will be able to...
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:45 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?

I think some fall for a married woman when they can see she's unhappy or mistreated and think they can be her hero. For what ever reason that alone can turn a man on, wanting to show a woman she is still desired & attractive, it's a power thing I think with them maybe even an ego thing being able to be the one to boost a woman back up.

Just my .02 on one of the reasons this can happen
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