boyfriend has an opp sex friend
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default boyfriend has an opp sex friend

Hi to anyone reading i don't know if i have a problem or not but i feel i do that's why i'm posting it has been bothering me for awhile now i live with my boyfriend for 3 months now met most of his friends esp the girl one only have a problem with the 1 girl, which she is married my boyfriend i guess use to go to her horse barn after work all the time when he was single to hang out with her which i guess her husband was there sometimes but all the time, i met her everything was fine she invited me over to hang out with the boyfriend i even helped her on her new land never said an out of a way word to her have always been nice to her! But now she doesn't invite "us" over just him she invites him over to ride, wings or just to hang out i understand they have been friends for a long time but... I confront him about it I just get i don't know so he asks her about it she says she doesn't have a problem with me likes me but then y does she not invite me over along with him anymore?

It's like I'm not allowed to have an opinion about it he says he wld take me with him but i feel unwelcomed i feel like my feeling dont matter he even texts her "hey i was just thinking about you i feel this is inappropriate on his part i dont think there is anything going on but dont i have a right to feel at ease? He tells her he cant hang with her now when we use to hang out with her all the time! I feel like he is not trying to make me a part of that relationship like he use to i dont know what changed

Am I jumping to conclusions? O and when he is texting her he gets all happy like saying she is funny. he doesnt think anything is wrong im jealous etc! any advice would be great!

thanks for reading!
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

No, you are not jumping to conclusions and you have every right to be concerned. She is not behaving like a married woman.

If you seriously want a future with this man and, both you and he have committed to exclusive relationship then you must sit down with him and have a calm conversation that covers the following:
  • Agree with him that you are in an exclusive relationship
  • Agree that you both think you have a future together
  • If you both agree on the above then you need to explain to him that the relationship has to have boundaries
  • Explain that you are not comfortable with him being alone with another woman so often, especially a married woman and if he respects you he should stop it.
  • Explain that you are so uncomfortable with it that if it doesn't end, you will reconsider your relationship with him, including moving out
It's as simple as that.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

^

You are living together so one would assume that it is a committed relationship. Your BF should not be hanging out with an opposite sex friend, particularly since he knows that you are uncomfortable with it. I'm surprised that the woman's H is OK with their relationship...

As the above poster said, you need to get some boundaries in place with your BF.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

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Originally Posted by jenimarie View Post
But now she doesn't invite "us" over just him she invites him over to ride, wings or just to hang out
The only reason opposite sex friends are even a MINOR possibility is that the woman usually doesn't have a sexual desire for the male "friend". The male ALWAYS does (so yes, your boyfriend wants to screw her, of that I have little doubt), so when the female does as well, then nature takes it's course the way it has for a million years.

This emotional relationship WILL cross the line to physical very soon, if it hasn't already.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

Whatever you are feeling is the right emotion...don't let anyone tell you any different. Most of the time, when we feel jealous, there's good reason to be feeling that way.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

You think OSF's are not good in relationships.
HE thinks they are fine.

You realize the #1 cuase of infidelity is poor boundaries, and that this man is not a candidate for marriage.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

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Originally Posted by MrK View Post
...the woman usually doesn't have a sexual desire for the male "friend". The male ALWAYS does (so yes, your boyfriend wants to screw her, of that I have little doubt)
.......................

ALWAYS. We're hard-wired to never have female friends ...only potential mates. Show me a male with a female friend and I'll show you a "work in progress"
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Old 11-23-2012, 10:49 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

right! too much crap with him prolly going to get out while the getting is good!
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Old 11-23-2012, 11:53 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

Too much drama for a 3 month relationship.

Living together already? You barely know him. Not judging...cause I've done similar, but what pushed moving in together?
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Old 11-23-2012, 05:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

its been 4 1/2 months i know too soon to live together i was living cple hrs away i really liked him guess it made sense @ the time
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Old 11-24-2012, 01:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

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Whatever you are feeling is the right emotion...don't let anyone tell you any different. Most of the time, when we feel jealous, there's good reason to be feeling that way.
when you are led to believe that you are in a monogamous relationship, then I would not describe what you're feeling as jealousy, but legitimate concern for the relationship.

If you were just dating the guy, then yeah, maybe it would be jealousy.....
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Old 11-24-2012, 02:25 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

Time to look for a new apartment and probably a new boyfriend. He is way too comfortable that you are there no matter what and he can do what he wants and you will just hang out and wait for him to come home. Don't waste your time on a Barney, life is too short.
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Old 11-26-2012, 07:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: boyfriend has an opp sex friend

u r so right! i even told him u r way too comfortable me being here he does do what he wants but he thinks it's ok cus he checks in with me he acts like we have been dating for a year or something which would make more sense but we haven't been. nope i will not wait i'm not waiting on anyone to change because things never will. i deserve so much better! thanks!
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