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found some text messages

7K views 31 replies 17 participants last post by  NextTimeAround 
#1 ·
I looked at the future wife's texts the other night and didn't like what I read. Back story, been together for 8 years getting married this spring. She works in the oil trade, all men and is in the military, almost all men.

So basically one text was from a guy that was complaining about being sore, she jokes I don't want to know, he asks for a message then with naked in parathasies. She said I don't think so, then went on to say how he thinks sex is like work, she replied it wasn't like that with me.

The next to a coworker in the field, small talk then about dinner and things better late then never, not a big deal but lots of smiley faces which I have never her seen her do in our texts. again this one not a big deal.
So I confront her late that night, she says she is not having an affair and that they were joking. I told her I was very uncomfortable with it all. Next day didn't hear anything, which I thought she would at least see if I was okay, When she gets home from work I told her that I was still very uncomfortable with the first text, she then said the guy had a dream that they were together and that she was just giving him a hard time..... That to me is what is bothering me more and more. That is the most used excuse in the world. Wish I wouldn't have confronted her and just followed the text more to see what is really was.
 
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#12 ·
Yeah I always tell some one else's gal I had a sexual dream about them. Yeah it was wet too, that's the ticket. :scratchhead:
 
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#5 ·
You still can get the cell logs and see if it is danger to the marriage by counting the amount of texting going on.

Don't take any crap when it comes to protecting your marriage! You are not jelous or controlling or insecure. This sh1t happens all the time so don't stand for it.

You can't control her so don't try, but you can control what you will tolorate by finding a women that will except and respect the protection you have to offer.

Sounds over the top...I know, but I hear it time again here @ TAM and the end result is always the same "I didn't mean it to happen, he just kissed me and we had sex"
 
#15 ·
Look here's the simple thing. If your gut tells you it's bs, then it's bs. You weren't born yesterday, call her on it. Tell her you don't believe it and you want to see her phone records to verify how much she text or calls other men. That's a boundary for you and you won't hang around if she needs to cross it.
 
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#17 ·
The problem is, because of her job you're going to have to live with her traveling with men without you for years to come. If the trust isn't there, then it's going to drive you insane. She has to be beyond reproach, and frankly, she's not. So every time she goes off to an oil field you're going to be sitting at home wondering if she's the rough neck pass around girl, and life at home alone is going to suck.
 
#19 ·
When my Ex broke up with me, it was because of a text message. What I did to find out more about that man bothering my life...I added him in twitter (I present myself as a girl). Set him Up..But my wife now just knew about it (about the twitter thing) when I showed him a year after the marriage...
 
#24 ·
I am a 27 female who works in a VERY male dominated environment. S*x is talked about and joked about A LOT. That’s just part of working with large groups of men.

Of course on this website I will get bashed for saying this but . . . the jokes are FUNNY, the stories are FUNNY, the comments are FUNNY. I’m not having EAs with everyone in my office just because I share/enjoy a naughty joke with them!

One of the blokes even told me he had a dirty dream about me, its not the end of the world, I’m sure this guy would have had a dirty dream about a doorknob if he was in the right mood. Blokes are just horny . . .

I’m not saying that your girl is innocent of any wrong doing, only she knows that. I’m just saying don’t jump to conclusions just because she works with men and is not phased by that behaviour. Im certainly desensitised to ANYTHING they could possibly say.

The only part of this that would throw me is the texting its self. Is she texting these people often? I don’t see the point in texing co workers outside work hours, you spend enough time with them during the week!
 
#32 ·
I agree with the others. This is a good time to establish boundaries and transparency in your pending marriage.

It sounded as if she was deflecting the flirting in the messages that you mentioned. A lot of women learn that handling them in that indirect manner can be effective in establishing boundaries with co-workers, particularly opposite sex.

I sympathise a little bit with couples when it comes to work, it's hard to find something that you like; and these days, it's hard to find anything at all. So until you come across evidence suggesting that she's interested in trying it on with a co-worker, then I would suggest working with it.
 
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